So to make a very long story short, I've had anxiety for the last 5 years but over the summer it has gotten worse to the point where I needed to take time off from work.
Well my parents found out, I'm 27 and live with my boyfriend, and they came over tonight to discuss my issues. Well both my parents are in the medical field, and my dad has dealt with anxiety in his own life. Well they told me that they will no longer take the word "no" for an answer. If I'm too scared to go somewhere well then that's too bad (I deal with agoraphobia from time to time). My dad said he didn't care if I had to tremble and vomit the entire time, I was going to do it. My mom said she ia coming over my house tomorrow and we are going to drive around and it doesn't matter what I say. I def. need a push to do things, butt driving like 30-40 min away from my house is huge!!! I think its too big of a jump to start. Maybe 15-20 would be better.
I'm scared. I know I need the help and I appreciate it from them. My dad understands the "baby steps" but I don't think my mom does, even though she is a nurse. I don't want to be pushed into something I'm not completely ready for. Help!
Yikes!!!
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Guest
Wow..that's a tuff one. I feel your pain. I too have agoraphobia from time to time. Have you let your parents and boyfriend listen to that cd that comes with the program. I can't think of the name of it. I know it's for the one's that are the closes to you. My husband listened to it. It's suppose to help "them" to understand what your going thru.
I think what you said is good. Try 15 or 20 min. Just be honest and say hey look...I can only handle this much right now. if you feel your mom does not understand maybe you could show her one of the dvd's. That way Lucinda can help with doing some of the talking for you. I know it's hard for me to speak up to my mom and I'm 36! So your not alone...hang in there and good-luck.
I'm not yesterday and I'm not tommorrow...I am Now!
I think what you said is good. Try 15 or 20 min. Just be honest and say hey look...I can only handle this much right now. if you feel your mom does not understand maybe you could show her one of the dvd's. That way Lucinda can help with doing some of the talking for you. I know it's hard for me to speak up to my mom and I'm 36! So your not alone...hang in there and good-luck.
I'm not yesterday and I'm not tommorrow...I am Now!
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Guest
I agree with Karen on this one!! Let her listen to that CD and tell her that you are glad that she is helping you and giving you a push.
It might be good to explain to her that pushing TOO much without working up to things can actually do the opposite and reconfirm your fear. It is better to do smaller steps with lower levels of anxiety until that goes away and then branch out. If just listening to the "I'll Be There for You Cd" isn't enough to get through to her...see if she will do each week with you. The support tips in each section will be great for her! Maybe ask her if she will commit to doing two to three weeks of sessions with you before she starts trying to push what SHE thinks will help. Hopefully by then she will have a better understanding.
If she still doesn't get this, ask her if she would please see someone WITH you and let them explain it to her.
Your parents care a great deal about you and it sounds like it is really bothering them that you are going through this. They want to waltz in and fix it...
You need to make sure that you set clear boundaries to make sure that your recovery goes well...and that means if they don't want to work with you, then they will have to take no for an answer. You are an adult, and can do what you want. However, it's also good that they want to push you to some degree, because we will never wake up and really feel ready. I have been struggling more than normal for some reason the last week or so...I know it is terrible sometimes. Hang in there.
It might be good to explain to her that pushing TOO much without working up to things can actually do the opposite and reconfirm your fear. It is better to do smaller steps with lower levels of anxiety until that goes away and then branch out. If just listening to the "I'll Be There for You Cd" isn't enough to get through to her...see if she will do each week with you. The support tips in each section will be great for her! Maybe ask her if she will commit to doing two to three weeks of sessions with you before she starts trying to push what SHE thinks will help. Hopefully by then she will have a better understanding.
If she still doesn't get this, ask her if she would please see someone WITH you and let them explain it to her.
Your parents care a great deal about you and it sounds like it is really bothering them that you are going through this. They want to waltz in and fix it...
You need to make sure that you set clear boundaries to make sure that your recovery goes well...and that means if they don't want to work with you, then they will have to take no for an answer. You are an adult, and can do what you want. However, it's also good that they want to push you to some degree, because we will never wake up and really feel ready. I have been struggling more than normal for some reason the last week or so...I know it is terrible sometimes. Hang in there.
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Guest
Well I just wanted to give an update that my mom and I did go out today but luckily not 40 min away. One of my problems is I don't like driving with other people because if I want to leave I'm stuck with them. We decided to drive to the laundry mat and do some loads. We were "stuck" there for about an hour and half until all the laundry was done. I didn't panic once and afterwards we stopped at the video store and to grab something to eat. Even though it wasn't far away, I still feel accomplished that I was able to drive with someone and stay somewhere I couldn't leave right awat without panic!
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Good for you!!! I did the same thing yest. I actually went out for lunch in a restuarant. I haven't done that in years. I feel like I've done something great. And you have to. Be proud of yourself!!!!!Originally posted by GI822:
Well I just wanted to give an update that my mom and I did go out today but luckily not 40 min away. One of my problems is I don't like driving with other people because if I want to leave I'm stuck with them. We decided to drive to the laundry mat and do some loads. We were "stuck" there for about an hour and half until all the laundry was done. I didn't panic once and afterwards we stopped at the video store and to grab something to eat. Even though it wasn't far away, I still feel accomplished that I was able to drive with someone and stay somewhere I couldn't leave right awat without panic!
GI822 - Fantastic job pushing through something you were afraid to do and you did it!!! I am very happy for you.
As far as feeling pressured to do things you are not ready for, I agree with the other posts, let your parents listen to the CD. There is also a couple of pages in the book for family members to read. I actually copied it and gave it to my husband, sisters and parents and they have been nothing but supportive.
Good Luck
Lisa
As far as feeling pressured to do things you are not ready for, I agree with the other posts, let your parents listen to the CD. There is also a couple of pages in the book for family members to read. I actually copied it and gave it to my husband, sisters and parents and they have been nothing but supportive.
Good Luck
Lisa
"Life is not about comfort. It is about living." Dr. Howard Liebgold
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Just remember what your parents have done for you, because it is definitely hereditary, and you will probably have a child someday that despite their trembling, crying and vomiting, will have to drag out of the house too. I owe my life to my mother, and not just in the traditional way. She has pulled me out of some very dark deep holes, and I didn't do it willlingly. Great job!!!!