Scary thoughts about hurting my kids or myself

Alexmama · Post by **Alexmama** » Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:28 pm

Hello everybody, I am new at this forum. My name is Marie, I am 37, and I live in Sweden. I have two children that I love very very much. I guess that it does not matter were you live in the world, OCD exist everywere.

My problems started this summer , we were in Greece and there was an earthqwake, after that my life changed. First I was very afraid for the home flight, I thought that I would have an panic attack at the flight, it was horrible.

When we came home I was so upset, and "wired up", I could not sleep or eat. One night this scary thought just came too me, "what if I could hurt my children". The thought just occupied my hole life and I thought that I would go crazy.

I am on Med. now, Zoloft and Lyrica. I can't say that it has helped me that much. Now I am also scared that I would kill myself....Pls someone, help med. It feels like my mood is draging me into a big black whole.

I want to live and see my children grow up, but I do not want to live this way..help me.

Sorry for the bad english.
/m

scottds · Post by **scottds** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 1:00 am

Alexmama,

You've come to the right place. When you feel the pressure, come here to get support. It is here, I just started the program so I do not have alot of input, but I know there are those here that do.

Hang in there and come back often.

Am 23 · Post by **Am 23** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 3:30 am

This is the anxiety, you need to be strong and tell yourself that that is not you, but the anxiety and you would never do something like that! Listen to your tapes. Take your meds and if you feel they are not working them talk to your doctor about switching to something different. YOU WILL BE OK AND GET THROUGH THIS, YOU WILL GET BETTER! WE ARE ALL HERE FOR EACH OTHER.

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 8:17 am

Alexmama,

Welcome to the forum.

I am sorry you are going through this horrible form of anxiety but you can get through it!

The earthquake might have been what initiated your scary thoughts. How you felt when you came home--anyone having experienced an earthquake would have felt. My friend experienced his first scary thought like you: at night. His was a very graphic dream of hurting his wife. His second worst thought was also self-harm. Like you he was petrified of acting on the thoughts and had no desire to act on the thoughts.

The fact you are scared of the thoughts shows this is pure-OCD. Pure-O often will target the things you love the most.

In addition to the program, I would also suggest seeing a therapist who focuses on OCD. Make sure they know how to work with sufferers of obsessions.

I offer you some links. The first is a link to another thread on scary obsessions here on the fourm. The second link helps with these thoughts. The last link is for a fantastic book on scary thoughts, The Imp of the Mind. This book greatly helped my friend.

<A HREF="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 4691056423" TARGET=_blank>http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 1056423</A>

<A HREF="http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-elimin ... &id=231502" TARGET=_blank>http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-elimin ... =231502</A>

<A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/Imp-Mind-Explorin ... 746&sr=1-1" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amazon.com/Imp-Mind-Explorin ... &sr=1-1</A>

MelMbrsl75 · Post by **MelMbrsl75** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 5:06 am

Good Morning, I am sorry to hear of your struggles you are dealing with.

This form of OCD, Pure O as I call it is exactly what I have. My OCD is based around scary obsessive thoughts about my son.

Before finding this program and educating myself by reading alot of books I knew nothing about what I was dealing with and I had never in my life dealt with something as terrifying as having thoughts about harming the love of my life.

I now know this, and that is that everyone has scary thoughts, there are those of us that just let the thoughts go and those of us that the thoughts get "stuck. It is very important that you just let the thoughts be there and never try to make them go away, ever. If you just let them be there they will not be as strong. Please feel free to email me if you would like!

bna · Post by **bna** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 6:11 am

Hello alexmama, welcome to the site. You have come to the right place. I too have suffered with those same scary thoughts. You are not alone. Anxiety/OCD is scary. This place has some really great advice and direction on how to learn to manage. I wish you much success in your recovery. Take care and God Bless

Alexmama · Post by **Alexmama** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 6:43 am

Thank you everybody for your kind words. I have always been a person with much conficence and it so frustrating to feel that I cannot rely on myself. There is no safe zoon, the threat is within me, and I can not stand myself. But I have to fight this, I love my kids so much. Thank you all for being out there, it feels like this is a place to find strenght.

Sierra · Post by **Sierra** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 7:52 am

Alexmama,
I agree with the others, it sounds like Pure-o. I too had horrible obsessions that I was gonna harm my wife whom I love so much. It seemed like the anxiety from uncertainty was gonna eat me up. I remember the onset of the disorder and it was such a scary time because its not something that just happens to everyone, and that you cant talk about freely to a friend, most certainly because its a form of ocd that people know nothing about. Similar to you, there were a lot events that led up to the obsession. There are several excellent books out there(as charlie brown stated above) and great web sites too, ocdonline.com being one of them. I know youll get through it, it takes a lot of work to break free from scary obsessions, but in time youll see change, sending you some energy!

cuttingirl · Post by **cuttingirl** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 2:42 pm

I am quoting the program directly and paraphrasing some here: It is so easy to chase down these spontaneous thoughts to see how scary they can get... but it's only obsessive thinking, repetitive scary vivid thoughts of hurting yourself or others. You are not going crazy and you will not actually do any of these things. It may help to tell yourself: thoughts, only thoughts. You are not alone. I am also tormented by these types of thoughts. The thoughts are your brain distracting you from what it really bothering you and something that truly deserves your attention. Ask yourself, what is really bothering me. If you can, write down the thought and then re-write it. For example, let's say you are afraid that you will all of a sudden attack someone in the middle of a crowded street and go crazy. Change the thought into something else that amuses you in this case it might be that you will "go crazy" by putting on a clown suit and running down the street kissing people! Having a less terrifying and actually humorous thought to run like a broken record does not scare you as much. Good luck, and write back to us soon

RD terriers · Post by **RD terriers** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:50 pm

Marie,

Your english is great.

I would like to recommend a book by Lee Baer
"The Imp of the Mind" that helped me deal with my scary thoughts. You are not alone.

I attended an Obessive Compulsive Foundation conference in Boston this summer. The newest research seems to suggest that the more you try to fight a scary thought, the stronger it becomes. It loses it's power if you just let it flow in and out of your mind. Some therapists are having their patients say the scary thought on a tape and having them listen to it over and over again. The brain actually gets bored with it, and the scary thought loses its power.

I wish you the best.