My sister...

[goodwillchic]

Hi, I am fairly new to this site and just started the program about one month ago and am currently working on session 4.

Here's the thing...during session 2 in the workbook there's a questionnaire to fill out that asks a lot of questions about my symptoms and family traits from my childhood. I checked most of the symptoms but only two of the family traits. I'm was a pscyh major in college and found it odd that I would exhibit so many symptoms associated with a restrictive and judgemental childhood household. It just didn't mesh. Why am I such an anxious person when my parents were so patient and open-minded with me as a child and even now as an adult?

After thinking back to when I was most nervous as a young child I noticed a pattern. Althuogh I've always been a top notch worrier, my anxiety was in near lock-step with memories of my oldest sister (R). She had a terribly unpredictable personality. My other sister (S) and I never knew what would set R off. She used to force S and I to watch her play Nintendo. If we played too, we were expected to lose our game immediately so she could continue playing. When she would lose she would yell at us or sometimes she used the controller and hit us. She was very hot and cold. Either we were her best friends or the bain of her existence. Point being, I'm rather convinced that it was her volatal personality combined with my inate sensitive nature that produced my problems with anxiety and need to please others at almost all costs.

Without blabbing on with all the hairy details here is my problem...She is still a mess, worse than ever as she struggles with addiction. I know that over the next few months (maybe even years) she is going to need my support more than ever, but now I'm angry. While I'd be lying if I said she is never kind, the fact is she has made being her sister into a living nightmare. How can I forgive and get over the anger at someone who acted as a catalyst for my most self depreciating personality traits?

[bna]

Hello goodwill, I think everybody has someone in their family that they can be angry and annoyed with. I had a brother growing up who was just downright mean. We are entitled to our anger towards them but at some stage as Lucinda says we either resolve it or disolve it. We can't stay stuck in anger and resentment as the only ones who it continues to hurt is us.

It sounds like your sister is living her own difficult time. As we progress through the program we develop compassion and acceptance of ourselves and others. We begin to see that we're all just trying to do the best we can. As you overcome your own issues, you may become an inspiration for her to turn her own life around. There is also the possibility that she may never face her own issues and there is nothing you can do to make her. Just know that you are taking the steps to a better life.

I wish you much success in your journey of recovery. Take care and God Bless.