Socially awkward??
So I've struggled with social anxiety for years. Probably generalized anxiety as well. I've been through the program twice, and after the second time through, I had a huge break-through. I felt like I could see things clearly for the first time in my life. But as of late, I've regressed. One of the hardest things for me has always been mingling or doing the small-talk thing. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know how, and so I still avoid those situations. I try to put myself in the situations, so at least I'm not totally avoiding, but then when I'm there, I feel like I just don't have anything to say, and can't really engage much. It seems like my thoughts are just consumed by the "oh God, what will I say next?" thoughts (while the conversation is going), so I can't even concentrate. Ugh! Sometimes I just think I need social skills training or something like that. Anyone else dealing with this? Ideas or insights? Thanks!
Hi Crave 
,
I can understand how you are feeling. My anxiety has made me uncomfortable in certain social circumstances also. I think we are so afraid of not meeting the approval of those around us. We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and this just heightens the anxiety.
When I'm out with people I try to REALLY listen to what they are saying. Staying in the moment takes my mind off the what ifs. People like a good listener and if I'm really a participant, there is always something for me to say!!
Share yourself with others. They will be drawn to the great person that you are. Just be YOU!!
Marcie
,I can understand how you are feeling. My anxiety has made me uncomfortable in certain social circumstances also. I think we are so afraid of not meeting the approval of those around us. We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and this just heightens the anxiety.
When I'm out with people I try to REALLY listen to what they are saying. Staying in the moment takes my mind off the what ifs. People like a good listener and if I'm really a participant, there is always something for me to say!!
Share yourself with others. They will be drawn to the great person that you are. Just be YOU!!
Marcie
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karenLeigh
- Posts: 112
- Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 3:35 pm
I have noticed recently that I just don't "want" to be social. Is that mean? I got upset sunday night when confronted about something. Then I just isolated myself from the whole group. I was mad at "me" for what I said (or didn't say). It has made me anxious because I can't stop people from talking to me...it's crazy! I hate being put on the spot about things. I'm at a point in my progress(the Program) that I don't know if it's "me" or the Anxiety&depression. I think Lucinda talks about this. Where you will get to a place where you are like...(example)"Do I want to go shopping or am I avoiding it because of the A&D. It is getting me confused.
I nead help with this as well.
We will make it!!! It just gets hard along the way.
I nead help with this as well.
We will make it!!! It just gets hard along the way.
"Greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world".
Thanks Marcie. That all makes a lot of sense. I know I just put way more pressure on myself than I should, in a lot of these cases.
I usually do pretty good with the listening part - it's when the other person really doesn't have much to say either, when I start to lose it.
Like you say, I guess that's when I should just share something about myself. I guess I just think they won't really care, but that is surely some negative thinking.
I usually do pretty good with the listening part - it's when the other person really doesn't have much to say either, when I start to lose it.
Like you say, I guess that's when I should just share something about myself. I guess I just think they won't really care, but that is surely some negative thinking.
hi. I can so relate. I am so socially awkward in certain situations. I really want to overcome this. Like for instance tonight my neighbors stop by to meet me and my daughter told me they were at the door and I told her to get her dad and i went to my room and told her I couldnt go to the door. I started getting all nervous and anxiety like what will they think of me etc. It is so painful to be this awkward and shy especially when I have kids and need to be outgoing etc. Is there any advice out there that can help me in this area. I feel like such a child and embarressed that I am like this. I just shut myself out from everyone and i realize this is not healthy I just wish I could be more outgoing. I hope to become a more secure stronger person and would love any advice. We will all make it it is just a tough road to get there!! I hope I didn't babble on too much I just needed to vent. My husband got mad and told me to quit hiding, he just doesn't understand i guess the anxiety thing. I look forward to the support on here because you can't just tell anyone without being judged and labeled.
karenLeigh, Confrontations have always been very difficult for me too. Lot's of negative thinking going on in the background here too. Hmmm, I'm sensing a pattern here.. 
For me it's more of a "oh God, I'm in the spot-light", like I suddenly have to do public speaking. I'm often weary of saying the wrong thing or sounding dumb, so I'll keep my response very short. What kills me is that sometimes, by keeping it short, I don't even say what I really mean! I'll often try to make light of the situation, throw in some humor, or try to throw it back at the other person, but generally I don't really get my point across.
I have some negative thinking to work on here..
For me it's more of a "oh God, I'm in the spot-light", like I suddenly have to do public speaking. I'm often weary of saying the wrong thing or sounding dumb, so I'll keep my response very short. What kills me is that sometimes, by keeping it short, I don't even say what I really mean! I'll often try to make light of the situation, throw in some humor, or try to throw it back at the other person, but generally I don't really get my point across.
I have some negative thinking to work on here..
Wow, I'm really beginning to see the benefit of asking for help this way. It's already made me think about it in a totally different way, just by writing about it..
ali04, I also used to avoid social situations like the plague. I'm getting better, but I still struggle with it a lot. Have you been through the program? Have you written down your negative thoughts and replacements for them? It took me a while to realize how important it is to WRITE these down. Just thinking about them doesn't seem to do much at all.
And yes, we are all very lucky to have a community of other people that understand where we are all coming from. My (soon-to-be) ex-wife never got it either. If someone hasn't been down in these trenches, they really can't relate.
ali04, I also used to avoid social situations like the plague. I'm getting better, but I still struggle with it a lot. Have you been through the program? Have you written down your negative thoughts and replacements for them? It took me a while to realize how important it is to WRITE these down. Just thinking about them doesn't seem to do much at all.
And yes, we are all very lucky to have a community of other people that understand where we are all coming from. My (soon-to-be) ex-wife never got it either. If someone hasn't been down in these trenches, they really can't relate.
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karenLeigh
- Posts: 112
- Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 3:35 pm
Crave, I started the program in feb. but never finished. This time I am sticking with it and looking forward to the changes and tools I need to help overcome this. I haven't wrote down my negative thoughts and will try that and hope it will work for me. Thanks for the Great advice. I just don't always feeling so awkward when it comes to socializing. It seems like it has gotten worse for me since I just shut myself out from the world and meeting people. I always feel like people think of me as insecure,shy,etc. I have to stop with the negatives I know it is just so hard. Thanks again for advice and I will start the journaling.
karenLeigh, Yes I had also lost track of writing down my negatives. 
Bad Crave! It is really something I think you need to keep doing. I know it makes a big difference for me. I also got a book recommended by others on the books forum here ("Been There, Done That? Do This!"), and the author emphasizes the importance of writing these, so I've gotten back into it. The way I see it, the negatives will keep building up in your head until you "clear" them out by writing about them..
Bad Crave! It is really something I think you need to keep doing. I know it makes a big difference for me. I also got a book recommended by others on the books forum here ("Been There, Done That? Do This!"), and the author emphasizes the importance of writing these, so I've gotten back into it. The way I see it, the negatives will keep building up in your head until you "clear" them out by writing about them..