Crushed

jchick · Post by **jchick** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:03 am

Just found out from my 33 yr old daughter who lives with us that she might be pregnant. She has been in methadone treatment for 2 yrs to deal with rx addiction...in addition to being angry and worried....my spirit is just crushed. I KNOW that she is such a sweet, kind person...and I have so many hopes for her....but I just see her...and her pain and confusion and all I ask is: "What did I do wrong? What did I not teach her as she grew up? Was I that bad of a father? I just feel like my insides have been scooped out. Am trying to listen to the program and do some positive self-talk....but I am just exhausted. Don't know what else to do but pray and try to hang on. Thanks for listening...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:31 am

It is not you. My mother and father have asked themseleves the same questions about my brother for years. He is 36 years old. You have to realize that everyone is an individual and your advice and mentoring only takes them so far, ultimately they are who they are. It is nothing you have done wrong. I have 2 siblings and we could not be any more different. My brother has been in and out of trouble since his teens, has experimented with drugs, sold drugs, is more than likely an alcoholic and I believe is bi-polar or manic depressive. He refuses to get help or to recognize he has a problem. As a parent myself, I know it must be very hard to tell your child no, but sometimes that is what you need to do. Sometimes they need to fall before they can rise. My brother has been coddled all these years and it has left him a selfish, destructive, immature man. Hang in there and give yourself a break, it is not your fault.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:24 am

Hawaii....

Thanks for that. I appreciate it....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 12:23 pm

I'd love to blame my parents for where I am at age 58. But, I am responsible for me, no one else. Maybe part of my problem is due to needs that didn't get met as a child. I think that happens to a lot of people. None of us are perfect at anything. My parents loved me and I knew that, no doubt about it. They did the best they knew how. That's all that anyone can ask. As it turns out they did a lot better with me than I did with my own child.

I am very sorry for what has happened to your daughter. The pain of wanting her to be okay comes from a loving parent. It's probably natural to want to blame yourself, part of the old negative way most of us think. But, she is an adult and responsible for herself. She made these decisions, not you. I don't see blame as being of any good purpose. Sometimes the only way we learn is the hard way.

I hope this evening and tomorrow will be better for you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:11 pm

jchick, I'm sure you are a good father. You did the best you knew how. The best you can do now is be there for her. Now you have the opportunity to be a grandpa. You will be an awesome grandpa because you have a caring heart.