Ok to make a long story short I've been out of work for a month do to my anxiety and panic attacks. From June up until I left for leave, which was July 18th, everyday I had to deal with dizziness, panic attacks, loss of appetite, upset stomach, vomiting, worry, all those fun symptoms.
I moved out of my home with my boyfriend in 2005. Since then, my anxiety has gotten worse and worse over the years. My boyfriend has always been very supportive about my anxiety but tonight I think he's had it. He asked me if I was going to work tomorrow and I said no. He got really mad and started yelling and said that I'm not trying hard enough and I should go to work no matter how sick I feel. He said I need to tough it out until it gets better. I told him I tried that for a month and half, and I just couldn't do it anymore. He said that it doesn't matter and that sitting here isn't going to help me. He then said that if I don't go back to work this week he is going to move back in with his parents and I need to go back home and live with mine. He said he's afraid that I'm never going to go back and when my short term disability runs out we'll be broke and kicked out of our house.
In many ways I do agree with him. I understand that sitting here all day isn't going to help me but I do get out of the house, I drive around, I exercise everyday, do the program etc... I know I need to go back and like the program says you can't wait until you feel better because otherwise you never will. I also feel bad for him. I don't go to any of his family functions, I won't take a trip anywhere, I mean what kind of girlfriend is that to have for someone who lives normally?
In a way I know going back home will help my anxiety because my parents will MAKE me do stuff I don't want to do. They'll throw me in the car if they have too and drive me places. I think because they are my parents, I obviously have a different respect for them then I do my boyfriend. And with my boyfriend, I feel like we are both young and maybe he should find someone new that he could do things with because I just hold him back. That obviously would make me upset but I feel bad that he has to keep putting up with this.
I don't know what's going to happen but part of me just wants to tell him to go so he can live a normal life. If he moves back in with his parents, he still wants to be together but I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice or a similar situation???
Big problem!!! Need advice
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Guest
On calling off the relationship. DON'T. Your boyfriend loves you, he has been with you through this. I have had the same thought with my fiance, and in the past when I had this problem as well.
Having this thought is normal. If you love your bf, don't do it.
Everyone is allowed there moments of "I've had enough already!" This isn't the first time he is going to have it with you, nor is this the only topic he is going to have it over. As the same goes for you with him. If you guys are thinking about spending your lives together, then you have to remember (for your own sanity) that it is okay to be fed up, and over it!
Yes, your situation is causing him stress, and he has to deal with that. You all will deal with many things throughout your lives. It will be okay. Try to keep it in perspective when you are thinking this so you don't let the anxiety make decisions for you.
As far as work, he's right girl. However, if you are not ready to make that step, you just aren't ready.
Can you find a part time job that you would be comfortable at along with looking at moving to a more affordable place? If you absolutely can't go back to work right now (your current job)...and that is going to cause you both to move back to your parents'....are there any OTHER options?
Instead of worrying about sending him out the door...use that energy to try and come up with some other solutions.
You are just feeling down on yourself. Just because you have this problem, doesn't mean you don't deserve the best in your life nor does it mean he deserves better!!
If you were going through some serious illness would you still feel like you should send him packing? Don't be so hard on yourself.
On the same note, do EVERYTHING you can, and work as hard as you can towards recovery...as long as you are doing this, YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL. You are good enough...you didn't ask for this to be happening in your life any more than someone asks to be diagnosed with cancer. If you are doing everything you can do, then that's all you can do.
Now get busy and brainstorm some other options that will relieve some of this stress on the both of you!
Having this thought is normal. If you love your bf, don't do it.
Everyone is allowed there moments of "I've had enough already!" This isn't the first time he is going to have it with you, nor is this the only topic he is going to have it over. As the same goes for you with him. If you guys are thinking about spending your lives together, then you have to remember (for your own sanity) that it is okay to be fed up, and over it!
Yes, your situation is causing him stress, and he has to deal with that. You all will deal with many things throughout your lives. It will be okay. Try to keep it in perspective when you are thinking this so you don't let the anxiety make decisions for you.
As far as work, he's right girl. However, if you are not ready to make that step, you just aren't ready.
Can you find a part time job that you would be comfortable at along with looking at moving to a more affordable place? If you absolutely can't go back to work right now (your current job)...and that is going to cause you both to move back to your parents'....are there any OTHER options?
Instead of worrying about sending him out the door...use that energy to try and come up with some other solutions.
You are just feeling down on yourself. Just because you have this problem, doesn't mean you don't deserve the best in your life nor does it mean he deserves better!!
If you were going through some serious illness would you still feel like you should send him packing? Don't be so hard on yourself.
On the same note, do EVERYTHING you can, and work as hard as you can towards recovery...as long as you are doing this, YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL. You are good enough...you didn't ask for this to be happening in your life any more than someone asks to be diagnosed with cancer. If you are doing everything you can do, then that's all you can do.
Now get busy and brainstorm some other options that will relieve some of this stress on the both of you!
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Guest
I am not sure if you will like my advice but I'm going to give it anyways....
From someone who has been there and done that and has OVERCOME it....
I just want to encourage you to do EVERYTHING in your power to challenge yourself to get over this. It's so much easier to just stay home than face something you don't like facing.
I feel like your thoughts of letting your boyfriend go, is kind of like your way of letting the pressure off yourself. By letting him go, you are giving in to your fears.
You must remember that by letting him go, without giving things proper consideration, you could be giving up the very best thing in your entire life. I wouldn't recommend making ANY decisions until you are in a healthy state of mind.
Anxiety can really take over your life IF you let it. Everyone experiences anxiety. If you allow it to consume your life, agoraphobia (which is avoidance behavior) takes over and each time you avoid things, you make it worse and your world WILL get smaller and smaller.
Trust me when I tell you that you dont want to be avoiding anything because by "avoiding" you are making yourself sicker!!
You have 2 choices here.... you can allow yourself to get sicker or you can fight for your life! If you ask me, there is no other option here but to FIGHT for yourself and your mental health.
There is no "right" time like NOW to begin challenging yourself to get better.
You already have a good support system! Why not sit down and say...
"hey... I want to get better. I need your help and encouragment but at the same time I don't want to be pushed but instead "lightly persuaded".
Not going to work is serious. It means your livelyhood and your future. I can understand why your boyfriend would be angry and most likely fearful of your behavior choices.
Everyday, you need to do something to challenge yourself. Doing things you don't want to do, is part of that challenge. We all have to do things we don't want to do. The world is filled with people who feel this way.
It helps to remind yourself that people go to work all the time and many times, their home life is not good, whether it be a serious illness, a loved one dying, someone is alone with no family, perhaps they are abused by their spouse.... and yet they go to work because they have to survive.
We ae so wrong when we think that others have it so much nicer. We all have things we go through in this life. It helped me greatly to imagine others and what things they may struggle with. We all struggle with something and we are not alone.
I will never forget a man I saw at the local grocery store. He was standing there, in line at the deli waiting for his meats. His face looked like his nose has been shot off and yet he stood there with confidence, was smiling. Although I could not understand his confidence at the time, I admired his ability to move on in life in spite of his obvious injury.
It was things like this that gave me strength... the old ladies shopping by themselves, asking for help because they couldn't reach something or read a label....
I often put myself in their shoes and it made me realize that everyday people face the unknown and have their own problems.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
From someone who has been there and done that and has OVERCOME it....
I just want to encourage you to do EVERYTHING in your power to challenge yourself to get over this. It's so much easier to just stay home than face something you don't like facing.
I feel like your thoughts of letting your boyfriend go, is kind of like your way of letting the pressure off yourself. By letting him go, you are giving in to your fears.
You must remember that by letting him go, without giving things proper consideration, you could be giving up the very best thing in your entire life. I wouldn't recommend making ANY decisions until you are in a healthy state of mind.
Anxiety can really take over your life IF you let it. Everyone experiences anxiety. If you allow it to consume your life, agoraphobia (which is avoidance behavior) takes over and each time you avoid things, you make it worse and your world WILL get smaller and smaller.
Trust me when I tell you that you dont want to be avoiding anything because by "avoiding" you are making yourself sicker!!
You have 2 choices here.... you can allow yourself to get sicker or you can fight for your life! If you ask me, there is no other option here but to FIGHT for yourself and your mental health.
There is no "right" time like NOW to begin challenging yourself to get better.
You already have a good support system! Why not sit down and say...
"hey... I want to get better. I need your help and encouragment but at the same time I don't want to be pushed but instead "lightly persuaded".
Not going to work is serious. It means your livelyhood and your future. I can understand why your boyfriend would be angry and most likely fearful of your behavior choices.
Everyday, you need to do something to challenge yourself. Doing things you don't want to do, is part of that challenge. We all have to do things we don't want to do. The world is filled with people who feel this way.
It helps to remind yourself that people go to work all the time and many times, their home life is not good, whether it be a serious illness, a loved one dying, someone is alone with no family, perhaps they are abused by their spouse.... and yet they go to work because they have to survive.
We ae so wrong when we think that others have it so much nicer. We all have things we go through in this life. It helped me greatly to imagine others and what things they may struggle with. We all struggle with something and we are not alone.
I will never forget a man I saw at the local grocery store. He was standing there, in line at the deli waiting for his meats. His face looked like his nose has been shot off and yet he stood there with confidence, was smiling. Although I could not understand his confidence at the time, I admired his ability to move on in life in spite of his obvious injury.
It was things like this that gave me strength... the old ladies shopping by themselves, asking for help because they couldn't reach something or read a label....
I often put myself in their shoes and it made me realize that everyday people face the unknown and have their own problems.
YOU CAN DO IT!!