Desperate times
Okay, so here I am getting married in less than 2 weeks and all I can focus on is "I hope I don't pass out or get sick at the wedding." I have lost sleep over this!! I am marrying a tremendously wonderful man who is my rock through all of this. I am also having TERRIBLE unreality that eats at me all day. "is this real?" "This wedding doesn't seem real." All that stuff! And the images I can create in my head...oh boy...I could write a bestselling novel about the scariest thoughts a person can conjure up! And my head....my poor head won't stop spinning and thinking that I am just going to fall over and have "the big one." A little history..my mom passed away suddenly almost 6 years ago and I have never really gotten through that. My grandmother died last year. My father got remarried (yes, the same year as me!) this year and my job is in turmoil. I have been dealing with this horrible health anxiety, hypochondriasis, dizziness, unreality for almost 2 years now and I am just tired of it. I have gone through the tape once and am on my second round praying for some sort of miraculous message. I want to get through this wedding and not look back at this saying, "I wish I didn't feel so sick." If anyone out there can offer me some advice, I would appreciate it!! Thank you all!!
I see you're going through the tapes. That's great! The big question is, are you doing the work? Are you reading the flash cards multiple times a day and listening to the relaxation audio at least once a day?
Are you writing down your negative thoughts AND writing down positive thoughts to replace them? This is CRITICAL! You will get through this. It sounds as if there are so many things stimulating you now (for good or bad - such as the job). Take ONE change at a time! Focus on positive self-talk about your marriage! Focus on the fact that you're so lovable and you are so lucky to have found someone smart enough to see that in you and he WANTS to marry you!
I got married a couple of years ago and things were insane around that time. My job was a nightmare and I obsessed about it so much and trying to plan a wedding on top of it was so overwhelming to me. If I had had this progam then and the skills, I know I would have gotten through it better. The point is, even without it, I got through it.
Realize your anxiety is just that - anxiety and scary thoughts. It won't harm you. Float with it and move on!
Best of all - don't forget each day to be in the present moment!!!
Best wishes to you!
Are you writing down your negative thoughts AND writing down positive thoughts to replace them? This is CRITICAL! You will get through this. It sounds as if there are so many things stimulating you now (for good or bad - such as the job). Take ONE change at a time! Focus on positive self-talk about your marriage! Focus on the fact that you're so lovable and you are so lucky to have found someone smart enough to see that in you and he WANTS to marry you!
I got married a couple of years ago and things were insane around that time. My job was a nightmare and I obsessed about it so much and trying to plan a wedding on top of it was so overwhelming to me. If I had had this progam then and the skills, I know I would have gotten through it better. The point is, even without it, I got through it.
Realize your anxiety is just that - anxiety and scary thoughts. It won't harm you. Float with it and move on!
Best of all - don't forget each day to be in the present moment!!!
Best wishes to you!
The only advice I have is that seeing it from another perspective, you have every reason to feel weird, spacey, anxious. With the deaths and stress (good and bad) that you've experienced, anyone would feel goofy. We are just sensitive so the feelings are a bit more intense because we make them that way.
The only way out is through. Tell yourself over and over and over that "the feelings and thoughts are just anxiety trying to stir me up. There's nothing more to it. I do NOT have to like these feelings and I have every right to feel frustrated, but I AM willing to have them because I know the paradox of the brain is that if I'm willing to experience the feelings and thoughts, they'll eventually stop having so much power."
Again, they're nothing but anxiety and the only reason they bug us like they do is because we feed them. It's hard. It's not going to be perfect, but you can do you very best to pay attention to the joys in the midst of it all.
Remember also that there are shows about Bridezillas out there and not all weddings are like in the movies! They're stressful!! Expect some funky anxiety and feeling a bit frazzled.It's normal! It's usually never as bad as we think.
All the best to you!
The only way out is through. Tell yourself over and over and over that "the feelings and thoughts are just anxiety trying to stir me up. There's nothing more to it. I do NOT have to like these feelings and I have every right to feel frustrated, but I AM willing to have them because I know the paradox of the brain is that if I'm willing to experience the feelings and thoughts, they'll eventually stop having so much power."
Again, they're nothing but anxiety and the only reason they bug us like they do is because we feed them. It's hard. It's not going to be perfect, but you can do you very best to pay attention to the joys in the midst of it all.
Remember also that there are shows about Bridezillas out there and not all weddings are like in the movies! They're stressful!! Expect some funky anxiety and feeling a bit frazzled.It's normal! It's usually never as bad as we think.
All the best to you!
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pipermarie66
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2008 1:16 am
Hi labourg I understand your feelings completely. Im only on week, doing session one too. I just got married in may and I was so scared before the wedding that it was going to be horrible and I wouldnt enjoy any of it. I thought I would have a heart attack or maybe my legs would get weak and not support me,or I would have an attack of dizziness ( I hate that one) you name it, I worried about it. I decided that nothing was going to keep me from marrying the man I love and that if something did happen then someone would just call an ambulance. Once I decided I was doing it no matter what the day went fine. Not to say I wasnt freaked before because I was but I just refused to give in to it. I forced and I mean forced myself to think about how wonderful my husband to be was and I visualized looking into his eyes and saying our vows as though we were the only two in the world. I spent the week before doing this and it worked. I had some moments and I wish that I could have been free of all of this before we got married but I am so grateful to be married to such an amazing, loving man. Really all I can give you is to focus on the things you love about your fiance and how much you love him and when those scary thoughts and feelings come in , tell yourself "NO" Im choosing to think about this instead. Congratulations!!! I will be rooting for you!
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monty'smom
- Posts: 151
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:14 pm
Good Morning labourg,
You are facing a very big day in your life so of course you have all that extra stress right now. I did, and most brides or grooms to be have it. Our personality traits make us think all sorts of bad, scary things. Try to calm yourself anyway you can, you need to take a lot of deep breaths, listen to the relaxation cd as often as you can, distract your mind for a while anyway that will work for you.
Everything will be great, notice I didn't say perfect...as nothing in life is perfect because we expect way too much from ourselves and others. Start writing all those bad thought down..look at them and then start crossing them out or puting a more realistic positve thought beside the bad one. This can be soooo helpfull.
It gets them out of your head and with me once I saw all these on paper I was able to just look and say OMG look at what I've been telling myself over and over, day after day, year after year. It was way off the wall but I couldn't see that until it was on paper.
Do session 3 over and over again and any others that pertain to what you need help with to get control of all your emotions and bad thoughts.
I hope this was some help. I can really feel your anxiety and all the pressure is just screaming at me.
BELIEVE IN YOUSELF, BELIEVE ALL IS OKAY, BE KIND AND GENTLE TO YOURSELF,
God Bless and GOOD LUCK
You are facing a very big day in your life so of course you have all that extra stress right now. I did, and most brides or grooms to be have it. Our personality traits make us think all sorts of bad, scary things. Try to calm yourself anyway you can, you need to take a lot of deep breaths, listen to the relaxation cd as often as you can, distract your mind for a while anyway that will work for you.
Everything will be great, notice I didn't say perfect...as nothing in life is perfect because we expect way too much from ourselves and others. Start writing all those bad thought down..look at them and then start crossing them out or puting a more realistic positve thought beside the bad one. This can be soooo helpfull.
It gets them out of your head and with me once I saw all these on paper I was able to just look and say OMG look at what I've been telling myself over and over, day after day, year after year. It was way off the wall but I couldn't see that until it was on paper.
Do session 3 over and over again and any others that pertain to what you need help with to get control of all your emotions and bad thoughts.
I hope this was some help. I can really feel your anxiety and all the pressure is just screaming at me.
BELIEVE IN YOUSELF, BELIEVE ALL IS OKAY, BE KIND AND GENTLE TO YOURSELF,
God Bless and GOOD LUCK
BELIEVE YOU CAN CONQUER ANYTHING~ AND YOU WILL !! I DID IT, YES !!!!!
Dear labourg,
I can't add more to what the others have said. There is a lot of wisdom in these posts. Please follow through with their advice. The positive self talk, journaling, breathing and relaxation CD really work. I also had to go through the program twice to let the tools finally sink in.
The anticipatory anxiety really hits me as well, but just remember that this is your special day and these are only thoughts that can't hurt you.
I'm routing for you and know that you will have a beautiful wedding.
I can't add more to what the others have said. There is a lot of wisdom in these posts. Please follow through with their advice. The positive self talk, journaling, breathing and relaxation CD really work. I also had to go through the program twice to let the tools finally sink in.
The anticipatory anxiety really hits me as well, but just remember that this is your special day and these are only thoughts that can't hurt you.
I'm routing for you and know that you will have a beautiful wedding.