Nervous about returning to work

GI822 · Post by **GI822** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:04 pm

Hello,

I was off on vacation this past week. I just relaxed by the pool all week and didn't really go anywhere. Now I am due to go back to work tomorrow and I'm nervous. I feel like I do not want to go back. I just logged on to my work emails and I had 64. Reading all of the emails were just overwhelming. Plus, my boss sent me an email that she wants to go over some things in the morning. One of them being our front desk coverage. I work in the HR dept and we are in charge of covering the front desk when the secretary is off. I know she is going to want me to cover. I hate covering because you can not leave the desk. You must ask someone else to come up and relieve you everytime you have to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water etc... I think I am just going to explode when she asks me. I want to be a part of the team and help out but at the same time thinking of being stuck at the front desk all day is a nightmare.

I have been having trouble the last two months at work just trying to stay there all day and now I don't even want to go. I started the job in March 2007 and was there everyday up until two months ago. Before I barely called out sick and maybe took 2 or 3 days off for vacation. In the last two months I've called out sick, came in late etc... not a lot but more than I should. My boss has been understanding but I think she is nearing the end of her rope. I'm scared I'll get fired or have to take a leave of absence. I've never been fired from a job in my life! I'm afraid what will happen if I have to move back home because I can't work. I'm having so many overwhelming thoughts. I watched my dvds today, exercised, and tried so hard with my positive self talk but as you can see it's not going to well. I don't know what to do. I keep thinking I'll drive there tomorrow and just leave and never want to go back.

tootie323 · Post by **tootie323** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 5:46 pm

Hi. I am also back at work today after having 2 weeks off. I also am nevrous, why I don't really know. In one way I am looking forwar to going back as I spent my time making myself anxious, In the other I know I will only be back an hour if even until I am dreaming about my next time off which is in November

I also have taken a few days of in recent months, not because I was anxious or anything, more I was just totally pi$$ed of with work, Getting fired is something that also bothers me, expecially because at the min theres not alot of work out there. I suppose all you can do is take each day as it comes

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 6:07 pm

I start a new job tomorrow. It will be the first time I've worked full-time for more than 18 months, and I'm a bit nervous. I have worked part-time for several months, and I think I'm ready - but I'm still a bit apprehensive.

Good luck to all of us!

Ann E · Post by **Ann E** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 6:08 pm

Are you currently on meds? I am not a big fan but have had the same problem. I do believe that if you are not able to function at work and have to quit/get fired it is better to use this as a tool to get over the rough spot as you are learning your coping skills. This is what I have done in the past when I was agoraphobic 8 years ago before I recovered and what I am doing now. (recently had a setback and am experiencing the attacks again, several years later!) The meds are for temporary use of course. Once you start getting comfortable again at work, you will need them less and less...and then just knowing you have them if you need them is enough. I am talking about a sedative or something that you can take as needed...like zanax. It really helps. I had just opened a salon a few months before the first time I had a problem with this, and it was terrible. I couldn't afford to pay someone to run it yet, I had just opened it! Plus, I just sunk all that money in it and couldn't close it....so those pressures created extreme stress which worsened the anxiety. This time I my dad has been talking about retiring which means I will be running their company. Same issue!! The meds help as you get more confident in your skills. Don't be afraid to do this if necessary.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:19 am

Well I couldn't do it this morning. I dreaded going to work all night. I tossed and turned with all of these bad dreams. I emailed my boss and told her I need to take some extended time off. I have been dreading doing this for the last two months since my anxiety worsened. I want to and HAVE to use this time off to get better. I can't lay around the house and do nothing or I will never want to go back. I am currently on paxil 10mg, the lowest dose. My doctor gave me calazapin (sp) but I don't like the way it makes me feel. I feel kind of like a failure for not going back to work but at the same time I want to use this time to get better. Any adivce? Has anyone else ever done this?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:43 am

Being in HR, the first thing you need to do is look into FMLA so that you CAN'T lose your job. It is a federal law, and if you see a psych doc or reg doc, they can fill out the papers saying this is a MEDICAL condition, and that intermittent leaves will be necessary, or even a long leave. You can take up to 12 wks in a yr and be guaranteed your job back. IT IS A FEDERAL LAW!!! I'd get that ball rolling because it is obvious you just need time, and not worry about whether you will be fired.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:55 am

I can understand how you are feeling. I am just finishing some time off (3 weeks) due to extreme anxiety. Please don't feel like a failure, if you need time off, then take it. You may want to check into FMLA or disability to cover yourself at work. I felt guilty at first about taking time off, but realized I need to take care of myself. I have been working for someone that is extremely critical for 2 1/2 years now, not a great situation for me with anxiety. My therapist agreed it would be best to take myself out of the situation temporarily so I could get a better grip on my thoughts and emotions.

I return to work this Friday. I am nervous about going back, but I am thinking about going back to work as being part of my "therapy and recovery" to test the skills that I am learning.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 3:02 am

WAnt2feelgoodagain and cece, thanks so much. I did take advantage of the FMLA. I also have short term disability so that will help with the money issue. Ce Ce after reading your post I'm glad to hear that other people took time off and it is o.k. to take time off. I was worried that it would worsen my anxiety but I have a choice not to let it. Good luck with work on Friday, I'm sure you'll do great.

Thanks again everyone!!!!

Barb G. · Post by **Barb G.** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:24 am

GI822

I hate to tell you this, but if you take a prolonged leave, it could make your anxiety worse. You do need to destress and take things off your plate to an extent, but if you are looking to take time off because you are anxious at work, it is avoidance and in the short term it will make your anxiety better, but in the long run, it will make it harder to go back. I am struggling with this right now too. Thankfully I work in a family business, so I am not going to get fired for not coming to work. However, I do have the money issue if I do not go. I will tell you when I went through this 8 years ago and didn't know much about it, I immediately left work for a while and it was REALLY hard going back. This time I am having it again so what I have done is structured it in such a way that if I need to leave, I can leave. When I get to work each day I feel extreme anxiety, I even start crying and having to pace back and forth in the back for a bit. Then I go sit at my desk and feel extreme anxiety and try to focus. Sometimes I have to get up and pace again and talk to myself. It is horrible, but it is the ONLY way to overcome it. You are not going to get better and then go back to work and have no anxiety. The only way you are going to get over it and get better is by going to work and other things you avoid. I'm sure this is upsetting, but if you want to know the truth that is what it is. There have only been two days that I have actually had to leave work, went home and rested, listened to my relaxation cd etc and then went back later. Maybe once or twice I couldn't go back. But all the other days when I pushed through, as I got over the first part of the anxiety, I felt back to "normal" and felt fine. It even made me feel better in the evening so that I could go run errands and do things I needed to do. See if there is a way you can structure something where you take the pressure off and are still exposing yourself to it. Otherwise you can get in to the agoraphobia really bad, which is what I did the first time.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:33 am

I wanted to add something else. I don't want this to sound like pressure or you HAVE to do this or that. I am just telling you the truth from what I have experienced in the past and what I am experiencing now. If you can't go to work, maybe try to go up there regularly if you can..do what you ARE comfortable with until you get a little mor comfortable there to the point where you can handle it. Could you just go in every day to check your emails and do a few things? Talk to your boss...perhaps you can come up with something that is not so overwhelming for you right now but keeps you connected and gives you something you can build on. Maybe part time that gives you flexible hours? If you are levels 8 9 & 10 every time you go to work, then yes you need to cut something back and restructure so when you go to work you are not getting that high. So I encourage you to try something else, try to stay connected in ways that don't give that extreme of anxiety and work your way up. Do the best you can and that is good enough!!!