Anxiety and Marriage

LaceyM · Post by **LaceyM** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:55 pm

i just thought it'd be nice to post some tips on anxiety and marriage. i've been married a little over a year and i have been very blessed with a husband who supports and encourages me to do better. he is very patient and kind. he has pretty much been through it all with me. what are some good things we can do to not let our anxiety get in the way of our marriage?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:19 pm

I am going to couples counseling with my husband. It does help, but we still fight a lot. We have two kids and we both get stressed out with our 2 year old and 11 year old. We ocassionally have a date night and that works out GREAT for us. We have a wonderful passionate night. I also have him read the support stuff in the package that was sent to us. Can you give me ideas on how your husband is so understanding. Personally, my husband gets annoyed about it sometimes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:39 am

that is so awesome yall have the date night, espcially with kids! we don't have kids yet but every now and then we'll do something special just to get away from the house. i can't really explain why he is so understanding. he used to just tell me it was all in my head. then he saw how mad i got and after i started researching and sharing some of the information i stumbled upon i think it really caught his attention. we do fight and we both have tempers but we have just learned to cool off and always say we're sorry. my husband gets annoyed with me too sometimes. i have a lot of stomach problems (probably anxiety related) and i just don't feel good sometimes. i think he gets tired of hearing about it. my husband seems to be the msot understanding when he sees me working on my issues. he is really supportive when he knows im trying my best. he gets upset when he sees me slipping but maybe thats a good thing. somedays its just so hard to get motivated and i really do need some "tough love"

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:42 am

I go to couple's counseling and it really helps for us to understand each other better. The biggest challenge in my marriage is not being able to go out and enjoy life with my spouse. I'm working on that though.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:53 am

Awww...I would love a date night! What is a date again? Hmmm.... no seriously, that is so healthy for you to do that. My husband and I get along really well, we have 3 kids and that is really the only thing we argue about, his impatience with them, but we've had a stressful 2 years with remodeling our home and everything. My husband is like yours, very understanding even with the anxiety crap.

Take care,
Ocean

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:56 pm

WOW, my husband gets annoyed with me telling him that I am in pain, I have been disabled for 2 years and before I had the baby I was running around constantly. Now that he's home for the summer we just get on each others nerves. As I said before, we have been going to couples counseling for about 2 years and out of the blue he made his own appointment. Since then he has been so much better and we've even had sex 2xs in one week. That is a big shocker. We were going on maybe once every 2 months. When the boys aren't home, he holds my hand sometimes. It s hard though, because before we got married and had our last baby, he was so compassionate with me. Yesterday I saw that compassion, I was pleasantly surprised.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:48 am

Hi everyone!
I agree, therapy can be very ummmm- theraputic... too early and can't think very well ;*). My husband and i have also been through counseling and it really helped with communication, but it's still something we have to work at daily. It's great (but probably a little disconcerting @ the time) that your hubby made an appt. for himself, Curlygirl. Clearly, he went to better understand your feelings/position and should be commended for it. My guy really likes praise.

My husband is also like Lacey's; he gets irritated and shuts down when I'm struggling. This is frustrating because it's when I need him most. I think some of his behavior is that he can't "fix it" (guys are notorious for this???), and for a long time he really didn't think there was anything reallywrong with me- despite hysterical jags of crying. It took one of his friends (male) to confide that HE had anxiety issues; this made me really

angry:mad: (still kind of does), but at least now he's more compassionate and recognizes that a bad day is just that- a bad DAY and I am working to better myself.

So here's a rather "delicate" question- sex. For the last few years I just don't have any desire for it (it's gotten better in the past few months). Frankly, I'd rather sleep than have a good playful romp. This causes the most tension in our relationship. I think some of my issues deal with the inability to "fully enjoy" the experience and this makes my husband feel like a crummy lover (he's NOT!). I've tried to explain it's the meds (which I'm almost off- hence the recovering sex drive), but still, is there ever a point in your relationship when you can just stop faking it without shattering his ego?

So, I guess this topic took a bit of a turn... Although, I can share a pretty cool game our couples counselor taught us. It's called SHMILY- see how much I love you- and the object is to write it in unexpected places to remind your partner that you appreciate and love him/her. I once wrote it on the underside of the bill of his baseball hat and it took a friend of his to notice it and ask (HA!). His most creative was taping lettered post-its on each of the ceiling fan blades in the bedroom (i've always loved my naps)... he had to put the L and Y on one blade- it was pretty funny.

Looking forward to reading others' posts,
fischee

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:34 pm

Awesome Fischee, I know about the sex drive thing, I can honestly say that my husband and I fought so much because I wondered why we weren't having sex. Well I started taking an anti depressant 7 months ago and I can say that for the last 4 months my sex drive has gone down. But in the last two weeks my husband has wanted to get intimate and really compassionate. Before I would think to myself "ok lets hurry" but then we had a fight one day and I told him that he doesn't even kiss me anymore when we are being intimate. Now he is trying and it has been awesome for the last two weeks. I think it was the therapy. I don't know, but after he went to his own therapy session, he has been trying and being passionate with me. So yes it gets better. I pray that it stays this way! Good luck.