Weekend Issues!!

ali04 · Post by **ali04** » Mon Oct 27, 2008 3:59 pm

Hello Everyone. This is long and so sorry but need to vent somewhere. I attendend my nephew in calif. wedding this past weekend. I was worried ahead of time and came on here and received alot of good support. Well friday was the rehearsal dinner and a party for his parents anniversary. The thing is I have always been very intimidated by my sister's husbands side of the family. They are all very educated very outspoken and sure of themselves and seem secure. So I get nervous around them and always have. I practiced and practiced the positive self talk and unfortunately caved. My sister hired a friend of theres that teaches square dancing at parties etc. Anyways she thought it would be fun and break the ice since there were so many people. It was at my sisters house outside and there lots of people they live in the country and there was a big barbeque etc. Well my sisters husband were all there and are bossy etc. We arrive from a long drive in the late afternoon. I was tired and nervous about them asking questions etc. so when I saw them everyone was fine they very polite and nice. Later in the evening after we all ate the square dancing started. Why did I even go out there and attempt something I have never even done or thought of doing. It was all for fun and who cares I thought. My sister wanted all her sisters out there. Well Why did my husband and get stuck in there group along with another of my sisters and her husband which that was good. Well after we starting getting the hang of it he start making it a little harder. So I was messing up well the snob sisters of course had to take it serious and be out there looking good. The one sister which is the worse for sarcasm started being very rude to me and treating as though I was mentally challenged and embarressing me. I told my husband I am walking off if she keeps it up its suppose to be fun. And I was laughing until she started being very rude and acting like I was a total screw up and stupid. She said they were going to have to stamp red and green on my hand and I felt embarressed. So I walked off and started to cry and went inside the house to the bathroom where one of my nieces saw and followed and was like forget them. I hope they don't know that I was crying it was dark outside. Anyways my husband was mad at me that I allowed them to that to me he just stay out here and who cares what they say. i just couldn't let me keep humiliating me. Like I said it was funny until she was being serious and rude. So the next day was the wedding and then at the reception I had to much wine trying to be relaxed in case they started picking at again. Well my neices wanted me to go dance so we all went there where of sharon was and she said oh don't forget left and right when we were just dancing to music. I said to excuse me but I am not mentally challenged okay. And danced off. She looked at her sister. That was the last we talked to each other. I feel bad that I let her pick at me and feel so bad. I really hope this program starts work I not only have panic attacks and depression but am so insecure and weak its horrible because I'm 42. The sisters are alot older then me but very confident and wealthy and powerful. I am the type that is always nice to everyone and if anyone really starts pick at me or make me feel Uncomfortabe I get embarressed and can't control the tears from flowing and then I feel weak. Help am I going crazy? Do any of you cry easy and feel like people don't like you are always talking about you, I feel paranoid. EEk. I really did not want this to happen at the celebration and am now being hard on myself for allowing them to get to me. I hope there is help for me. I will have to start back to session 5 tomorrow. I haven't done the program for a week now. Thanks to all who read this I just have no one to talk to that understands and doesnt think im being ridiculous.

goodwillchic · Post by **goodwillchic** » Wed Oct 29, 2008 12:22 pm

Oh Ali! I'm so sorry to hear how your sisters treated you. I read your post before the wedding so I know how worried you were about it. But I'm also so proud to see how you handled it. You could have just sat the square dance out, but instead you got up there and tried something totally foreign and new to you. Sounds like you were having fun until your sisters started being rude, which says way more about her than you. In fact, even your niece could see that it was your sisters who were being lame. Oh and I just loved reading about how you still got up and danced at the reception. And even when your sister started in on your again, you didn't slink away and sit down - you stood up for yourself and then went off dancing. That is so awesome! You get major kudos for that!

And you're not alone. I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm the youngest and my older sisters love to tease me. This teasing has kept me from trying a lot of new things because I'm .. paranoid is a good word .. that people can see how ackward I feel and that they are judging me.

One of my goals after this program is to be able to join in the horseshoe tournaments my Dad has at our family gatherings. I think Session 4 on expectations will help a lot. Hopefully I will see just participating as a success instead of expecting to be any good. I mean, how can we expect ourselves to be any good at things we purposely have avoided for years?

Anyway, I think you did great and wanted to tell you so. Also to tell you that you're not alone...not by a long shot

Gale D · Post by **Gale D** » Wed Oct 29, 2008 2:37 pm

Hi Ali! I read your post about your concern about going to the wedding too and I also think you did amazingly well. Even though you felt anxious You faced your fears and you did that which you were afraid of.GOOD FOR YOU!!! As for your older sisters being critical of you and rude and sarcastic-people who criticize others need to do because they don't feel good about themselves and need to criticize others to compensate for that. And just for the record,just because a person gets confused about Left and Right does not mean that they are necessarily mentally challenged. I also have great difficulty distinguishing left and right and it is due to dyslexia.So don't feel inferior because of that. I know from what you've described that you had so many thoughts going through your head, and all of the directions that are called out in square dancing,anybody would have to stop and think, now which is left or right.Like you, I also cry easily-I think it is because of our anxious natures that we have to release all of that pent-up tension. I think with time you will be able to control your emotions better as you go through the program and begin to build up your confidence and your self esteem. I'm just beginning session 6 and I find that I am not crying as easily or as frequently.If it can work for me, I know it can work for you,too!I hope you will stop beating yourself up for getting upset- you can't expect everything to fall into place all at once,although I kmow you wish that it would. Be proud of yourself for going to that wedding and for trying something you'd never done before.It's quite an accomplishment and things are going to get better and better!You take care of yourself and God bless you!

ali04 · Post by **ali04** » Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:55 am

Thank you so much goodwillchic and Gale D for all the kind things you said. I am so happy that you gave me so much support. It really has helped. It was my Brother n laws sister that was being so rude to me. I am proud that I stood up for myself, however I have been beating myself up a little for letting her effect me. I guess its a done deal and she must come across very secure but really be miserable inside. I know that the more she said the more hurt I became and then I really began messing up. I guess she suceeded with what she wanted. My husband said it was her husband that was messing up but they are such goodie goodies that they couldn't look like they didn't know what they were doing. Oh well I was out there for fun and I am proud that I did try because so many others would not even attempt it. I thank you so much and I am starting on session 6. I have always cried so easy and been embaressed by it but at least I do have feelings and when embaressed I cry but I know I will overcome this with alot of work. This program is awesome and I feel so blessed that I have it and so much support from the forum. We will all recover in time. God Bless and Thanks so much.

Gale D · Post by **Gale D** » Thu Oct 30, 2008 5:35 pm

Ali,I'm so glad what we said made you feel better.You've made my day, knowing that you feel better about everything and you really should be so proud of yourself. I hope when I'm faced with a similar situation, that I can do as well! By the way, I've just started session as well, and I'm feeling upset about what I'm hearing -didn't realize I was such an angry person at times and I'm feeling guilty about it. How are you doing with session 6?

goodwillchic · Post by **goodwillchic** » Fri Oct 31, 2008 5:25 am

You're right Ali, we will recover

Oddly enough, I just started Session 6 this week too.

monty'smom · Post by **monty'smom** » Fri Oct 31, 2008 6:47 am

Hi ali,

I think you were amazing...just having the strength to attend this event knowing that it would likely be very uncomfortable and stressfull for you. Many would have just not attended so feel very proud about the bravery and personal strength you posess and don't beat yourself up about being hurt...I know I would have been bawling under the same circumstances if I even could have mustered up the guts to go..unlikely I would have. I too am very easily hurt by others ill manners and rudeness.

Gale was dead on about the people who behave the way these people did...they come accross as all goodness but have such miserable lives and get their self esteem by belittleing others usually out of envy or jealousy. Likely they hate that you are still a young woman and they have many years on you. people who are inwardly caring, kind and capable of true love don't go through life trying to inflict pain and sorrow on others. I think they need to be doing this program and need to build up their self esteem by learning to actually, honestly like themselves and be happy within their bodies, hearts, souls and lives. Please don't let these women make you feel less than the wonderfull human being you are. They aren't worth it in any way, shape or form. remember the saying " what goes around, comes around ". Their day will come when they have to account for all the pain they have caused you and others during their lives. God does see all!!

Stand proud and don't let them keep you down, they just don't deserve your time or energy.

God Bless and give you inner peace and strength to block all the negative energy from them.