Don't want to teach child anger
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SongWriter
- Posts: 70
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:04 pm
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Dixie1980x
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2006 10:45 am
Songwriter, I wish I had a answer to your post but sometimes just knowing someone else is dealing w/ the same thing helps. I have alot of trouble with anger and seem to be stuck on lesson 6 because of it. I to worry that my 6 yr old is going to remember me as an angry Mom. I really worry because it seems to often he is the reason for my anger. I know the under lying problem is dealing with my depression and anxiety but is whinning sets me off very easily. I know if I can get a better grip on the stress in my life and cope with anx & depression better I might not loose my temper with him so easy.My child is my life but I often find I have very little patience left for him after working in a high stress doctors office all day. I can so relate to the situation on the lesson that Lucinda talks about how we act like the nice sweet person all day but look out when we get home. I find it ironic how I waste energy being nice to people I can't stand to the point I have no energy left to treat the people I LOVE the way they should be treated *(including myself.) I will candy coat anything and be so nice to these nasty people all day but then when it comes to self-talk I have not got a kind word left. Well I hope this helped. I hate to say it but in a weird way it helped me just posting to you. If you dont mind can I ask what kind of songs do you write? I love all kinds of music.I believe music can be some of the best therapy. Take care and know that you are not alone. Trying to be the best role model for my child has proven to be one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs I have ever committed to.
Sincerly,
Faith
Faith-n-me, Faith-n-u, Keeps us doing what we do!
Sincerly,
Faith
Faith-n-me, Faith-n-u, Keeps us doing what we do!
Jen
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Guest
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Guest
Tonight I blew up and made a scene at a party in front of our friends. My son was playing with his friend. Several times he picked up a bat. This is a small light weight bat. But it still can hurt someone if you really wanted to. So I told him to be careful with it several times. Later on I see him running after his friend with it while holding it up. I went biserk! I spanked him and screamed we were going home! He started crying. My wife intervened. I MADE A BIG SCENE!
I believe anger(over-reactive anger) is an under-lying SYMPTOM of something else going on w/in us. Often @ times, not always though, it relates to painful surpressed emotions(anger + pain + fear + resentment )+ emotional ailments(anxiety disorder & depression). Often @ times, we're JUST NOT AWARE of the "whys" - we just know we're angry little too often. After doing this for an extended period of time, as negative as it is, it does become a familiar way of life for us - AN ASSUMED 1 - a PERFECTED 1 - an assumed part of who & what we are. <span class="ev_code_RED">GET TO THE "ROOT" OF THIS ANGER, THEN YOU THE ANGRY PERSON will not be as angry.</span>
I was so beyond CLUE-LESS when my anxiety disorder triggered in APR 2005, I was ignorant to ALL THAT THAT WAS TRULY BEHIND MY ANXIETY DISORDER. It was multy-layered, yes like an ONION getting PEELED. I was also oblivious to the effects on me - my having endured all that was behind my anxiety disorder & the anxiety disorder itself.
When I initiated therapy w/ my psychiatrist, @ the immediate onset of my anxiety disorder, we needed to PEEL THAT "ONION" - to get @ the root of my anxiety disorder. I had endured some pretty tough + traumatic + painful things for majority of my childhood years. However, as a means of SURVIVAL = live & survive, NOT THINK & FEEL - I never addressed these things. I just surpressed the emotions. I just did't realize I was doing it. I did that for yrs & yrs & yrs - to the point that it became HABIT for me, a way of life. When, anxiety disorder triggered, my cup spilleth over.
1 of the things we addressed in therapy was my ANGER. I told him, my therapist, "I feel as though I need to defend myself against the world. I feel as though I have the quickest fuse - I will be on you like white on rice if you do me wrong + disrespect me. I just feel angry all the time." The "reason of the day" for my anger varied. The point was I had an over-reactive way to most things + events + people.
I personally needed to address the why's behind my anger - b/4 I could learn to UNLEARN my unhealthy anger, lol. What I realized was I had endured some things that would put anyone in a CONSISTANT PISSED OFF MOOD(PARDON MY LANGUAGE). Add to that my surpressed emotions fr those events, all negative emotions - well, heck, I WAS LIKE 50 WOMEN W/ PMS - for yrsssss, constantly - NO PATIENCE @ ALL. You see, I was in PAIN & as a result, I didn't FEEL GOOD. When we don't FEEL good, we get cranky & yes, often ACT OUT. I was no different. <span class="ev_code_RED">Things for me started when I was 5 yr's old - up & until I was on my own in highschool & several yrs beyond - forward to when anxiety triggered @ age 37 yr's old. Think about that for a min. That is 32+ yrs of traumatic events + emotional pain - I never addressed/admitted/acknowledged/felt.</span> NO WONDER I WAS ANGRY. It doesn't justify it. It just explains why. When I faced the why & understood them, I could then set out to prevent similiar behaviors - & create healthier behaviors & under-reactive ways.
I saw a tv show on tv - the DR KEITH ADLOW show. He is a psychiatrist. The topic was the ANGER DISEASE. The anger disease is really DEPRESSION. That was 1 of the most informative shows & was key to me & my recovery. It gave me a much needed viewpoint, fr the OUTSIDE - IN. They had various people on that show, different backgrounds/stories/over-reactive ways & situations. There was 1 very important common thread = THEY DIDN'T FEEL GOOD + THEY WERE IN EMOTIONAL PAIN + THEY HAD PERSONAL ISSUES & SITUATIONS THEY NEVER ADDRESSED. So, they were ANGRY & acted out. The more they addressed the events & all respective emotions + the more they then faced themselves, changing those negative aspects of their personalities, THE BETTER THEY BEGAN TO FEEL.
This is a simple analogy, but think about this: when you have the FLU - are you a happy go lucky person? When you have that BAD HEADACHE that just won't go away, do you feel like a happy go lucky person? When you have that upset stomache, .... etc etc - you get the point. Now, emotional pains are a little trickier - there is no magic pill & no quick fix - other than to address the why's behind it + FEEL THEM & then yourself.
There is almost always a WHY behind ANGER. Facing the why's b/4 changing the negatives habits we've created is helpful in stopping them fr regurgitating themselves = repeating them over & over & over. Anger often @ times means we're in some emotional pain of some sort. So, be kind & gentle w/ yourself - you are on your way to a healthier way of life. You recognized it - which is KEY - like WAY COOL. When we are AWARE - we know better. When we KNOW BETTER - we do better(MAJA ANGELOU).
Your Friend,
LENORE
I was so beyond CLUE-LESS when my anxiety disorder triggered in APR 2005, I was ignorant to ALL THAT THAT WAS TRULY BEHIND MY ANXIETY DISORDER. It was multy-layered, yes like an ONION getting PEELED. I was also oblivious to the effects on me - my having endured all that was behind my anxiety disorder & the anxiety disorder itself.
When I initiated therapy w/ my psychiatrist, @ the immediate onset of my anxiety disorder, we needed to PEEL THAT "ONION" - to get @ the root of my anxiety disorder. I had endured some pretty tough + traumatic + painful things for majority of my childhood years. However, as a means of SURVIVAL = live & survive, NOT THINK & FEEL - I never addressed these things. I just surpressed the emotions. I just did't realize I was doing it. I did that for yrs & yrs & yrs - to the point that it became HABIT for me, a way of life. When, anxiety disorder triggered, my cup spilleth over.
1 of the things we addressed in therapy was my ANGER. I told him, my therapist, "I feel as though I need to defend myself against the world. I feel as though I have the quickest fuse - I will be on you like white on rice if you do me wrong + disrespect me. I just feel angry all the time." The "reason of the day" for my anger varied. The point was I had an over-reactive way to most things + events + people.
I personally needed to address the why's behind my anger - b/4 I could learn to UNLEARN my unhealthy anger, lol. What I realized was I had endured some things that would put anyone in a CONSISTANT PISSED OFF MOOD(PARDON MY LANGUAGE). Add to that my surpressed emotions fr those events, all negative emotions - well, heck, I WAS LIKE 50 WOMEN W/ PMS - for yrsssss, constantly - NO PATIENCE @ ALL. You see, I was in PAIN & as a result, I didn't FEEL GOOD. When we don't FEEL good, we get cranky & yes, often ACT OUT. I was no different. <span class="ev_code_RED">Things for me started when I was 5 yr's old - up & until I was on my own in highschool & several yrs beyond - forward to when anxiety triggered @ age 37 yr's old. Think about that for a min. That is 32+ yrs of traumatic events + emotional pain - I never addressed/admitted/acknowledged/felt.</span> NO WONDER I WAS ANGRY. It doesn't justify it. It just explains why. When I faced the why & understood them, I could then set out to prevent similiar behaviors - & create healthier behaviors & under-reactive ways.
I saw a tv show on tv - the DR KEITH ADLOW show. He is a psychiatrist. The topic was the ANGER DISEASE. The anger disease is really DEPRESSION. That was 1 of the most informative shows & was key to me & my recovery. It gave me a much needed viewpoint, fr the OUTSIDE - IN. They had various people on that show, different backgrounds/stories/over-reactive ways & situations. There was 1 very important common thread = THEY DIDN'T FEEL GOOD + THEY WERE IN EMOTIONAL PAIN + THEY HAD PERSONAL ISSUES & SITUATIONS THEY NEVER ADDRESSED. So, they were ANGRY & acted out. The more they addressed the events & all respective emotions + the more they then faced themselves, changing those negative aspects of their personalities, THE BETTER THEY BEGAN TO FEEL.
This is a simple analogy, but think about this: when you have the FLU - are you a happy go lucky person? When you have that BAD HEADACHE that just won't go away, do you feel like a happy go lucky person? When you have that upset stomache, .... etc etc - you get the point. Now, emotional pains are a little trickier - there is no magic pill & no quick fix - other than to address the why's behind it + FEEL THEM & then yourself.
There is almost always a WHY behind ANGER. Facing the why's b/4 changing the negatives habits we've created is helpful in stopping them fr regurgitating themselves = repeating them over & over & over. Anger often @ times means we're in some emotional pain of some sort. So, be kind & gentle w/ yourself - you are on your way to a healthier way of life. You recognized it - which is KEY - like WAY COOL. When we are AWARE - we know better. When we KNOW BETTER - we do better(MAJA ANGELOU).
Your Friend,
LENORE
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Guest
Lenore! Wow! Thank you so much for your insightful post! You really did hit the nails on the heads! I will return to this post and reply later. I am very grateful for your understanding and feedback!Originally posted by Lenore:
I believe anger(over-reactive anger) is an under-lying SYMPTOM of something else going on w/in us. Often @ times, not always though, it relates to painful surpressed emotions(anger + pain + fear + resentment )+ emotional ailments(anxiety disorder & depression). Often @ times, we're JUST NOT AWARE of the "whys" - we just know we're angry little too often. After doing this for an extended period of time, as negative as it is, it does become a familiar way of life for us - AN ASSUMED 1 - a PERFECTED 1 - an assumed part of who & what we are. <span class="ev_code_RED">GET TO THE "ROOT" OF THIS ANGER, THEN YOU THE ANGRY PERSON will not be as angry.</span>
I was so beyond CLUE-LESS when my anxiety disorder triggered in APR 2005, I was ignorant to ALL THAT THAT WAS TRULY BEHIND MY ANXIETY DISORDER. It was multy-layered, yes like an ONION getting PEELED. I was also oblivious to the effects on me - my having endured all that was behind my anxiety disorder & the anxiety disorder itself.
When I initiated therapy w/ my psychiatrist, @ the immediate onset of my anxiety disorder, we needed to PEEL THAT "ONION" - to get @ the root of my anxiety disorder. I had endured some pretty tough + traumatic + painful things for majority of my childhood years. However, as a means of SURVIVAL = live & survive, NOT THINK & FEEL - I never addressed these things. I just surpressed the emotions. I just did't realize I was doing it. I did that for yrs & yrs & yrs - to the point that it became HABIT for me, a way of life. When, anxiety disorder triggered, my cup spilleth over.
1 of the things we addressed in therapy was my ANGER. I told him, my therapist, "I feel as though I need to defend myself against the world. I feel as though I have the quickest fuse - I will be on you like white on rice if you do me wrong + disrespect me. I just feel angry all the time." The "reason of the day" for my anger varied. The point was I had an over-reactive way to most things + events + people.
I personally needed to address the why's behind my anger - b/4 I could learn to UNLEARN my unhealthy anger, lol. What I realized was I had endured some things that would put anyone in a CONSISTANT PISSED OFF MOOD(PARDON MY LANGUAGE). Add to that my surpressed emotions fr those events, all negative emotions - well, heck, I WAS LIKE 50 WOMEN W/ PMS - for yrsssss, constantly - NO PATIENCE @ ALL. You see, I was in PAIN & as a result, I didn't FEEL GOOD. When we don't FEEL good, we get cranky & yes, often ACT OUT. I was no different. <span class="ev_code_RED">Things for me started when I was 5 yr's old - up & until I was on my own in highschool & several yrs beyond - forward to when anxiety triggered @ age 37 yr's old. Think about that for a min. That is 32+ yrs of traumatic events + emotional pain - I never addressed/admitted/acknowledged/felt.</span> NO WONDER I WAS ANGRY. It doesn't justify it. It just explains why. When I faced the why & understood them, I could then set out to prevent similiar behaviors - & create healthier behaviors & under-reactive ways.
I saw a tv show on tv - the DR KEITH ADLOW show. He is a psychiatrist. The topic was the ANGER DISEASE. The anger disease is really DEPRESSION. That was 1 of the most informative shows & was key to me & my recovery. It gave me a much needed viewpoint, fr the OUTSIDE - IN. They had various people on that show, different backgrounds/stories/over-reactive ways & situations. There was 1 very important common thread = THEY DIDN'T FEEL GOOD + THEY WERE IN EMOTIONAL PAIN + THEY HAD PERSONAL ISSUES & SITUATIONS THEY NEVER ADDRESSED. So, they were ANGRY & acted out. The more they addressed the events & all respective emotions + the more they then faced themselves, changing those negative aspects of their personalities, THE BETTER THEY BEGAN TO FEEL.
This is a simple analogy, but think about this: when you have the FLU - are you a happy go lucky person? When you have that BAD HEADACHE that just won't go away, do you feel like a happy go lucky person? When you have that upset stomache, .... etc etc - you get the point. Now, emotional pains are a little trickier - there is no magic pill & no quick fix - other than to address the why's behind it + FEEL THEM & then yourself.
There is almost always a WHY behind ANGER. Facing the why's b/4 changing the negatives habits we've created is helpful in stopping them fr regurgitating themselves = repeating them over & over & over. Anger often @ times means we're in some emotional pain of some sort. So, be kind & gentle w/ yourself - you are on your way to a healthier way of life. You recognized it - which is KEY - like WAY COOL. When we are AWARE - we know better. When we KNOW BETTER - we do better(MAJA ANGELOU).
Your Friend,
LENORE
Lenore,
I to thought your post was amazing. I really liked the comparison to the onion. I couldn't help but think how we often end up crying while dealing with the onion but the end result is something that taste really good.I to realize I have a lot of underlying pain but would rather ignore it dumbly thinking it will just go away.I also appreciated the mountain/hole statement. I feel I have crawled so deep into the hole that it's going to take awhile just to get to the opening of the cave I have dwelled in for so long. If you or anybody has any suggestions for finding the energy and strength to take on this task I'd more than appreciate it. I am currently trying to read 2 books that seem to be helping "Positive Energy" and "If Life Is A game These Are The Rules".A good friend once told me though that you have to learn to live it not just read it. He had a very good point cause I tend to read something. I get very enthused about it.The first real negative thing that happens to me I get kicked off the mountain I have been climbing and end up at the bottom again with no strength to start the difficult climb again.I feel so weak in saying this but I guess this is part of dealing with the layers. I should state that I feel a big part of my problem is I go into a job that I absolutly hate everyday. It's a very bad atmosphere that tears apart your very soul. I am trying desperatly to get out of this situation but feel at this point I do not know how much more I can endure. I am embarrassed to say I have even had thoughts of just not dealing with life at all anymore. This scares me very much because hard to believe but I am a very much appreciate life kind of girl but when I hit those lows I just don't feel I can muster the strength it takes to pull myself back up AGAIN.I know the simple answers it to just quit the job but it is a high paying job and anything in the field I love seems to not pay anything.I know in my mind and heart I am paying a high price to keep it.I am sorry I have rambled on for so long but I so desperatly am looking for an answer.I again want to say I appreciate any construcive critism or solutions. Please be nice though, the place I work I endure about 11 hours of painful critism 4 days a week( I feel I should state that all of the people I work with feel this way-one woman even stated that in her 30 some years of working she has never worked at such an unhappy place as this.) Here's to finding a way out of the cave and still having strength to climb the mountain again and again. I think once again in just writting this has given me a little strength and hope to hear back from someone.
Trying hard to keep the Faith
I to thought your post was amazing. I really liked the comparison to the onion. I couldn't help but think how we often end up crying while dealing with the onion but the end result is something that taste really good.I to realize I have a lot of underlying pain but would rather ignore it dumbly thinking it will just go away.I also appreciated the mountain/hole statement. I feel I have crawled so deep into the hole that it's going to take awhile just to get to the opening of the cave I have dwelled in for so long. If you or anybody has any suggestions for finding the energy and strength to take on this task I'd more than appreciate it. I am currently trying to read 2 books that seem to be helping "Positive Energy" and "If Life Is A game These Are The Rules".A good friend once told me though that you have to learn to live it not just read it. He had a very good point cause I tend to read something. I get very enthused about it.The first real negative thing that happens to me I get kicked off the mountain I have been climbing and end up at the bottom again with no strength to start the difficult climb again.I feel so weak in saying this but I guess this is part of dealing with the layers. I should state that I feel a big part of my problem is I go into a job that I absolutly hate everyday. It's a very bad atmosphere that tears apart your very soul. I am trying desperatly to get out of this situation but feel at this point I do not know how much more I can endure. I am embarrassed to say I have even had thoughts of just not dealing with life at all anymore. This scares me very much because hard to believe but I am a very much appreciate life kind of girl but when I hit those lows I just don't feel I can muster the strength it takes to pull myself back up AGAIN.I know the simple answers it to just quit the job but it is a high paying job and anything in the field I love seems to not pay anything.I know in my mind and heart I am paying a high price to keep it.I am sorry I have rambled on for so long but I so desperatly am looking for an answer.I again want to say I appreciate any construcive critism or solutions. Please be nice though, the place I work I endure about 11 hours of painful critism 4 days a week( I feel I should state that all of the people I work with feel this way-one woman even stated that in her 30 some years of working she has never worked at such an unhappy place as this.) Here's to finding a way out of the cave and still having strength to climb the mountain again and again. I think once again in just writting this has given me a little strength and hope to hear back from someone.
Trying hard to keep the Faith
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
~~ Ronald Reagan
~~ Ronald Reagan