I finished the program a quite a few weeks back and since have been doing very well since. I have a new job and I'm being much more social. I've been out on a date for the first time in absolutely ages too. But today I had an anxiety producing situation at work and just need to vent.
I won't go into too much detail but. I heard people saying some negative things this morning and I assumed they were talking about me. Now (it's evening where I am) I'm pretty sure they weren't. I just hate being so effected by other people's opinions of me. It sends me on these horrid roller coaster rides of emotion. I thought that I was over all that. But the experience brought back a lot of the old panicky feelings, where I just want to withdraw and run home. Of course I don't do that, since I can't just leave work because I'm having an internal melt down.
It's just annoying to be back here again. One positive thing I can say though is that the skills in the program definitely me helped to calm down and get my emotional state closer to “normal” again. I also wondered if anyone else worries they're instincts about such things might be “broken” . Like you know when you get a gut feeling/vibe about someone and it negative (i.e. That they don't like you) I imagine that people with anxiety are often paranoid, I think I suffered quite badly from paranoia before doing the program. I used to think people were judging me all the time. I'm trying to be more logical and just look at the facts. But I find myself fixating on weather or not I can trust my feelings if they're negative.
Broken instincts
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Guest
You are definitely on the right path with what you said: "I'm trying to be more logical and just look at the facts."
Remember it is your perception of how you view the situation that determines if you let it affect you or not. Keep working on improving your "rational thinking" skills, until it becomes second nature to you. Changes in the human mind take time to settle in, so be patient with yourself.
A few years ago I use to let peoples negative comments get to me in a big way. Then I realized that most of the negative comments about me from a few co-workers, where because they were more or less jealous of the quality of work I was producing. I guess it made them feel insecure about their own abilities. Has it ever crossed your mind that even if your co-workers did say something negative about you, it could possibly be due to their jealousy? Maybe you dress very well, have nice hair, your makeup is very good, you smell very nice, you speak very well, you drive a nice car, your work is of high standards. It is always a good idea to remember, that most people who are always talking negatively about other people, especially at work as you are in a competitive environment, are either the insecure or jealous type. They feel better about themselves, by putting other people down.
Today, peoples negative comments no longer affect me in any way. I have learned to accept the "truth" that in many different situations in our lives, people are going to talk about us even if we prefer them not to. This will never change and everybody experiences this. But how we choose to let these negative comments affect us, we do have complete control over.
It is also a good idea to remind yourself that you do not want to experience the body symptoms of anxiety, so the best way of achieving this, is to choose to be less affected by other peoples comments.
Two great books I think you should read is called "Telling Yourself the Truth" by William Backus. And also "Escaping Emotional Entrapment : Freedom from negative thinking and unhealthy emotions" by Daniel Rutley.
Both these books will help you to sharpen your rational thinking skills.
All the best.
Remember it is your perception of how you view the situation that determines if you let it affect you or not. Keep working on improving your "rational thinking" skills, until it becomes second nature to you. Changes in the human mind take time to settle in, so be patient with yourself.
A few years ago I use to let peoples negative comments get to me in a big way. Then I realized that most of the negative comments about me from a few co-workers, where because they were more or less jealous of the quality of work I was producing. I guess it made them feel insecure about their own abilities. Has it ever crossed your mind that even if your co-workers did say something negative about you, it could possibly be due to their jealousy? Maybe you dress very well, have nice hair, your makeup is very good, you smell very nice, you speak very well, you drive a nice car, your work is of high standards. It is always a good idea to remember, that most people who are always talking negatively about other people, especially at work as you are in a competitive environment, are either the insecure or jealous type. They feel better about themselves, by putting other people down.
Today, peoples negative comments no longer affect me in any way. I have learned to accept the "truth" that in many different situations in our lives, people are going to talk about us even if we prefer them not to. This will never change and everybody experiences this. But how we choose to let these negative comments affect us, we do have complete control over.
It is also a good idea to remind yourself that you do not want to experience the body symptoms of anxiety, so the best way of achieving this, is to choose to be less affected by other peoples comments.
Two great books I think you should read is called "Telling Yourself the Truth" by William Backus. And also "Escaping Emotional Entrapment : Freedom from negative thinking and unhealthy emotions" by Daniel Rutley.
Both these books will help you to sharpen your rational thinking skills.
All the best.
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Guest
Thanks so much for your reply. I am going to order those books from amazon right after I finish typing this. They sound like just what I need.
I think perhaps you are right about the negative comments having more to do with my co workers issues than my own. Basically what happened is this:
One of co workers left his work unfinished and I came across it while tying to complete my own duties. One of the items he left unfinished was kind of an 'overlap' between our two jobs. But he didn't sign the item off properly, that is I didn't know if he intended to hand this piece of work on to me, or if he meant to hand it on to someone else. As a result I had no idea what to do with it. One of my other co workers told me to ask the management. So that's what I did.
But when the manager found out he was pretty displeased with the guy for not finishing his work and failing to properly hand things over. I didn't mean to get the guy in any trouble, as I had been getting along quite well with him prior to this. (Now he acts icy towards me) I was just unclear about how to proceed. I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known the bosses would react the way they did.
Shortly after this happened I started hearing comments like 'you can't trust some people' and 'you shouldn't get too close to people like that'. All the anxiety came back because I worried people would start thinking I'm some office snitch/telltale/ spy for the boss or something, and that I was going to go running to the managers to tell them about every mistake my co workers made. Which I would never do. I guess I just didn't want them to change how they acted towards me.
Then there was another co worker(who I thought was becoming good friend, for clarity sakes I'll call him co worker 3) that I was sure I heard talking negatively about me with the co worker that got in trouble. But then again I've heard co worker 3 saying all sorts of things about people in the office. And he went out of his way to help me out with a heavy workload shortly after this incident happened. He's not changed the way he acts around me at all. He seems like a nice guy it's just that his behaviour is really confusing to me.
There have been all kinds of interpersonal conflicts and bitching(sorry about the language but I'm not sure what else to call it)occurring in that office which pre dated my arrival there. So I guess now that I think about it, it might just be the 'culture' of the place. Maybe I just never noticed it until I became the focus of attention.
But you're right....the truth is I can't control how other people think and act. And I guess that fact is there's someone like this in every office, and even if I left (i.e. ran away) and got a new job somewhere else there'd I'd encounter this person again except they'd be wearing a different face. I've over analysed the situation to death in my mind actually trying figure out how I could 'fix' things with the co-worker that got in troule. Though now I feel like I shouldn't even bother. And I feel like he's blaming me for his mistake. I can't keep letting other people's issues effect me like this. It was negative comments from peers and coworkers that spiralled me deepest depths of my anxiety and depression. So maybe this is why universe is throwing this situation at me yet again. So I can learn not let the way I act feel be dictated by other people's actions and comments.
I think perhaps you are right about the negative comments having more to do with my co workers issues than my own. Basically what happened is this:
One of co workers left his work unfinished and I came across it while tying to complete my own duties. One of the items he left unfinished was kind of an 'overlap' between our two jobs. But he didn't sign the item off properly, that is I didn't know if he intended to hand this piece of work on to me, or if he meant to hand it on to someone else. As a result I had no idea what to do with it. One of my other co workers told me to ask the management. So that's what I did.
But when the manager found out he was pretty displeased with the guy for not finishing his work and failing to properly hand things over. I didn't mean to get the guy in any trouble, as I had been getting along quite well with him prior to this. (Now he acts icy towards me) I was just unclear about how to proceed. I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known the bosses would react the way they did.
Shortly after this happened I started hearing comments like 'you can't trust some people' and 'you shouldn't get too close to people like that'. All the anxiety came back because I worried people would start thinking I'm some office snitch/telltale/ spy for the boss or something, and that I was going to go running to the managers to tell them about every mistake my co workers made. Which I would never do. I guess I just didn't want them to change how they acted towards me.
Then there was another co worker(who I thought was becoming good friend, for clarity sakes I'll call him co worker 3) that I was sure I heard talking negatively about me with the co worker that got in trouble. But then again I've heard co worker 3 saying all sorts of things about people in the office. And he went out of his way to help me out with a heavy workload shortly after this incident happened. He's not changed the way he acts around me at all. He seems like a nice guy it's just that his behaviour is really confusing to me.
There have been all kinds of interpersonal conflicts and bitching(sorry about the language but I'm not sure what else to call it)occurring in that office which pre dated my arrival there. So I guess now that I think about it, it might just be the 'culture' of the place. Maybe I just never noticed it until I became the focus of attention.
But you're right....the truth is I can't control how other people think and act. And I guess that fact is there's someone like this in every office, and even if I left (i.e. ran away) and got a new job somewhere else there'd I'd encounter this person again except they'd be wearing a different face. I've over analysed the situation to death in my mind actually trying figure out how I could 'fix' things with the co-worker that got in troule. Though now I feel like I shouldn't even bother. And I feel like he's blaming me for his mistake. I can't keep letting other people's issues effect me like this. It was negative comments from peers and coworkers that spiralled me deepest depths of my anxiety and depression. So maybe this is why universe is throwing this situation at me yet again. So I can learn not let the way I act feel be dictated by other people's actions and comments.
The situation with your co-worker is definitely not your fault. This guy should have finished his work. And since he did not go to the manager himself if he was not sure what to do next, you did the right thing by speaking with the manager about the situation.
You are right when you said: "I feel like he's blaming me for his mistake". He is angry, possibly because he did not intend to finish his work and thought nobody will notice. Well, hopefully this will teach him a good needed lesson.
All the best.
You are right when you said: "I feel like he's blaming me for his mistake". He is angry, possibly because he did not intend to finish his work and thought nobody will notice. Well, hopefully this will teach him a good needed lesson.
All the best.
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Guest
Thanks again for replying. Posting on these boards (and getting a replies) seems to help me put my stressors into perspective. Thank you for your opinion on the situation, sometimes it's easier to see the 'truth' when others point it out to you. The guy I had the issue with was not at work today and all my other co workers seem to be acting normal towards me again.
I just hate having tension between myself and others. But I guess that's not my responsibility to solve. When I try being nice to him he just acts sulky. So I suppose I really just need to get comfortable with the fact that I work with people who are not as mature as I'd like them to be.
I just hate having tension between myself and others. But I guess that's not my responsibility to solve. When I try being nice to him he just acts sulky. So I suppose I really just need to get comfortable with the fact that I work with people who are not as mature as I'd like them to be.