Scared and confused about my hubby

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:19 am

Originally posted by Joset:
Before we were married we couldn't keep our hands off each other but now...its totally different.

Same here. . .and that was increasing after we went to the conference together. . . but for some reason it spooked me. I think it probably reminded me of the time when we were dating and we were doing drugs and drinking a lot. We still have wine at times but we don't drink much and we never do drugs. The more we get intimate, the more often he wants to do it and the more I feel like he wants to be "creative" and it gets overwhelming for me. Does that make sense? I feel awful about it. I want to just be free with him again.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:32 am

Thanks for sharing Faith. I know there are times that I get so frustrated because I don't think he understands how I feel. He doesn't realize how things he says hurts. My husband too gets defensive. But, I have to keep reminding myself that part of having anxiety difficulties is I am super sensitive. And really not too good at communicating my feelings right now anyway. I am not evaluating the situation with clear eyes. Not that I am giving him an excuse. There times when what he said really was not meant to hurt me, he just has trouble phasing things in a sensitive manner sometimes. So what I promised myself is that I wouldn't argue or blow up about borderline type of comments. I would only react to a sometimes obviously said to hurt. The reality is, I know he loves me. I can't effectively help us until I can help myself. So I am taking Lucienda's advice with regard to how I judge situations and waiting until I can see a little clearer. Everything seems so much harder when you are in the fog. I couldn't go to work today or Monday because I fell in the hole again. I haven't felt this down in years. I am starting the program over again this week with greater hope and perserverance. I think it will work this time.

hopehound · Post by **hopehound** » Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:38 am

That makes sense. I'm sorry you're feeling down right now.

I think my issue is that for years any time there was a question, I would assume I was just anxious and making something out of nothing. This went on for years and years and at some point, I want to be able to trust my own instincts. My psychologist said that I question TOO MUCH of what I'm thinking or feeling. I question if I'm "weird" or whatever.

However now that I'm trying to trust my own thoughts and feelings, it makes me question his! I am not sure which is worse. LOL

Vegasmomof4 · Post by **Vegasmomof4** » Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:46 am

I have been obsessively thinking about what I can do to make our intimacy return to what it was. How we were when it was new and exciting. I know that we can't go backward but I do believe that underneath all the pain and worry is a strong love between us. It will never be like it was in the beginning because then we stayed out all night, we drank all night, we didn't have a mortgage or responsibilities. Now, we have been trying to conceive for a few years and that adds to the change in our carefree attitude. I am just hoping that our difficulties will bring us closer and to a deeper level of intimacy that we have had before. I keep saying to myself that we have to move forward and I have to stop holding on to what was.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:07 am

We had infertility issues as well. That certainly didn't help. And now that my youngest is 5 years old, we're trying to get back to normal after all those years of trying and scheduling sex, then me not getting enough sleep and being too tired! We have our moments, but we're not all the way there yet.

Plus, I have this sort of performance anxiety when he says "that was fun. . . it was like when we were dating" then the next time if I'm not feeling as energetic, I freak out thinking he won't have a nice time.