Been crying for about....10 hours now

DMP720 · Post by **DMP720** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:44 am

So like name of the post says "ive been crying for 10 hours now" its true. Its been nonstop since yesterday. Im SOOO sick and TIRED OF THIS. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. I TRY AND TRY AND TRY AND TRY AND TRY.

It all started yesterday when I went shopping with a friend. I went to kohls...mind you I usually wear a size 8..well the 8's 10's and 12's didnt fit!! I have been working out Hardcore for the past 2 months!!! Eating SUPER SUPER SUPER healthy....So I lost it right then and there..like a 2yrold who couldnt ride the pony and miejer...I lost it. Balled my eyes out..threw the clothes down...(doesnt help im pmsing) ran out of the store...my friend who was NO help at all..told me..well you did gain wieght...WHAT!! oooo I was angry. I just needed to find some stupid black pants for my NEW JOB I start today..which brings me to the next thing..

I start a new job today...I have been working at my familes ice cream shop for the past 5 months, now I start this new job as a receptionist today. I dont want to go. I do not want to start..I like my "safe" box at the icecream shop. This is totally stepping out for me. Im making myself a nervous reck about it. I keep putting the thought into my head im going to freak out when im there.. and have to leave or call an abulance...stupid stuff..but my mind keeps on ticking!!

I dont know what to do.. I put myself into such a terrible hole last night and this morning..ive picked myself apart..called myself horrible names...said absolutely just mean rotten stuff to myself....beat myself up...
I really could use some encouraging words...

fear not · Post by **fear not** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:48 am

Hello!Please don't be so hard on yourself.Whenever we get like this we are once again letting the anxiety and depression take us over.Okay so it started in the store with the pants.I can relate on how you felt when they were not fitting because I had gained a lot of weight 2 years ago.I also started eating healthy and let me tell you it took about a year to start really losing the 20 or so lbs.that I had gained.Keep eating healthy and you'll see all of a sudden you'll start noticing that you're getting smaller.The weight likes to stay the same for awhile and then it will slowly tapper.This is the healthy way to lose weight.Losing weight fast is not only unhealthy but you'll have less success at keeping it off.You're doing a good job just give it a little more time.I also know what you mean about the thoughts you're having.I did the same exact thing to myself last Friday.I had to step way out of my comfort zone to go see Joyce Meyer preach downtown.I was literally a mess all day!I ended up going and of course I felt some anxiety but nothing like I had made out in my mind did I feel.In other words I actually really enjoyed it!You'll be fine at your new job.Just remind yourself that it's normal for you to be nervous because you're making a change.We don't like change but change is really good and needed for recovery.I hope you feel better.It makes me sad to know that you've been crying for 10 hours!You are strong,don't let the anxiety and depression have the victory.You get the victory!Take care!

DMP720 · Post by **DMP720** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 3:15 am

Hi Fear not
THANK YOU SO MUCH. Just by reading that I feel at leasssttt 80% better haha. Yeah I totally beat myself up...At least I realized it though when I was doing it. Denile is worse. haha.Yeah I am putting all kind of senarios in my mind right now. thank you soo much for you effort I have to get to work otherwise this would be longer!! THANKS AGAIN

fischee · Post by **fischee** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 4:05 am

Hi!
I sent you a pm- hope you're feeling better

.
Emily

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:41 am

Hi. I know how horrible it is with trying to fit in clothes at that time of the month. The bloating will go down in a couple of days. Just know that it will pass. I think it all just hit you at once, and you had to let it out. Go into your new job knowing if for some reason it doesn't work out, you can go back to your family business. You have a built in safety net! You will feel so much better as today and tomorrow pass- just hang in there and keep your chin up!

Mitzi · Post by **Mitzi** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 6:23 am

DMP720, I know it's later in the day already... So I hope you're at your new job and that it's so much better than you dreamed and nothing like you feared!

Whenever you start to beat yourself up like that, just stop... take a deep breath - in through your nose.... and then slowly exhale out through your pursed mouth like you're blowing a kiss and say to yourself while you exhale, "Reeeellllaaaaxxxx...."

Continue the deep breathing and begin to think to yourself you're breathing in positive attitude along with the healthy oxygen and exhaling negativity and toxins (which you are).

Once you've calmed down, remember what you love about yourself, maybe it's your hair... eye color... skin... your intelligence, your kindness and thoughfullness... the good qualities that you do have pride in yourself for.

And also remember, your weight can change... it came up didn't it? So it can come down! fear not was right, healthy eating and slow weight loss is what stays off, not fad diets. So good job and continue with that. I too am overweight, it's not an easy path and I have often yo-yo'd my weight with diets.

Remember to be good to yourself, first and formost! You are the best at being who you are, so don't sell yourself short!

I sincerly hope you're no longer crying and that your new job is just the first step towards a wonderful new chapter in your life!

May you and yours always be surrounded with Love, Light & Laughter,
Mitzi

jchick · Post by **jchick** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:49 am

HI...

So sorry to hear that you have had such a hard time....I am not naive enough to think that just a few words here and there will magically make things right, but I AM totally confident in the power of the human heart and the healing capacities of the human spirit...and that includes yours! It is so hard to have to accept the consequences of what we do to ourselves in the midst of depression, anxiety, etc. Believe me, I AM there. The weight thing is something I have battled....won some, lost some....but I finally have had to admit that I was comfort eating and that I need to just keep making a consistent effort to change....and it DOES work....but you must be patient with yourself more than anyone else. NOONE else's opinion matters...and being critical of yourself just slaps you down.....so, realize that make changes is hard to do, but realize in the same breath that you are worth the stresses that might come. You can do this.....just know there many others who are here willing to share and to encourage.....

JChick

DMP720 · Post by **DMP720** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:14 am

Hi everyone
So I worked at my icecream place this morning and now in a few hours im off to my new job..I think

Bev~being a woman sucks..haha...yes I think I totally vented it all out. Yes I sure have built my safety net..and thats what scares me! Iwant ot move out of it...really bad.

Mitzi...I wish I already went to my new job and got it over with! I did the breathing all day long..just kept telling myself to stooppp stttttoopp stoopp and dont beat myself up anymore.I know weight can change...its just so hard to accept that with all my hard work..that I gained weight. Its just annoying more than anything!

Jchick~ Its sad what we do to ourselves isnt it?? I cannot believe how mean I was! ANd your right no one elses opinion but mine matters. I cannot think about what are people are thinking..I already think to much about what I am thinking!! haha

So I dont go in for 2 more hours...im nervous..veryy nervous.. I just dont want to have have a panic attack there and embarass myself...blah... I know that I wont..or if I do freak out I will be okay.. I just keep putting these thoughts in my head ugh!
Im trying to be confident!!
Thank you all
God bless
Dena

irish89 · Post by **irish89** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:31 am

Hi, I understand some of your feelings. I recently started a new job after 5 years at my old one. The last two weeks at my old one were full of uncertainty and nervousness as I was leaving it. The weekend before the new job was filled with nervousness and anticipation. The first week at the new job was filled with uncertainty and a certain amount of uncomfortableness from the newness. Notice I didn't say "anxious"? Yet I was anxious from time to time until I stepped back and noted that given the situation it was normal to feel all of those things....change does that to people, even "normal" people. Even a little anxiety in this situation is "normal" for "normal" people. So all your feelings on this are legit! Don't worry about the anxiety, just understand that it is "normal" given the situation....but that the feelings are harmful, taking a new job isn't dangerous, and you'll be fine. If the job doesn't work out for some reason, you just get a new one so don't stake the world on one little job change. Accept how you are feeling about it because it is "normal"....the pressure you are putting on yourself seems to stem from thinking it isn't okay to feel the way you are. It is okay. Just feel it, understand it, and then have fun at work!

jchick · Post by **jchick** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:48 am

Dena....

You hang in there today....stay focused on who you are and what you have as goals for yourself.....it might be a nerve-wracking day....but you can get through it....please keep us all posted about how the day goes, OK? Your success will be an encouragement to me...to us all....

Take Care,
JChick