Could use some perspective here

[bevhembree]

Everything's just all jumbled up in my head right now. Physically, I have the crud (stopped up head, throat on fire, pressure in the sinuses), my stomach burns from the ibuprofin for my neck, and my neck and shoulder pain has been relentless for several weeks (there's an old whiplash injury, a bulging disc, and arthritis/bone spurs all in the same spot in there).
The weather here is still bad, but no damage or anything from Gustav. But I have to go to town today for several reasons. I know better than to go with all the people coming back through and the tornado warnings, but I want to know this crud out b/c I feel horrible. And ya'll might remember my experience with a new psychiatrist that wasn't good. I am trying the replacement dr for my old one today. It'd be 3 weeks to get back in with her. Plus she's doing an evaluation which I never had done with the old one. I can't really even tell you what my diagnosis is. I've got several other things too but there's something in my head saying "You're going to stress out if you try to do this with two kids!"
And then there's the little fight we had here at the house the other day. Seems like I'm very quick to mention the bad things that are rough, then I never say anything positive about my husband. But, sometimes I end up in a mood for some reason and don't want to talk. He sees the wheels turning up there and sees me suffering inside and wants to help. I'm determined to work it out alone (not be burdening, negative), but it's like quicksand. So fast forward to me being distraught-not functioning- and him being frustrated. He says it's silly to hold in all in when we might can work thru whatever together. I say it makes me too dependant on him.
Well, eventually he'll lose his temper, I'll cry, hateful things will be said on his part and we eventually face whatever it is together anyway. He says it's bad that he has to lose his temper for me to snap out of it. When it's done, it's done- for him. He can move on from anything. I'll be fine for a while, then a thought will pop back up. He can apologize until the cows come home for something said in anger, but it will still haunt me.
This time, I got angry and was spouting off too. I have never done that with him. It HURTS me to hurt him, and I went in every direction until I had him in tears. I left out the door (for church, isn't that hypocritical) with the kids, and it killed me to think of him there upset over what I said. It's like it's hard to live with what I've done. The old sticks and stones theory is sometimes false. Words can hurt bad. So the divorce word has flown from him, and I'm so stubborn I stayed as cold-hearted as you can get.
We had a cooling off, were BOTH at fault, and talked it out. Everything is fine. Every couple has fights, right? Surely we're not the only ones who lose our temper. And sometimes you are the worst to someone who is closest.
So we forgive and forget, but when happens when the forgetting part doesn't work so well and the words haunt you- mine and his?

[Guest]

Dear, dear, dear...please go easy on yourselves! I don't have any deep, philosophical, expert words of wisdom to sooth your mind, other than, "ease up"! You all have been thru ALOT these past several days with the preparations and anticipations of Gustav approaching...I'd think most everyone's nerves were on edge...and from my perspective, yes, most any married couple has fights and have been known to say things that you don't REALLY mean. Guilty of that one my very own self! :p
At the risk of making a VERY generalized statement, I find most men want to be able to "fix" our struggles...and while it be true that we're not always a "quick fix", so often, talking over our issues with someone else helps to put it all into better perspective! Given my own situation and now reading in your post, by not saying anything, so as to not be a burden and/or negative we keep closed lipped when in fact it all boils over and there you have it...still to deal with! From reading some of your past posts, I can't imagine that someone coming to you in need of talking and getting things off their chest would be seen as being a "burden" to you! Correct?! Give your hubby a hug, know that he's got your best interest at heart and thank God that you all have been spared from Gustav...too much to be thankful for! Best wishes to you & hope you're feeling better from the yuck very soon!

[Guest]

Don't forget to breathe slowly and deeply. Here is just a little suggestion to do something nice for yourself- have you ever tried one of those sinus cleanse devices? I've had physical crud for a couple weeks now (sinus infection) and my doctor recommended I try a Netipot for some symptomatic relief. You can get these at CVS or Walgreen's. It resembles a small watering can that you mix warm water and salt and baking soda, tilt your head to one side, let the liquid flow in the nostril then out the other side. Sounds gross, feels strange, but I have never breathed so clearly. Sometimes when you can breathe clearer you can get your perspective back. Good luck, know that you're not alone in the dark, some of us are right there with you

[Guest]

I'm here, and I'm good. Thank you for the advice, and I'm taking it! Little dip in the road- downhill from here, right?