Scary thoughts about getting pregnant....any help??
So I got married at the beginning of the year and my husband and i have talked about having kids soon down the road and I am scared to death to have a child. I have always wanted to be a mom and I look forward to having a son or daughter one day, but what scares me the most is the sickness that comes with being pregnant and what comes after. I had a friend who about 6-8 months back committed suicide because of post partum depression and I am constantly hearing or reading about normal women who this happens to and it scares the crap out of me to become pregnant because I"m afraid if I get pregnant and have a kid then this is going to happen to me too! Of course I don't want it to happen and I would love to be a mom and have kids I'm just scared that what if I end up just like my friend? What if I can't handle the stress of a baby? What if I end up with post partum??? Can anybody else relate to this or give me any advice????
WOW! I'm so glad you posted this! I just got married in April, and have been dreading the forecasted "child" my husband and I have time, but we both have decided that we want 3-4 kids! So now I have to deal with my anxiety. Due to my seasonal depression and anxiety...it is pretty much forecasted that I will have post-partum depression. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, but don't reflect that upon yourself. I don't know if your on medication, and many could argue the Brook Shields/ Tom Cruise argument. But a short period of time on an anti-depressent will take care of the baby blues. Seak out comfort from family and friends, at least that's my game plan. Well I just got bitten by the baby bug, and I currently want to be a mother! It's scaring the HELL out of me. I'm bouncing back and forth, back and forth. And what worries me the most is that my scary thoughts will be projected onto my child. That I would be more of an anxious mother, which is not what I want my child to grow up with. That being tired alone brings my anxiety to a peak, and babies will make you TIRED!!!! So I'm scared just like you. But in my heart I feel like I should have a child. Just seeing your post was motivational for me, just knowing there is someone in my EXACT same position. I hope this makes you feel the same way.
Is there anyone out there who has been through this that can help the both of us?
Blessings to you,
Emilie
Is there anyone out there who has been through this that can help the both of us?
Blessings to you,
Emilie
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keepontruckin'
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Tue May 06, 2008 9:34 am
yes amd, i totally know how you feel. i've always wanted a big family. i love kids! after going through all this though, i get really scared of not being "happy" when i do get pregnant, or getting post partum. but, i'm learning and coming to accept (it's hard, but we have to) the fact that we don't know what will happen in the future. it's in God's hands. i wonder, why don't we spend as much time and energy excited about having kids, what if-ing about how happy we WILL be or how great we'll feel??? we put ourselves through hell doing this!
Emillie_
No I don't really know anyone who has gone through this. My mother, said she has slight post partum after she had me (she has 3 kids and I was the second 1), but it was more of just crying spells then it was actual depression or anything like that. I have to agree with keepontruckin....we do spend so much time worrying about the what if of becoming a parent or getting pregnant than we do looking forward to and getting excited about being a parent and all the new experiences there will be.
I did hear some about the Brooke Shields situation with the medication, and I am not against it for the short time after a pregnancy and my family is very supportive and close and right here to help....my mother knows my fears and concerns so I have no doubt that she'd be willing to do whatever it takes for me. I plan on talking with my Gyn. next time I go for my checkup. He is a GREAT baby dr. and tends to go for more of the natural self help approaches then just quickly prescribing medication for women so I think when I go see him in a couple months I will talk to him about. I heard somewhere that they may start requiring women to have mental health checkups with their gyn. after they deliver the baby just to help with post partum, but I am not sure if this has become mandatory yet.
No I don't really know anyone who has gone through this. My mother, said she has slight post partum after she had me (she has 3 kids and I was the second 1), but it was more of just crying spells then it was actual depression or anything like that. I have to agree with keepontruckin....we do spend so much time worrying about the what if of becoming a parent or getting pregnant than we do looking forward to and getting excited about being a parent and all the new experiences there will be.
I did hear some about the Brooke Shields situation with the medication, and I am not against it for the short time after a pregnancy and my family is very supportive and close and right here to help....my mother knows my fears and concerns so I have no doubt that she'd be willing to do whatever it takes for me. I plan on talking with my Gyn. next time I go for my checkup. He is a GREAT baby dr. and tends to go for more of the natural self help approaches then just quickly prescribing medication for women so I think when I go see him in a couple months I will talk to him about. I heard somewhere that they may start requiring women to have mental health checkups with their gyn. after they deliver the baby just to help with post partum, but I am not sure if this has become mandatory yet.
I can TOTALLY relate to this! I've figured out that I don't want a baby right now but the closer I get to 35 I may have to reconsider.
I feel like I'm also a prime candidate for post partum depression. Plus I hate to think of how awful I'd feel isolated at home with a baby and nothing intellectually stimulating--I'm extremely stressed at my job right now but at least I can be around people and feel like I have a purpose--I feel like being at home with a baby I could easily become stagnant.
What's more, I lost a lot of weight in the past few years and I'm loathe to put any back on. I've heard that pregnancy can really change your body for the worse.
And finally the thought of something--someone!!--growing in my body is absolutely terrifying to me. Just thinking about it frightens me and I feel like if I was in that situation I might start screaming and never be able to stop.
I feel like I'm also a prime candidate for post partum depression. Plus I hate to think of how awful I'd feel isolated at home with a baby and nothing intellectually stimulating--I'm extremely stressed at my job right now but at least I can be around people and feel like I have a purpose--I feel like being at home with a baby I could easily become stagnant.
What's more, I lost a lot of weight in the past few years and I'm loathe to put any back on. I've heard that pregnancy can really change your body for the worse.
And finally the thought of something--someone!!--growing in my body is absolutely terrifying to me. Just thinking about it frightens me and I feel like if I was in that situation I might start screaming and never be able to stop.
I am so glad to see that there are so many others out there who are like me. I want to have kids "someday", but my someday isn't that far away, since I'm 35. I've got to do it soon, I feel, or I won't get to do it at all.
I am on Cymbalta right now, and it's the best I've felt in years. But if I decide to have a baby, then I figure I'll have to go off of it. I want to enjoy the experience and not be panicking and stressing out.
My biggest fear is that I won't ever be stable enough or feel good enough to actually go through with it and have a child, and then regret it when it's too late.
My second biggest fear is that I will go through with it, and I'll pass all of my anxiety problems on to my kid.
I am on Cymbalta right now, and it's the best I've felt in years. But if I decide to have a baby, then I figure I'll have to go off of it. I want to enjoy the experience and not be panicking and stressing out.
My biggest fear is that I won't ever be stable enough or feel good enough to actually go through with it and have a child, and then regret it when it's too late.
My second biggest fear is that I will go through with it, and I'll pass all of my anxiety problems on to my kid.
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Ethans Mommy!
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:08 pm
I don't know if this will help really but I have been suffering with anxiety for about 8 years now and I just gave birth to my first child in May. I was terrified when I found out because I had TONS of "What if" thoughts. I am 19 years old and was not ready either. But as far as getting sick I was for the first 3 months and honestly during my pregnancy I don't know if it was due to a change in my body or what but I had ALOT less anxiety. As for the baby blues I had it a little bit and was sad and my mood fluctuated as if I were on my menstrual cycle. One minute I was crying and the next I was ticked off. If you get it really bad though you would just go to your doctor and they would help you. It isn't a reason to avoid having children if you really want them. After all they will bring much joy into your life!!! I hope that this can help a little.
Jacquelyne
Jacquelyne
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- Posts: 10
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 12:00 pm
This is kind of wierd coming to this blog because this a fear that just recently started bothering me. Because my fiance who is 21 is wanting and trying to get me pregnant but I worry that because of my anxiety something will go wrong I mean I actually had fears that i would die giving birth!Im also scared I wont be a good mother because of this stupid thing. But thank you Jacquelyne now I feel a little at ease. Im also 19 and realize I have plenty of time but like I said my fiancee is really pressuring me about this subject! Stephanie
To Everyone on here,
I think this is a great and wonderful topic for us all to support each other on. Since this is less talked about on these posts, well at least I feel it is. I think what it boils down to is that we don't know how our bodies will react. We have so many hormones pumping through our bodies, that having a baby could make us worse, or strangely enough BETTER! I've actually heard that having a child has changed a mother's hormonal chemistry and left her with NO anxiety! Wouldn't that be AMAZING? But that's wishful thinking, and that gets us no where. Like "what if" thinking gets us no where at all. AMD, it sounds like you are well supported, and honestly are similar to me when it comes to frame of mind for support. I am currently on medication, Xanax and Prozac. Although some hate the thought, I have found it to be very helpful for me. Getting pregnant means that I have to get off the meds for the sake of my child. Of course something I would do, but talk about SCARY! I have a wonderful psycologyst and psychiatrist who have discussed how we would approach my anxiety throughout pregnancy, and any issues with post partom. It is actually a relief. I've only heard that once you are pregnant, although uncomfortable in many ways, just the idea that you can create life is amazing on it's own, not frightening. From Jacquelyne's response it sounds like she is sharing exactly that with us all. Thank you Jacquelyne. Personally, I have dreaded getting pregnant from day 1. I love kids, but I don't love being around them too long. All of a sudden, as if God is telling me something, I have this feeling to have a child. There is something magical in this. I am afraid of everything and more then what everyone has stated on here, but sometimes I feel that things are beyond our decision, and God will provide. Plus, what's better then a very understanding loving parent that could help thier child with any type of disorder from day one, since we all already know so much. I hope we all can come together in this. I would love to support you all, and hopefully get the same in return. Plus, as an up side, have you ever thought that if you have someone else in your life, like a child, that makes you forget about you, then our "what if" thinking would go away?
Emilie
I think this is a great and wonderful topic for us all to support each other on. Since this is less talked about on these posts, well at least I feel it is. I think what it boils down to is that we don't know how our bodies will react. We have so many hormones pumping through our bodies, that having a baby could make us worse, or strangely enough BETTER! I've actually heard that having a child has changed a mother's hormonal chemistry and left her with NO anxiety! Wouldn't that be AMAZING? But that's wishful thinking, and that gets us no where. Like "what if" thinking gets us no where at all. AMD, it sounds like you are well supported, and honestly are similar to me when it comes to frame of mind for support. I am currently on medication, Xanax and Prozac. Although some hate the thought, I have found it to be very helpful for me. Getting pregnant means that I have to get off the meds for the sake of my child. Of course something I would do, but talk about SCARY! I have a wonderful psycologyst and psychiatrist who have discussed how we would approach my anxiety throughout pregnancy, and any issues with post partom. It is actually a relief. I've only heard that once you are pregnant, although uncomfortable in many ways, just the idea that you can create life is amazing on it's own, not frightening. From Jacquelyne's response it sounds like she is sharing exactly that with us all. Thank you Jacquelyne. Personally, I have dreaded getting pregnant from day 1. I love kids, but I don't love being around them too long. All of a sudden, as if God is telling me something, I have this feeling to have a child. There is something magical in this. I am afraid of everything and more then what everyone has stated on here, but sometimes I feel that things are beyond our decision, and God will provide. Plus, what's better then a very understanding loving parent that could help thier child with any type of disorder from day one, since we all already know so much. I hope we all can come together in this. I would love to support you all, and hopefully get the same in return. Plus, as an up side, have you ever thought that if you have someone else in your life, like a child, that makes you forget about you, then our "what if" thinking would go away?
Emilie