HOCD/ Gay worriers

miamikittycat · Post by **miamikittycat** » Sun Aug 10, 2008 3:20 pm

I think Dustin' on to something about "over-thinking it" ...maybe the thing to do would be to "under-react" like it says in the program.

RD terriers · Post by **RD terriers** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:45 pm

Trin,

I'd like to recommend a great book that discusses dealing with obsessive thoughts: The Imp of The Mind by Dr. Lee Baer.

He says the more you try to force a thought out of your mind, the stronger and scarier it becomes. One treatment that is used for OCD scary thoughts is to say the scary thought on a tape and listen to it over and over again on a loop. Eventually, the thought loses its meaning and power. It becomes another random thought like: "It is cold outside."

Check out the book. I found it very helpful.

Wishing you all the best!

LiJe · Post by **LiJe** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:47 pm

Hi Trin.

Some good advice on the board here.

I highly recommend talking to a professional who specializes in OCD (maybe you are already doing so?). They can try and work through this fear with you.

You aren't gay. It's the OCD talking. Try and let the thought pass, and address it is "oh this is an OCD thought" i'm not going to put any value on this - it's just a thought, nothing else. i'm going to let this pass and move one. time to focus on something else.

I know this is hard, but if you can do this, hopefully you won't feel as anxious, and your thought will become less powerful. Anxiety is what gives OCD it's power.

Monica4 · Post by **Monica4** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 7:59 am

Trin
I had this one when I was 26. This is the obsession that finally sent me to a psychiatrist. It caused so much angst. He told me that the obsessions are actually the opposite of who you are. It's the fear of what will happen if you were gay. You are definitely not gay. When the thought starts getting a hold on you just shout "stop" and it will jar your brain enough to let you change activity. I'm 45 years old and have had OCD all my life. It is not nearly as bad as when I was younger and didn't know what I had. Remember they are just thoughts.... not reality. I hope this helps.

Trin · Post by **Trin** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 2:39 pm

Monica4 can you explain how it started?

mine started seemingly at random, like my mind just picked up this prase that i heard and it kept on repeating it.. it started at night and slowly grew stronger and stronger until it took over the whole day and i started to worry if i actually found guys attractive.

it also has something to do with being made fun of, because thats what REALLY brought it out. i was scared to death of being made fun and it still doesnt quite sit well with me now but thats a big reason why im so scared.

and the fears feed off of each other

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:14 am

Hey Trin

I'm wondering if this isn't because of something hidden in your past. Like an event that took place when you were alot yonger and its starting to come to the surface.

Mike

Sidd · Post by **Sidd** » Sun Aug 17, 2008 5:10 pm

Trin:
I've been doing alot of reading on obsessions...I myself have an ugly obsession that rears it's head every once in awhile and I'm trying to allow it to sit there while going along with my business (I think it's called floating). It's tough though! All obsessions are tough. Your particular obession re: being gay, as far as my reading goes, is pretty common. You are NOT gay. You just had a thought at a time when you were sensitized and it stuck. Now it's your thing..it's your anxiety. It's just anxiety manifesting itself in your scarey obsession. It is not the truth...it is just your anxiety talking. There is excellent advice here...and someone gave you a website to check out on obsessive behavior...check it out. Also listen to the session on obsessive scarey thoughts. You are OK, but us telling you this over and over isn't enough. You need to let the scarey thoughts in and allow them to be there. Just let them sit there in your mind and don't feed them with what if's or go through a whole story in your head about it. Don't give them any respect or attention. Just let them sit there and desensitize yourself from them that way. Read as much as you can on Cognitive therapy with obessive thoughts. Don't try to force them out...let them be and say to yourself "OK, there they are..so what, I know I'm not gay...so come along and do your worse...I'm not afraid of you (your thoughts) and just go along with your business. I hope you find peace soon. Good luck. Listen to all this great feedback that everyone has given you....you're OK. Also, great books have been recommended to us...Holly was just talking about Clare Weeks..Hope and Help for your Nerves. She has a whole chapter on obsessive thinking and what to do with it. In addition google Paul David, he wrote a book called At Last, A Life. He has alot to say about obessive thinking and the best treatment for it. He suffered from anxiety for 10 years and cured himself and he had tons of obessions...trust me...you are NOT alone with this one.

Again...good luck,
Lynn

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 7:41 am

Trin, You're getting good information here. To start your healing process begin to watch your thoughts come and go. Do your best to not attach to them. Just be the Watcher. Notice how intense the thoughts become. How pesty they are. Notice where you feel the discomfort in your body whenever you have these thoughts. Don't do anything about these feelings. Just notice.

Your problem is not the content of your thoughts. Your reaction to the thoughts (anxiety) is what the problem is. Practice observing your thoughts instead of identifying with them. This is a form of desensitizing, and yes, saying what you fear onto a tape and then listening to that tape over and over for about 45 mintues a day will really help to reduce your stress over this. You can also write your fear on paper. Take twenty minutes and get really into it. Don't try to fix anything. Then read it everyday for 45 minutes a day until you no longer have any impact to the topic. Sometimes it only takes two days to do this exercise and you begin to feel calm.

You will get to a point where you can say "Whatever" to these thoughts and the thoughts will leave you quickly - with little or no impact on you at all.

Start practicing now so you can have peace. Be patient with yourself. It takes time but if you practice, healing is certain. Remember to always soothe that small child within. Let that little person know you are loved no matter the outcome.

Trin · Post by **Trin** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:00 pm

NinjaFrodo

could you elaborate on what you mean?

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:02 pm

Sure.

Sometimes when something traumatic happens in our past we block it out because it is tooo painful but then we get this strange urges or feelings and we don't know why. Sometimes they are this past event starting to come up.

Now this may not be you but I've heard of some guys who worry they might be gay and they get these obsessions and they're actually straight but they've been sexually abused....and their mind is trying to put them back into that situation in order for them to solve it and move on.

Mike