Living the last 26 years with guilt

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:08 am

I dido everything so far especially GI822, well said. We all seem to carry something instead of letting go and moving on. It's time to move forward, in a positive direction. Something learned here is that your kids someday or nephews/nieces might be in that situation. Think of how you would handle these situations after going through your past experience, ok?

stargazer · Post by **stargazer** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:21 am

Im still thinking about this, You were just a kid not an adult when this happened. Kids are kids do not do things to hurt anybody, they are just learning about thier world around them. I have kids and do understand kids. Most kids are harmless but just learning. Yesterday my son and his friend were shooting toy guns, his friend was shooting lizards and so he did it to. He came to me last night all upset about killing the lizard so we talked about it for a while so he would feel better, Iknow what he did was wrong but I felt better knowing he felt bad about it and I know he wont do it again. He is my soft at heart child and know he was just experimenting. I know people are different than the lizard but what Im trying to say is that you were just a child. Nicki

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:40 pm

My opinion is that this is all normal behavior for children growing up. I also experimented and played with my first cousin {male) when I was about 5 or so. As far as I can remember it was only once. We have a great relationship today and we're both age 58. When I was 12 I also was briefly involved with a boy my age and in my grade at school. It was him who initiated the sex, but I was a willing participant. This occurred when I would spend the night with him on a weekend. We had been friends since very young. It didn't last long, just adolescents experimenting. I am very much heterosexual. This was just part of growing up, no big deal as I see it.

You're being very hard on yourself. I hope you can reach a point that you can forgive yourself for normal growing up experimentation. It's not a big deal. But I realize it is to you right now. Kudos to you for having the courage to share. You need to forgive yourself and let go of this guilt. You're okay, normal.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:24 am

I agree with Don57- You're being too hard on yourself. I also had similar experiences when I was young with a neighbor who was my age. I never thought much of it later, as it was not violent, abusive, or forced and just chalked it up to being young and curious. I can see where it could worry people now days though because there is so much in the news about this kind of thing, but there is a difference between harmful acts and brief experimentation when we are young and curious. Forgive yourself you did no harm.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:46 am

I wanted to respond to "I Streight" and for those who are reading this and holding on to your own guilt. If you are a believer, you must know that there is NO such thing as a sin that is unforgiveable. God will forgive you if you ask for it.

I personally have found that confessing what I've done, as Hawaiihereicome has done (whether here or in a confessional or to a minister or a dear friend - or whatever you feel comfortable) is such an important part of losing the guilt and moving on! Even the twelve step programs are based in this.

It is important to find someone who you trust.

May God bless us all in our search for forgiveness.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:42 am

hawaiihereicome:

Interesting post. In my life, I have been on the receiving end of this type of thing (but I am not your female cousin of course). It never occured to me that the boy on the other side of the equation would feel guilt after 20 years (in my case more like 40 years).

But you should let this go. Your guilt does not help your female cousin. Your guilt does not help you. I could argue that by letting go of your guilt you would be helping your own children, because then they could have a complete father (as opposed to one who is living a life at less than potential).

Just let it go. In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing.

K

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Oct 30, 2008 4:47 am

ProudMom..hearing your story kind of saved my life. When i was young, not too sure wanna say around 5 or 6, my girl cousin and I did that sort of thing. I never really thought much of it but then within the past few years when all this anxiety started, i began thinking of all the bad things i had done in my life. I could never understand why we did this, none of it was forced and it just seems so unexplainable as to why we engaged in this behavior. But whenever i am feeling down i start obsessing over this and it makes me feel so guilty and depressed. Once that begins, i start obsessing well waht if i am a child molester or something and it just begins this downward spiral of negative thinking. I then get so depressed and anxious and i even try to avoid being around children for the fear of that. I know people that act on these thoughts enjoy the thought, but it still doesnt help me feel better. I just cant seem to get these thoughts out of my head and it drains my physically and emotionally. I then feel like i dont deserve to have fun or take care of myself because of these thoughts. However, reading your post and seeing that i am not the only one caring around guilt over these actions is extremely comforting. We are good, kind, sensitive people and would never do that after all the life we have experienced. I was wondering if you have any tips or readings i could use to help myself get over this horrible guilt and anxiety