dealing with a ill family member

calmchange · Post by **calmchange** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:43 pm

Hi i'm new to this and would love to know about how people feel in this situation...i have a grandmother who is 98 and is obviously getting old..we had scares since last year were we thought we'll loss her, i'm so worried abt the day we'll loss her..my BIGGEST fear is i'll go crazy when this happens. i would be able to sleep, i'll have continuing panic attacks, i feel like i'll hallucinate, hear things..basically loss the plot...! i'm so scare did anyone else feel this way..and get throught it..! another thing is i have a fear of ghost..like for some reason i feel like what when she dies like worry that i'll see her as a ghost..and the whole thing is scare bcoz to me thats what scary ppl beleive therefore i'll be scare//i hope i make sense...my past experience when some one dies suggests that i won't think that way and i'll be fine..but this is the first time someone CLOSE ( distance as well as relative) is ill. i did have my other grandmother pass away last year..and i was worried about it..but i coped..but my mind kept telling well she is in another country so your REALLY not dealing with it...! any advise will help!!! these scary thoughts are way too much!! but i'm sure we'll all have them in our own ways..! my scary thoughts include how will i be able to sleep after she dies..my problem now is when we have a sccare and i worry she'll die i have problem sleeping and when i sleep i have dreams about her dying..and i wake up with a panic and i have to clam myslef down by saying she is in the ext room..but if she dies i cant say that...so i worry how i will cope then..i also worry that i wont be able to live in the house that she lived in..! i worry i'll see her as a ghost..but with this thought i know that it wont happen and its my Negative thinking..but that exactly what i'm scared off..what my mind is going to do when this happens..! if you have been this this situation and most importantly had similar thought as i have please reply back bcoz i would love to hear from you...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:24 am

calmchange, your post is filled with what-if scary thoughts. What if you changed your "what if I go crazy if my grandmother dies" to "what if I don't go crazy and what if I don't have another panic attack". I have been taking care of my mother who is battling Stage III breast cancer. When I talked to the surgeon and was told it was stage 3, my first reaction was "What if she dies, what will I do?" In going through the program I have changed my thoughts to positive statements - "what if she beats this cancer" "what if they caught it in time". I am happy to say that my mom has ended her chemo, starting radiation and her scan last week showed no cancer. A couple of things you could do is listen to the relaxation cd at least 3 times a day. I have also added meditation, which I love, it has reduced my anxiety and panic. Don't be afraid of the physical symptoms of the panic attack, float through it and it will lose its power.

Dealing with a sick relative is very hard. You are obviously very close to your grandmother and being anxious about her health is normal. You are coping with this as a person who has anxiety; you are not going crazy. Maybe if you wrote your fears in a journal, you would release them from you thoughts and lessen your anxiety. Hang in there; this program will give you the tools to get through all of this.

LisaLisa

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 05, 2008 9:38 am

Thank you so mych LisaLisa! i think deep down i know its my anxiety but like you said i have alot of what if questions. i dont have the program, currently bcoz i can't afford it, as i'm not working currently. i think b/c my anxiety was centred around work the first time it happened i have difficulties..but you know what i think i'm coming very close to getting back to some form of work..maybe not therapy..as i was a counselling therapist. as its is highly stressful. i have come along way since last year...i can float past anxiety at moost..but its this situation with grandma that gets be all wired up..! i'm a great claire weekes fan so her book have really helped..i would love to get the program, in time when i have money. thank you for your time and best of luck to you..!

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Fri Sep 05, 2008 11:30 am

calmchange, you are so welcome. Good luck to you. Before I got this program, my counselor told me when I was feeling down and anxious to write a list of 20 things I was grateful for. That was a great help because it helped me to become more positive. I am convinced when I started working on my positive dialogue my anxiety started to diminish, too. I have not had a panic attack since July 4th. Best of luck to you.

LisaLisa