Purpose in this community

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 12:47 pm

Visiting my peer group (which I am very fond of) and visiting this community are homework assignments in this program. I usually can sign on several times a day for short periods. By now I am half way into Session 8. One of the things I always notice when I sign on is that there will be a post somewhere that has few reads and no replies. I always read those posts. What alarms me is that often the post is a genuinely serious question. It may be unclear and the point may seem cloudy, but the post is a big reach for that person. When they don't receive a reply, that is a form of rejection of the person's reach for help. We are a group of very sensitive and caring people. That's how we end up with all these similar problems. I am thinking people don't scroll through their peer group and the community as thoroughly as they could be doing. Otherwise I just know these reaches would get more responses. Right?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:32 pm

I have noticed that as well. A few times in the past, I have posted something that didn't receive any responses. It really sucks.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:47 pm

You are right Pecos and we are a group of sensitve and caring people. I sometimes see posts unanswered too and want to reply but dont always know what to say. Sometimes I worry that I might not say the right thing.(hence the insecurities). Im going to think twice and maybe just give a word of encouragment. I finished the program last summer but still get so much from these forums.(I still need them) Thanks for your observation.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:52 pm

Pecos
You make a very good point. Know doubt many people have noticed the same thing before, I know I have. A form of rejection is what it feels like. For myself I have to talk my way into writing a post. I get nervous, and often the post get little to no reply. Simular situations have happened in the chat room, I don't go in much anymore because it.
Anyway, thank you for raising the question, and encouraging others to take notice.Sometimes we just need to hear things from a different perspective.

Ivy

"Every person you cross paths with has the ability to teach you something"

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:02 pm

Hi Ivy, I too have gone into the chat rooms and have tried but I dont really get it or know what to say. A few people say Hi and then I just sit here saying to myself "now what". Not knocking anything though because these forums and the program have done so much for me.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:33 pm

Nicholene,
I had to laugh when I read your discription of your chatroom experience, it sounded just like mine. They say hi, and then, I sit there like,"ok now what" LOL! The Program and forums have been a huge support for me as well. I am so thankful for it! Just wanted to say hi, I got a kick out of your post!

Ivy

"Most everyone feels insecure, some just hide it better"

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:25 pm

When they don't receive a reply, that is a form of rejection of the person's reach for help.

Pecos,

First of all let me say that if I see a post of yours, I usually read it. You have a lot of wise counsel in your posts and that's why I read yours.

I suppose there will be different opinions on whether not posting to a thread is "rejection". I agree it does not initially "feel" good when no one posts to your thread. That has happened to me a number of times. AT the same time, it is up to me, no on else, as to how I interpret this. I have the power to choose my thoughts.

CBT teaches that it is not the event, [thread with no posts] that causes us emotional pain, but how we interpret the event. We must assign the event some form of meaning in our thoughts before it can impact us positively or negatively. I believe you know this.

There are many reasons why a thread goes without any posts, in my opinion, most of them not purposely intended as a form of rejection. I don't post much to anxiety/panic threads because that is not my problem and I don't have a lot of experience in knowing how to approach someone with that problem. I have in the past posted to some of those threads, but in general I don't post to them as much as I do depression posts. I'm also not on the net a lot so I don't check in everyday or even every other day. There are also many more who need help versus those who have been helped. Those who heal and recover usually don't stay on the board. There are exceptions, but generally if you recover you get involved with life again and leave the forum. So, the board is filled with those who need help and post threads but not a lot of veterans of the program around. I think it is very unwise for a person to interpret as rejection the fact that his thread may get little or no posts. In my opinion, in most cases, if not all, such interpretation would be totally untrue.

I do understand that it doesn't feel good, but there are many reasons having nothing to do with rejection why a thread goes without posts.

I also will try and post something if I notice a thread has gone on for a couple of days without a reply. But, inevitably some threads are going to fall through the cracks and it has nothing to do with rejection, in my opinion.

I hope I have not offended you. I appreciate the compassion you have shown to me and think that what you are seeking to do on this forum is great, absolutely wonderful. I also think it is a good thing to bring this matter up and discuss it. I would like to see all threads get responses, and lots of them.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 12:50 am

Pecos, you are right about there being posts without reply’s and some without many reads and I used to feel bad for the person too. I try to view them first, but I usually only look at the newest ones on the top of my screen when I sign on (no time). This is because I make the time for so much to do that I don't have the time (priority’s for me) to look at all the posts. I think some of them end up being repeats of the same subject over n over again without the person even knowing it (I see it a lot when I look). It might make the person look for a similar post or sometimes put more into it for it to be a better read and cry for help. If someone reads a lot they can find many similar posts too.

So many people here hurt so bad that they can't help on a post cuz they hurt too bad to be of any help. Many people read a lot of posts but only have the time to reply to the ones that affect them in the same way. I really felt bad too Pecos and I LOVE your reply’s in helping others. One thing for sure is we are all in different phases and times where we can be of help and even have the time. There are so many new people each day, and like Don stated, there are many of us trying to get back into the flow of life (vets here lol). There probably are more who need help than can give it. I believe Dons statements to be true and right on, we really need to do what this program is trying to get us to do..........get back on our feet again and back into life (and help others too).

Again I think a lot of you Pecos and you do have a point, I believe that this place is or feels like a last resort but most of us will never give up and will try to do another post. I would have liked to see more reply’s on some of mine, but I've realized everything I stated is so true, so I take what I can get and keep moving forward. You care about people in need, I do too, and that’s AWESOME!

:):)

Keep posting, Chief

pittypat · Post by **pittypat** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 3:27 am

My heart goes out to each of you here. I thoroughly agree with everything said. I have actually stopped working on something and headed in to my house, booted up my computer, and checked to see if help arrived to some specific posts. I admit, sometimes I read something in a post that I just don't know anything about. I will write an empty reply then delete it, because I don't want to sound insincere. I know each of you worries about all the people who need help here, as well. I have needed my share of help here, too. A few weeks ago, when my most beloved pet was killed by coyotes, I was a basket case. This community lifted me up and helped me keep going.
In a short while, I will be driving in to feed my mother's cats, and a couple of dozen homeless cats that she used to worry about and take care of, so I guess we can see where I got this habit from

Today I work on Session 8. In a few days I move on to Session 9. Adios mi amigos and amigas.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 4:05 am

I have noticed this as well and have experienced it. The first message I posted went unanswered and I felt deflated. One of my issues is that I don't feel like people notice me enough, so it was a blow. I did try again, but I was really hesitant. I am glad I tried again because I got some great feedback.
Another person persoannly messaged me and said the same thing happened to her and she hasn't been able to message since because she doesn't feel her problems are worthy enough. I tried to encourage her to try again and shared how my second experience was much better, so I hope she does. I am going to make a point to try and seek out those postings as well.
Thanks for bring up this issue!