I need to be talked down
My husband is going in for a hip operation in 3 weeks and he is going to be in the hospital for 5 days and then a rehabilitation place for 7 more days. Its over an hour away and I don't drive. We have been married for 20 years, the last 12 years I have depended on him, and he loves it. Anyway He is going to be gone for 10 days. We have never been apart, how am I going to function? I DON'T DRIVE. My 14 year old has to be driven to the bus stop and picked up every day. Yes I do have friends but they live to far away. My main concern is that i worked so hard from being home bound and WHAT IF I end up back in my bedroom freaking out because I can't get to see my husband and I end up curled in a ball for 10 days. i am so freaking out. I don't want my husband to know how freakin scared I am to be here alone with our son, because he needs this surgery. I am not afraid that something might happen, like someone breaking in,or anything like that. I don't know how to funtion with out him. I can go on and on about this. I just don't want to be filled with so much fear that I can't move. I try not to think about it to much but when the surgery is mentioned my panic starts. My situation is crazy because I will only leave the house with him and no one else. So even if someone offered to drive me out there I won't go because of the anxiety and panic. Maybe I getting worked up about this because I am drained from being sick with the flu and you know how miserable that is. I hope so. Anybody have any suggestion?
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Guest
Hi spun2tite,
Is it possible that maybe you could stay at the hospital with your husband & your son could stay with a friend? When my dad had an operation many years ago they let my mom stay at the hospital. It might be worth checking in to. Also don’t think of it as 10 days, just take it one day at a time. You can do this I know you can. You have a million friends on here that will & would help you keep your mind off of things. Just come on here if you need some one to talk to or talk you down from your anxiety. Trust me I think we all have experience with anxiety in one form or the other so there is no better place to go than here.
You can do it, I believe in you.
Take Care,
Larry
Is it possible that maybe you could stay at the hospital with your husband & your son could stay with a friend? When my dad had an operation many years ago they let my mom stay at the hospital. It might be worth checking in to. Also don’t think of it as 10 days, just take it one day at a time. You can do this I know you can. You have a million friends on here that will & would help you keep your mind off of things. Just come on here if you need some one to talk to or talk you down from your anxiety. Trust me I think we all have experience with anxiety in one form or the other so there is no better place to go than here.
You can do it, I believe in you.
Take Care,
Larry
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Guest
Hi there. I am sorry to hear what you are dealing with. As I was reading your post I did see a bit of myself in your words.
I have been with my husband for almost 20 years as well. I was very attached to him as you say you are yours. I have to be honest with you. You are too dependent on your husband and that is very unhealthy. To need him that bad is part of your anxiety. There is a signafacnt differance between "love and dependence". I know you love him and that is just wonderful.
You need to look within yourself and realize that one day you will not have eachother, it is a scary thing to have to face, as I have been in that "curled up ball" as well wondering what I would ever do if my husband passed away.
I got therapy for awhile and now know that "loving" someone that way is extremely unhealthy and not normal. You must make your way out to the world and stop depending so much on others as that is not healthy and your son needs to see his mom become more independent as well. I have a 15 year old son, so I understand and it does effect the children, they see their mom so dependent for every small thing.
Anxiety is curable, it all depends on how much you are willing to leave your shell. This program is so much work and at times is so uncomfortable to break out of your saftey zone but you have to. Being dependent on anyone is dangerous, you must find yourself and become independent.
I have been with my husband for almost 20 years as well. I was very attached to him as you say you are yours. I have to be honest with you. You are too dependent on your husband and that is very unhealthy. To need him that bad is part of your anxiety. There is a signafacnt differance between "love and dependence". I know you love him and that is just wonderful.
You need to look within yourself and realize that one day you will not have eachother, it is a scary thing to have to face, as I have been in that "curled up ball" as well wondering what I would ever do if my husband passed away.
I got therapy for awhile and now know that "loving" someone that way is extremely unhealthy and not normal. You must make your way out to the world and stop depending so much on others as that is not healthy and your son needs to see his mom become more independent as well. I have a 15 year old son, so I understand and it does effect the children, they see their mom so dependent for every small thing.
Anxiety is curable, it all depends on how much you are willing to leave your shell. This program is so much work and at times is so uncomfortable to break out of your saftey zone but you have to. Being dependent on anyone is dangerous, you must find yourself and become independent.
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Guest
spun2tite, I just started the program but one of the first things I learned is that my husband had no clue that I have this anxiety issue. I hid it from him and yes, he was a little hurt when he first found out but I feel so free to tell him how I am feeling now and he just lets me talk and tells me how good I am doing. So I encourage you not to hide it from your husband, he loves you and is very strong. Just let him know that you just need him to listen and he will. He can be your best advocate in your healing process. It will help to tell him.