It took me twenty minutes to go to the back area. The assistant was becoming really frustrated with me. I let her numb my mouth so that they could put the novacane(sp??) in. I was so wound up. The dentist grabbed my hand and asked me to trust him. My wife was in the room with me also.
He starts to numb me with the novacane and the anxiety was so great that I screamed. Not just a normal scream, but a scream that shook the building. He took the needle out and I was in a 25 level panic attack. My wife came over to try and console me but she couldn't. The dentist told her to take me to the hospital to get sedated because he wouldn't be able to treat me.
I totally freaked out more so than I ever have. I have always been able to keep myself under control in public until yesterday. I laid on the floor crying and extremely distraught. I thought I was going to die right then and there.
I left there feeling embarrassed and depressed with my mouth totally numb, teeth still in.
After we got home, I left. My wife felt really bad because I wasn't talking. I just walked out. I have never embarrassed myself so much in my life. I still cannot believe that I did that. I was embarrassed about the dentist, but more so embarrassed that I did that in front of my wife. I needed to get away and think.
I came back home last night and asked my wife for a divorce. I told her that she deserved better. That I would always be this way and I didn't want to bring her down with me.
I cried so much last night that when I woke up this morning, my eyes were swollen shut. I could still see, but looking in the mirror it looks like I was punched in both eyes.
I'm on week 5, and ready to throw up my hands and give in. As it stands right now, I still have to have my wisdom teeth pulled; they hurt like crazy today. And, I'm getting a divorce. I don't want a divorce, but I felt so much like crap last night that I .... I asked for it.
I have no idea what to do. It took everything I had just to get out of the bed this morning. It's taking even more energy to sit here and type this. I'm hopeless and I feel so alone.
I Went To The Dentist, But
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Guest
Are you taking anything for anxiety/panic attacks? If you aren't I would suggest you go to your family doctor. He/she might give you something for this or he/she might give you the name of another doctor/therapist who specializes in this. Don't feel bad if you have to take medicine. There is nothing wrong with it. The "Combatting Stress and Depression Program" program is great. Continue on the program, but go see a doctor. I am doing both because the program alone was not enough. I am keeping you in my prayers. You CAN conquer this!!!!
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Guest
Give yourself permission to have had an outcome that was not exactly what you wanted and most of all, FORGIVE YOURSELF. It sounds like the assistant who was impatient with you really didn't know how to handle YOUR special situation and perhaps it just wasn't the right time for you to be there. I was dental phobic for over 14 years and when I went back to one-a recommendation from a friend who said "You'll love him,"--I was very apprehensive (EXTREMELY), but he explained everything he was going to do and was comforting. If you don't have a comforting dentist, it may be time to find another one...another thing that helped immensely was that he gives you a tape recorder/radio headset while he works on you. If they don't give you one, you might want to bring your own and pop in the relaxation tape or some music that really mellows you out. The radio helped me because I controlled the tuner and could change stations while in the chair...anything to divert your own negative thoughts and reactive feelings. Remember to breathe...my dentist "checked in with me" periodically making sure I was okay. You will be okay. Be patient with yourself. Remember to "let time pass." Things do get better. Another "tip" that may help you--I learned this from my Yoga teacher--is that if you do nothing else (she meant from the Yoga class) she said that it is very important to stretch every morning before getting out of bed...just like on the relaxation tape where you tense your muscles and then relax them. I will pray for you and positive outcomes. This is the first time that I have interacted and posted anything. I kept pulling up the website and logging on but I didn't write. I just started the program.
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Guest
I understand how you feel. I work at a dental office as an assistant. I also suffer from OCD and anxiety disorder. I make it point to do all that I can to make patients feel comfortable. Its almost always a success. Patients want to know that you feel or have felt what they have felt. If you found a dentist that makes you feel comfortable then stick with him/her. Good luck and God Bless
ATTITUDE -- The mind is like a parachute...it doesn't work unless it's open!!
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Guest
Bless your heart. I really feel for you. I really struggle with going to any doctor - let alone the dentist. That is a common fear. My mom hasn't been to the dentist in over 10 years b/c of the fear.
Do they have sedation dentistry in your area? That is the new big thing where I live. They give you a pill to make you sleep while they do what they need to do. The reason they do this is b/c what you did is so common.
You are not alone. I can't stress enough to you that a fear of the dentist is common. Please don't give up on your marriage because you are ashamed.
Do they have sedation dentistry in your area? That is the new big thing where I live. They give you a pill to make you sleep while they do what they need to do. The reason they do this is b/c what you did is so common.
You are not alone. I can't stress enough to you that a fear of the dentist is common. Please don't give up on your marriage because you are ashamed.
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Guest
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Guest
Tye,
I have to tell you I have done this. First off, since you have to get this done, get a strong sedative you can take or arrange to go to a dentist who will put you under. Then you won't even have to worry about it and you can get this particular stress over with and off your chest.
I have told a few people this already, but I will tell you. I had this problem to the EXTREME eight years ago. Agoraphobic (wouldn't even walk out my front door for some of the time), panic attacks EVERY DAY, even sitting in my home. I woke up with them. It was terrible. They were so bad even at home, that there were many times I jumped in the shower fully clothed to get the cold water to help me to stop from passing out. I couldn't do anything. I beat myself up the same way you are doing now. For a man, I assume it feels even worse, but do not be discouraged. This does not make you less of a man. I have done things like you described that were extremely embarrassing. Once I was driving and having an attack at it's extreme and I started screaming in the car and I ripped my shirt off because I was so hot and was trying to keep from passing out. (and I am a woman, mind you, driving down the road ripping my clothes off!) Now I think it was pretty funny. I freaked out in a walmart once. Was just standing there and started to feel like I was going to pass out and had to lay down on the floor and was screaming. Another time I was on a plane and it happened. I got up to go to the bathroom, but the stewardess told me I couldn't be out of my seat because we hadn't taken off yet and were taxi-ing. I screamed at her! Then I had to lay down in the isle of the plane...this time I had a skirt on. They had to take me off the plane in a wheel chair with an oxygen mask on my face! In Dr.s offices I have literally walked over in the middle of them talking to me and stuck my head in the sink and turned the faucet on in the exam room! Getting my hair and face soaking wet...and then dripping water all over the place.
I went through the depression and it took such a toll on my self esteem. I didn't think I was worth anything, that no one would truely love me like this. That no one would want to stay with someone as screwed up as me. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD GET BETTER. As bad as I was, I didn't think it would EVER be possible for me to get to a point where I no longer suffered with the anxiety and the attacks.
I had a total recovery, where I didn't even think about it anymore. Here recently I have started having the attacks again, I believe due to some extremely stressful life events that have come up. It is no where near as bad as it was the first time I dealt with it in my life, but it is still scary. I bought this program again because it helped me that much. I assure you that I was as "crazy" and "messed up" as you think you are
(if not more) and I made it. It takes time. You have to do the program every day, and the more extreme you suffer from the anxiety, the more time each day you should devote to the program. It will work. When I went through the program the first time I thought the same as you and I had frustrations and didn't see results right away. Then I got radical with it. Spent time on it. It could take you several months to get better, but you will. YOU WILL. It may not take you that long.
One thing that would be good for you is to take time focusing on accepting yourself just like you are. I was embarrassed about it, I felt abnormal. I actually owned a tanning salon the first time it happened. I would have to excuse myself and go in my back room when customers would come in...leaving them standing there! I finally got to a point where I didn't give a rat's behind what they thought and would just tell them straight up...hey, sorry, I suffer from extreme anxiety attacks. SO MANY PEOPLE SAID THEY DID TOO! Sometimes I would even make jokes and say, if you thought that was bad...wait til you see me running up and down this hall screaming!
Anyway. I want you to know you are not alone, and I got better, and it wasn't just like that. So don't let it discourage you. Talk openly with your wife about what you are going through and how it is making you feel. Remember, if you were dealing with cancer or something people wouldn't think you were less of a person/man. This is no different.
Be encouraged! Take heart! Stick with the program. And if you start having a lot of success and then have a day or two or even a week where you suffer from extreme anxiety again don't be afraid of that. That happened to me and it is just a part of recovery.
I have to tell you I have done this. First off, since you have to get this done, get a strong sedative you can take or arrange to go to a dentist who will put you under. Then you won't even have to worry about it and you can get this particular stress over with and off your chest.
I have told a few people this already, but I will tell you. I had this problem to the EXTREME eight years ago. Agoraphobic (wouldn't even walk out my front door for some of the time), panic attacks EVERY DAY, even sitting in my home. I woke up with them. It was terrible. They were so bad even at home, that there were many times I jumped in the shower fully clothed to get the cold water to help me to stop from passing out. I couldn't do anything. I beat myself up the same way you are doing now. For a man, I assume it feels even worse, but do not be discouraged. This does not make you less of a man. I have done things like you described that were extremely embarrassing. Once I was driving and having an attack at it's extreme and I started screaming in the car and I ripped my shirt off because I was so hot and was trying to keep from passing out. (and I am a woman, mind you, driving down the road ripping my clothes off!) Now I think it was pretty funny. I freaked out in a walmart once. Was just standing there and started to feel like I was going to pass out and had to lay down on the floor and was screaming. Another time I was on a plane and it happened. I got up to go to the bathroom, but the stewardess told me I couldn't be out of my seat because we hadn't taken off yet and were taxi-ing. I screamed at her! Then I had to lay down in the isle of the plane...this time I had a skirt on. They had to take me off the plane in a wheel chair with an oxygen mask on my face! In Dr.s offices I have literally walked over in the middle of them talking to me and stuck my head in the sink and turned the faucet on in the exam room! Getting my hair and face soaking wet...and then dripping water all over the place.
I went through the depression and it took such a toll on my self esteem. I didn't think I was worth anything, that no one would truely love me like this. That no one would want to stay with someone as screwed up as me. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD GET BETTER. As bad as I was, I didn't think it would EVER be possible for me to get to a point where I no longer suffered with the anxiety and the attacks.
I had a total recovery, where I didn't even think about it anymore. Here recently I have started having the attacks again, I believe due to some extremely stressful life events that have come up. It is no where near as bad as it was the first time I dealt with it in my life, but it is still scary. I bought this program again because it helped me that much. I assure you that I was as "crazy" and "messed up" as you think you are
(if not more) and I made it. It takes time. You have to do the program every day, and the more extreme you suffer from the anxiety, the more time each day you should devote to the program. It will work. When I went through the program the first time I thought the same as you and I had frustrations and didn't see results right away. Then I got radical with it. Spent time on it. It could take you several months to get better, but you will. YOU WILL. It may not take you that long. One thing that would be good for you is to take time focusing on accepting yourself just like you are. I was embarrassed about it, I felt abnormal. I actually owned a tanning salon the first time it happened. I would have to excuse myself and go in my back room when customers would come in...leaving them standing there! I finally got to a point where I didn't give a rat's behind what they thought and would just tell them straight up...hey, sorry, I suffer from extreme anxiety attacks. SO MANY PEOPLE SAID THEY DID TOO! Sometimes I would even make jokes and say, if you thought that was bad...wait til you see me running up and down this hall screaming!
Anyway. I want you to know you are not alone, and I got better, and it wasn't just like that. So don't let it discourage you. Talk openly with your wife about what you are going through and how it is making you feel. Remember, if you were dealing with cancer or something people wouldn't think you were less of a person/man. This is no different.
Be encouraged! Take heart! Stick with the program. And if you start having a lot of success and then have a day or two or even a week where you suffer from extreme anxiety again don't be afraid of that. That happened to me and it is just a part of recovery.
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Guest
God love you Tye---my heart aches for you. You are defnitely NOT alone! And congratulations for mustering the energy to get out of that bed and typing this post. People here understand just how much courage that took.
Your feelings about the dentist are so common---many of us share them. I am currently working on my extremely fearful feelings concering the dentist, despite the fact that I am fortunate enough to be blessed with one of the nicest practitioners on the planet. The time before last, I leaped from the chair was if my hair was on fire, ran through the waiting room to my car (I still had my clinical bib on), and drove home sobbing my head off. The next visit, I resolved to be brave, and made it as far as the placement of the cotton dams inside my mouth, when I once again took off, dashing through the waiting room looking like an over-stuffed chipmunk. It's the best floor show in town. I am presently marshalling my courage to try yet again. And all this over a minor filling replacement! Nothing like the wisdom teeth job with which you are dealing.
It sounds as if you are emotionally and physically exhuasted and over-wrought. This is definitely not the time to make any kind of dramatic life-changing decision, such as a divorce. And--please wait just a moment. Doesn't it take two people to decide on a divorce? Your wife's opinion has no weight? Do you not think that she loves you enough to stand by you throughout this fight, as difficult as it may seem? Do you think that she will love you any the less because she saw you in what you describe as an "embarrassing" position? Is there a person alive who has not been extremely embarrassed at least once in her/his life? I think men have a much more difficult time dealing with this than women, but having seen more than my share of men during the course of my life in "embarrassing" positions, I can assure you that it did not make me think any the less of them. Quite the opposite.
It sounds to me as if need rest---and plenty of it. And you need to talk. Talk to your wife, and then let her talk to you. Please think hard about talking to your doctor. Unless you are adamant about not taking medication, I am sure that there is something which they can prescribe for you, at least to get you over the hump of having your wisdom teeth removed.
I understand that you feel as if right now the black hole of Calcutta has nothing on you, but please hang on. If you feel as if you cannot possibly feel any worse, then you are wrong. You have already seen the "worst." It WILL get better, and it WILL take time. Be gentle with yourself. Show yourself the same compassion as you would to anyone going through a hard time.
Here is a quotation which I have carried in my wallet for many years. The paper is now yellowed and nearly falling apart with age (just like me), but I refer to it often. I only wish I knew the source of the quote:
"Fight one more round. When your feet are so tired that you have to shuffle back to the center of the ring, fight one more round. When your arms are so tired that you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard, fight one more round. When you nose is bleeding and your eyes are black and you are so tired that you wish your oppponent would crack you one on the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round---remembering that the man who always fights one more round is never whipped."
Your feelings about the dentist are so common---many of us share them. I am currently working on my extremely fearful feelings concering the dentist, despite the fact that I am fortunate enough to be blessed with one of the nicest practitioners on the planet. The time before last, I leaped from the chair was if my hair was on fire, ran through the waiting room to my car (I still had my clinical bib on), and drove home sobbing my head off. The next visit, I resolved to be brave, and made it as far as the placement of the cotton dams inside my mouth, when I once again took off, dashing through the waiting room looking like an over-stuffed chipmunk. It's the best floor show in town. I am presently marshalling my courage to try yet again. And all this over a minor filling replacement! Nothing like the wisdom teeth job with which you are dealing.
It sounds as if you are emotionally and physically exhuasted and over-wrought. This is definitely not the time to make any kind of dramatic life-changing decision, such as a divorce. And--please wait just a moment. Doesn't it take two people to decide on a divorce? Your wife's opinion has no weight? Do you not think that she loves you enough to stand by you throughout this fight, as difficult as it may seem? Do you think that she will love you any the less because she saw you in what you describe as an "embarrassing" position? Is there a person alive who has not been extremely embarrassed at least once in her/his life? I think men have a much more difficult time dealing with this than women, but having seen more than my share of men during the course of my life in "embarrassing" positions, I can assure you that it did not make me think any the less of them. Quite the opposite.
It sounds to me as if need rest---and plenty of it. And you need to talk. Talk to your wife, and then let her talk to you. Please think hard about talking to your doctor. Unless you are adamant about not taking medication, I am sure that there is something which they can prescribe for you, at least to get you over the hump of having your wisdom teeth removed.
I understand that you feel as if right now the black hole of Calcutta has nothing on you, but please hang on. If you feel as if you cannot possibly feel any worse, then you are wrong. You have already seen the "worst." It WILL get better, and it WILL take time. Be gentle with yourself. Show yourself the same compassion as you would to anyone going through a hard time.
Here is a quotation which I have carried in my wallet for many years. The paper is now yellowed and nearly falling apart with age (just like me), but I refer to it often. I only wish I knew the source of the quote:
"Fight one more round. When your feet are so tired that you have to shuffle back to the center of the ring, fight one more round. When your arms are so tired that you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard, fight one more round. When you nose is bleeding and your eyes are black and you are so tired that you wish your oppponent would crack you one on the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round---remembering that the man who always fights one more round is never whipped."
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Guest
Tye,
I'm so sorry! I am also able to make myself appear 'normal' in public when I'm having an attack, however, in 2004, I was at the dentist and had EXTREME anxiety. She drilled 2 or 3 cavities out and my anxiety had increased the whole time. My heart was racing and I stood up with a rubber dam in my mouth and breathlessly said that I needed my husband to come back. They brought him back and I was pacing the floor as quickly as I could. I asked the dentist if I could leave, I needed to go home. She was shocked and said, no I haven't filled them? Then she looked frightened and asked me if I was going to be OK? That freaked me out more and I felt like I was dying and then for someone to ask if I was OK was like stabbing me in the chest. I was able to finish after a little while, but didn't go back to a dentist for 1.5 years when my anxiety was better.
Please talk to your wife if you truly want to be with her. I sometimes feel like my husband must think he got 'cheated' because I am this way. It's funny because before we were married, I would tell him about my panic attacks "years before" thinking they were behind me forever.
It sounds like your wife really loves you, the fact that she was there for you and supporting you, it sounds like she wants to be with you as well.
take care,
Ocean
I'm so sorry! I am also able to make myself appear 'normal' in public when I'm having an attack, however, in 2004, I was at the dentist and had EXTREME anxiety. She drilled 2 or 3 cavities out and my anxiety had increased the whole time. My heart was racing and I stood up with a rubber dam in my mouth and breathlessly said that I needed my husband to come back. They brought him back and I was pacing the floor as quickly as I could. I asked the dentist if I could leave, I needed to go home. She was shocked and said, no I haven't filled them? Then she looked frightened and asked me if I was going to be OK? That freaked me out more and I felt like I was dying and then for someone to ask if I was OK was like stabbing me in the chest. I was able to finish after a little while, but didn't go back to a dentist for 1.5 years when my anxiety was better.
Please talk to your wife if you truly want to be with her. I sometimes feel like my husband must think he got 'cheated' because I am this way. It's funny because before we were married, I would tell him about my panic attacks "years before" thinking they were behind me forever.
It sounds like your wife really loves you, the fact that she was there for you and supporting you, it sounds like she wants to be with you as well.
take care,
Ocean