Real frustration

[lil_bit]

So here it is, almost 5 in the morning where I am, and yet again I can't sleep. For the life of me I can't shut my brain off long enough to relax and fall asleep. I have a therapists appointment tomorrow, and lets just say I'm less than enthused with going. This will be only my second visit to this therapist and I'm already certain it's not going to be a helpful visit. You see at my last (and first visit) the therapist told me that she was going to talk me into taking meds for my anxiety. I've tried meds and did not have a good experience. I politely explained to her the response I had to meds and that I had much more success with cognitive behavioral therapy. I did not like the fact that she was so set on the fact that she was going to "talk me into" doing something I do not want to do. Because I was so upset after the last appointment I had panic attacks for the rest of the day when I got home, not what I think she was going for, but the cause of none the less. Now I know you're all saying "Why don't you just find another therapist?" I lost my job about a month and a half ago...the third one thanks to my anxiety, and did not have insurance to go back to the phsycologist that actually helped me. I finally got medicaid but the woman that processed my paper work failed to mention that the part that would cover me seeing that doctor would take almost two months to kick in. I needed to do something, and soon, so I contacted a local mental health organization that directed me to the clinic that I'm going to now. If I stop seeing this therapist, my family and friends will be angry with me since they do not understand the situation I am in and I don't want to anger my family and friends because there all I have right now for help. In the same respect though, I'm tired of everyone telling me I should do this or that. I know I am the only one responsible for my recovery from my anxiety, but I do need help too. I'm just so frustrated all the time...I try to do something to help myself but in the process shoot myself in the foot.

I don't know what I'm getting at here, I guess I was just hoping getting this off my mind and on here would help me stop ruminating about it and get some sleep. Comments, suggestions, what ever ya got is welcome.

I just want to get back to life...why do the people that are supposed to help make it so hard?

[~Shelby~]

Hello,
Have you gone through the program?

[wendyj5]

I understand where you are coming from not wanting to take meds, I fought having to take meds, but it was because I was scared of them.I did finally give in and it gave me time to get my footing and learn more about anxiety/panic. When you go see you therapist today be assertive with her. Explain about the attack you had last time you saw you and that you do not want meds. And see if she will be willing to work with you then, if not then you really need to see if there is another therapist you can see n your area. Hope all goes well for you today and I will keep you in my prayers.

[panicked]

hey i know exactly where you are coming from i suffered anxiety and panic for a long time as well and just recently have started seeing a therapist i am in the same situation as you without insurance so my choices are pretty limited as well they also put me on medication lexapro which i have not taken as of yet i am am afraid of taking it as i dont take medication of any sort for anything the only thing that i can say is that it is your choice and only your choice the whole anxiety issue is about ourselves and we are the only ones who can change it i have ordered the program but in the meantime i am reading the book called from panic to power it has lots of good lessons in it and has helped me greatly be strong when you go to the therapist and voice your opinion do not do anything unless you are comfortable with it keep strong and god bless