In past, I was just breathing. With masters degree in computer science, I was unemployed for last ten months, hopeless, everything seemed blue, dark and dull. I used to cry alone within four walls.
I was dying silently, and nobody knew that. If I had Cancer or some other serious disease, that would feel better - at least people would notice me dying. But I was living with Depression and I was dying day by day silently.
What did not I do ? I tried almost all self-help materials available. I virtually stopped believing that anything as such works. I tried yoga, it helped but could not get better.
I knew, I would fear to receive phone calls. Even if I received, I could not maintain conversation. My friends were getting narrowed. I love beling left alone. And when my girl friend once told me she was expecting me to visit her (after her many request) and I did not went to meet her in summer, I felt so bad. I cried alone. It was like alarm bell.
I was conscious what was going on with me. But not clear what it was exactly.
One day, just seaching slef-help online material, I came across Stress Center website. After reviewing the contents, I wanted to try it. I got the materials. I did not wanted to sit at my room. So I put those adudio sessions on my mp3 players..and i used to go to park and listen it.
Once I was in session 4, something sparked inside me. Suddenly, I was smiling. Each single stories/views of participants in discussion I heard, I got more and more light. Now everything was getting crystall clear. Soon, I had started vewing me myself (in depression) as a separate person. It was a magic feeling suddenly.
As I progressed, I was feeling more changed. I was just smiling on hearing people in tape sharing their stories. I was a part of that team. Now I completed the course once. I AM DIFFERENT. Yeah, now I go out, talk with people at park, and yeah, better I analysed how do people are behaving. Now I am comfortable talking with friends/family hours and first time after six months, I am reading one techical book.
Sometimes still I feel depressed, but now I know what is it ? So instead of letting it control me, I control it.
WHY IT WORKED FOR ME ? : After getting through all these changes, I compared this program with some other programs I tried in past. Other progrms just give you tips to get 'calm' and 'controlled'. But this program makes the disection of what is 'depression', 'anxiety' and panice disorder. At that time, you know, what is your problem. And as the course explains how to attack them, you feel those technique more personalised to you. And when you hear stories in group discussions, it enhances and confirms your diagnosis and attacking procedure. And since most instructions are conversational, we never feel boring or tired of hearing them. I can (and will) listen these material again and again .. might be for the rest of my life. These turned out to be my life savers.
Though I bought those materials, but I considered them to be the blessings in my life. This is the best spent money in my life. I am so thankful to Stress Center and Lucinda and her team. I am always happy to help these people if I can. I am ready to help people in depression as I know how is it living with depression. It pains so bad.
Thank you once again. You gave me second life.
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OH YEAH, SOrry for my BAD ENGLISH
