Had a setback

fear not · Post by **fear not** » Wed Oct 01, 2008 2:40 am

Hello everyone!I had a setback this last weekend.I had my 19 year old sons wedding to go to last Saturday.I'm agoraphobic and working hard on overcoming this.I was really nervous about going to the wedding and had a few things adding to it.My dad was there.I have not see him for almost two years except for the weekend before at my granddaughters birthday the weekend before.I had been avoiding him because for some reason I get really panicky around him.I don't know why.He's been really sweet when he's seen me.It wasn't always this way though.He used to be verbally abusive and I'd always feel like I was walking on egg shells around him.My husband is also verbally abusive and I feel the same around him {walking on egg shells}.I also was sick with a cold the day of the wedding.I had to walk down the isle with the brides mother and go up some steps onto the alter to light the candle next to the unity candle.I lost it.My heart started pounding and I started shaking!I don't think that antone could tell but I became instantly terrified!I tried to collect myself and slowed my breathing down which thank God worked.I had to then sit in the front row by myself because my husband would not go to the wedding.Self doubt began to flood in and it took everything I had in me just to sit there during the whole ceremony.I made it but after it was over I did exactly what you're not supposed to do.I ran.I told my sister in law that "I had to go now!!"I don't drive yet so she had to take me home.I didn't stay for the pictures or the reception.I just kept thinking if I don't get out of here I'm going to pass out.Normally I can control this but this time I think I've failed.My anxiety has been higher sense.I've been back out.I won't give up!I used to be housebound until around Feb.I had been pretty much housebound for almost two years.I guess I'm looking for some encouragement from people who now how this condition feels.Thank you all for reading this.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 01, 2008 3:12 am

hi there! it sounds like obviously you have been "beating yourself up" about this since the wedding...so of-course your anxiety has been worse this week. realizing that 1st should actually help to calm yourself. what did lucinda teach in session 3(i think)--you're focusing on the neg. and that is a sure-fire way to create MORE anxiety. Maybe listening to session 3 again along w/ your relax. cd will help. be proud of yourself for going to the wedding. be proud of yourself for staying for the ceremony. be proud of yourself for lighting the unity candle. you can not change the FACT that you didn't stay for pics. or that you didn't make it to the reception so STOP beating yourself up for it! be proud of yourself for going to the wedding!!! Imagine if you didn't make it to the wedding...now that would be terrible...but you DID! good for you! and as far as the people in our lives that feel as though they can "talk down" to us...to some extent-more often than not- we ALLOW them to do this. You work on you for now and eventually and hopefully you will realize that you DON'T deserve to be verbally abused! I don't even know you and feel sooo very proud of you for going to the wedding, facing your father, using techniques that YOU learned to fight anxious feelings that I had to reply to let you know.One day you WILL have the nerve to express that these are the things that you DESERVE to have spoken to you because the TRUTH is you're a MUCH stronger person that stands up in front of a group of people to light a candle for your child to feel proud -NOT- a weak person that feels the need to belittle the people you love in order to make yourself feel stronger!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 01, 2008 3:36 am

Hi fear not,

I havn't a whole lot to add to the other post. It was well spoken in every area.

I really feel you were AMAZING!!!!
It took a lot of guts to do all you did and celebrate the positives and FORGET those negative thoughts. YOU NEED TO BE PROUD OF YOUSELF & REJOICE FOR HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME!!!!!

It's all baby steps that get us to our destination...the happy ending at the end of the long, slow journey we are on.

Remeber how far you have come and don't stop believing in yourself EVER. I am so proud of your accomplishment and don't at all see any set back here.

BELIEVE & JUST KEEP WORKING HARD, YOU ARE DOING WONDERFULL!!!!

Wish You All The Best

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 01, 2008 3:51 am

Congrats and God Bless!! You did remarkably well! God was with you!

Zoe