Complete meltdown happening
LovePhob,
I'm not sure about the eating - although ensure sounds good... and be sure to drink lots of water. My problem is exactly opposite - emotional eating. Maybe listen to the relaxation audio, then try to eat?!?
I am soooo with you on the many irons in the fire. After our move, we also did some remodeling on the house we bought... and I knew that we would need to. I really hated the house and only suggested we get it because it was by far the least expensive one for the amount of space, which meant it was a fixer upper. Looking back, I made the decision in fear because we kept our house back home in case we decide to go back. We're renting it out now. I don't suggest going that route. Even if you have to pay for temporary housing yourself for the next couple of months, it's better than getting a home that brings greater anxiety. Of course that's just my opinion.
If I had enough faith in God at the time that we would make it back home when it's His time, then we could have sold the house, and had a wonderful house here. At that point I could have concentrated on being me, losing the anxiety and finding what God's purpose is for me here.
You're not alone in this! I hope and pray you find a good home and that the changes slow down.
I'm not sure about the eating - although ensure sounds good... and be sure to drink lots of water. My problem is exactly opposite - emotional eating. Maybe listen to the relaxation audio, then try to eat?!?
I am soooo with you on the many irons in the fire. After our move, we also did some remodeling on the house we bought... and I knew that we would need to. I really hated the house and only suggested we get it because it was by far the least expensive one for the amount of space, which meant it was a fixer upper. Looking back, I made the decision in fear because we kept our house back home in case we decide to go back. We're renting it out now. I don't suggest going that route. Even if you have to pay for temporary housing yourself for the next couple of months, it's better than getting a home that brings greater anxiety. Of course that's just my opinion.
If I had enough faith in God at the time that we would make it back home when it's His time, then we could have sold the house, and had a wonderful house here. At that point I could have concentrated on being me, losing the anxiety and finding what God's purpose is for me here.
You're not alone in this! I hope and pray you find a good home and that the changes slow down.
-
barbhoward
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:28 pm
Hi Luvphob!
I can certainly relate to not eating during extreme bouts of anxiety. A few years ago I dropped below 100 lbs. (I'm 5'8") and even after returning to my regular weight, never did kick the rumors of an eating disorder at work.
For me, it seems easier to drink something than eat when I'm stressed. Recently I bought a Magic Bullet (what a stupid name!!!) and was thinking of all the different concoctions you can make with it. I use mine in the a.m. and mix a container of yogurt, frozen fruit (I buy frozen strawberries, peaches, tart cherries, raspberries, and blueberries- oh, and I buy fresh bananas, cut them up and freeze them), vanilla soy milk, and vanilla flavored protein mix. I also like to throw in a little flax seed since it's healthy (and you can't taste it).
I've also found that it's easier for me to "graze" rather than eat a full meal- I try and cut up fresh veggies, so they're ready to go when I feel like eating. Hummus is also easy to make and good for you (and, hey, you can make it w/ your new magic bullit!!!).
I know you expressed how overwhemed you feel right now (and do you ever have a right to be... moving/buying a new house is one of life's major stressors), maybe you can look at your new move as an adventure. I'm making a HUGE change this fall (took sabbatical and am going back to school- worried about classwork, $ [I'll be bartending], meeting my own expectations...) and when I expressed my anxiety to my psychologist, he told me to think of it as an adventure and that not many people have the opportunity to do what I'm doing.
It's certainly not the same, and although you have no idea what awaits you- you WILL find a house to make your home and who knows, maybe your future best friend is already living right next door? ;*)
Blessings,
fischee
I can certainly relate to not eating during extreme bouts of anxiety. A few years ago I dropped below 100 lbs. (I'm 5'8") and even after returning to my regular weight, never did kick the rumors of an eating disorder at work.
For me, it seems easier to drink something than eat when I'm stressed. Recently I bought a Magic Bullet (what a stupid name!!!) and was thinking of all the different concoctions you can make with it. I use mine in the a.m. and mix a container of yogurt, frozen fruit (I buy frozen strawberries, peaches, tart cherries, raspberries, and blueberries- oh, and I buy fresh bananas, cut them up and freeze them), vanilla soy milk, and vanilla flavored protein mix. I also like to throw in a little flax seed since it's healthy (and you can't taste it
). I've also found that it's easier for me to "graze" rather than eat a full meal- I try and cut up fresh veggies, so they're ready to go when I feel like eating. Hummus is also easy to make and good for you (and, hey, you can make it w/ your new magic bullit!!!).
I know you expressed how overwhemed you feel right now (and do you ever have a right to be... moving/buying a new house is one of life's major stressors), maybe you can look at your new move as an adventure. I'm making a HUGE change this fall (took sabbatical and am going back to school- worried about classwork, $ [I'll be bartending], meeting my own expectations...) and when I expressed my anxiety to my psychologist, he told me to think of it as an adventure and that not many people have the opportunity to do what I'm doing.
It's certainly not the same, and although you have no idea what awaits you- you WILL find a house to make your home and who knows, maybe your future best friend is already living right next door? ;*)
Blessings,
fischee
Hi fischee -
I do try to look at it as an adventure, but tend to loose my perspective on what's real when I'm in this twisted of a state. I even consider myself a fairly adventurous person. But I think there are deeper "issues" around it that I'm finally starting to notice.
Right now we are in the process of buying a house. I've never bought a house before. When my husband (boyfriend) at the time) moved out of state, he bought his own house and when I moved to be with him 3 months later, I moved into "his" house. I was working a full time corporte job when I went out there and have piles of student loan and credit card debt, so I really didn't contribute to anything finanacially. In all honestly, financial responsibility is never a skill I really mastered. So, I was basically living off of him, and he was fine with it, but it ate at my ego a little. When my job became too un bearable to stay, he suggested I quit. When I finally did quit monhts later, I began my own small craft business and did ok with it. But again, not bringing in enough money to contribute financially. Again, my husband had no problem with this.
Now we're here in a new state, looking at these houses that I would never be able to afford on my own, nor can I contribute any money to, but he can. So one top of all the other stress around moving, now I'm feeling like this new house we are about to buy, still will not be "mine". And similar to my screen name, love phob, which obviously is testament to how much commitment scares the beejeezus out of me, making the commitment to buy the house has the same effect.
I didn't cry yesterday and got to sleep for about three hours last night, up for an hour then down for another 2 or three. I'm anxious and exhausted. But I guess that should be expected? I don't know.
I do try to look at it as an adventure, but tend to loose my perspective on what's real when I'm in this twisted of a state. I even consider myself a fairly adventurous person. But I think there are deeper "issues" around it that I'm finally starting to notice.
Right now we are in the process of buying a house. I've never bought a house before. When my husband (boyfriend) at the time) moved out of state, he bought his own house and when I moved to be with him 3 months later, I moved into "his" house. I was working a full time corporte job when I went out there and have piles of student loan and credit card debt, so I really didn't contribute to anything finanacially. In all honestly, financial responsibility is never a skill I really mastered. So, I was basically living off of him, and he was fine with it, but it ate at my ego a little. When my job became too un bearable to stay, he suggested I quit. When I finally did quit monhts later, I began my own small craft business and did ok with it. But again, not bringing in enough money to contribute financially. Again, my husband had no problem with this.
Now we're here in a new state, looking at these houses that I would never be able to afford on my own, nor can I contribute any money to, but he can. So one top of all the other stress around moving, now I'm feeling like this new house we are about to buy, still will not be "mine". And similar to my screen name, love phob, which obviously is testament to how much commitment scares the beejeezus out of me, making the commitment to buy the house has the same effect.
I didn't cry yesterday and got to sleep for about three hours last night, up for an hour then down for another 2 or three. I'm anxious and exhausted. But I guess that should be expected? I don't know.
LovePhob,
Buying a house can be terrifying. You are buying a house with your husband. The two shall become ONE. When we've been so independent for such a long time, it's difficult to give up control and admit that we would not be able to do certain things on our own.
No longer are you single, though. I am sure that you build your husband up and respect him enough that he is able to make enough money to support you. In turn, he is giving you the freedom to find work that you (hopefully) enjoy (i.e., the crafts).
This is just a different perspective on the whole thing. I hope it helps!
Buying a house can be terrifying. You are buying a house with your husband. The two shall become ONE. When we've been so independent for such a long time, it's difficult to give up control and admit that we would not be able to do certain things on our own.
No longer are you single, though. I am sure that you build your husband up and respect him enough that he is able to make enough money to support you. In turn, he is giving you the freedom to find work that you (hopefully) enjoy (i.e., the crafts).
This is just a different perspective on the whole thing.
I hope it helps!Hi Sunbound -
Yes, your words absolutely help Compassion and common sense, 2 things that never fail I guess the trick is to remember that during these situations.
A funny thing happened yesterday that speaks VOLUMES to the incidiousness of this disorder. My husband and I went to the park for a walk yesterday morning and ran into some of our friends that we haven't seen since we visited last year (if you remeber, we lived here before we moved out of state and just moved back last week). During the conversation which lasted about 1/2 hour, I was so interested in what was going on, when my husband and I started walking again, I said to him, holys**t, I don't feel anxious right now. Then we started talking about getting another dog (our golden is getting old and needs a friend) so we started tossing around puppy names, again, no anxiety, I felt light, and fun. Then we met w/ the realtor again (yeah, 3 days in a row), and while we were at one of the houses, that he had really liked, but I didn't, he was talking w our realtor about what a great house it was, I interjected my opinion stating otherwise, and he actually put his hand up and said "got it", in effect "Shhh"ing me. One tiny episode, that of course he appologized for once he saw how it effected me (and realized how rude it was). And all of my anxiety that I had been without for at least 2 full hours (hey, it's a start) came flooding back. I swear, therapists must have a feild day with me. I'm sure if I looked at myself as a third party, I too would say, geez, you're hilarious with your nonscence? It's almost as if I self impose the anxiety since I really do beleive that I know better.
Oh, I have an idea, you know how celebrities in hollywood hire personal assistance(s), to be their friend every day? Maybe I can hire someone to follow me around every day to smack me upside the head when I start with the usless negitive patterens.
Any volunteers
Yes, your words absolutely help
Compassion and common sense, 2 things that never fail I guess the trick is to remember that during these situations.A funny thing happened yesterday that speaks VOLUMES to the incidiousness of this disorder. My husband and I went to the park for a walk yesterday morning and ran into some of our friends that we haven't seen since we visited last year (if you remeber, we lived here before we moved out of state and just moved back last week). During the conversation which lasted about 1/2 hour, I was so interested in what was going on, when my husband and I started walking again, I said to him, holys**t, I don't feel anxious right now. Then we started talking about getting another dog (our golden is getting old and needs a friend) so we started tossing around puppy names, again, no anxiety, I felt light, and fun. Then we met w/ the realtor again (yeah, 3 days in a row), and while we were at one of the houses, that he had really liked, but I didn't, he was talking w our realtor about what a great house it was, I interjected my opinion stating otherwise, and he actually put his hand up and said "got it", in effect "Shhh"ing me. One tiny episode, that of course he appologized for once he saw how it effected me (and realized how rude it was). And all of my anxiety that I had been without for at least 2 full hours (hey, it's a start) came flooding back. I swear, therapists must have a feild day with me. I'm sure if I looked at myself as a third party, I too would say, geez, you're hilarious with your nonscence? It's almost as if I self impose the anxiety since I really do beleive that I know better.
Oh, I have an idea, you know how celebrities in hollywood hire personal assistance(s), to be their friend every day? Maybe I can hire someone to follow me around every day to smack me upside the head when I start with the usless negitive patterens.
Any volunteers
Luvphob-
It's great to hear you're maintaining your sense of humor- sometimes I think the best form of humor is self-deprecation (within reason, of course!). And, hey, your idea for a p.a. isn't so far out there; I wouldn't mind someone barking at me to motivate my a$$ once in awhile. *grin*
Even though your sense of peace/well-being seemed fleeting and short-lived, snatch on to it with both hands; revel in it; but most importantly, relive each second (images, conversation, senses) when you feel like crap. This has been helpful to me, maybe you can benefit too?
Wow, did sunbound have some great advice!
Keep in touch,
Emily
Hey- I've come to believe that men buy houses and women make them a home (I know, 1950s mentality
).
Maybe look at the financial thing this way: When I was in college, my husband (boyfriend at the time) already had a job and paid for EVERYTHING- even my car insurance!. After graduation, he went back to school while I began my career. Right now, his career is solid, but I've become burnt-out on mine and am going back to school full-time this fall. Scared? VERY!!! I'll be bartending to make extra $ (not exactly stable and dependable but quick and mindless with compatible hours- possibably catharic in letting loose of my aggravation on idiotic drunks- HA!), but it's now or never since we have no children yet and income is important but not essential.
It's great to hear you're maintaining your sense of humor- sometimes I think the best form of humor is self-deprecation (within reason, of course!). And, hey, your idea for a p.a. isn't so far out there; I wouldn't mind someone barking at me to motivate my a$$ once in awhile. *grin*
Even though your sense of peace/well-being seemed fleeting and short-lived, snatch on to it with both hands; revel in it; but most importantly, relive each second (images, conversation, senses) when you feel like crap. This has been helpful to me, maybe you can benefit too?
Wow, did sunbound have some great advice!
Keep in touch,
Emily
Hey- I've come to believe that men buy houses and women make them a home (I know, 1950s mentality
). Maybe look at the financial thing this way: When I was in college, my husband (boyfriend at the time) already had a job and paid for EVERYTHING- even my car insurance!. After graduation, he went back to school while I began my career. Right now, his career is solid, but I've become burnt-out on mine and am going back to school full-time this fall. Scared? VERY!!! I'll be bartending to make extra $ (not exactly stable and dependable but quick and mindless with compatible hours- possibably catharic in letting loose of my aggravation on idiotic drunks- HA!), but it's now or never since we have no children yet and income is important but not essential.
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~*schnauzermom*~
- Posts: 183
- Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2005 9:24 pm
LovePhob,
Your situation sounds similar to someone I know in some ways.
The person I know is a full time stay at home mom. her oldest is 24 and living in her own place and her youngest is 8 and is in public school. She WANTS to work, but her husband says that HE works and SHE stays at home. Well after speaking to her on several occasions she says she is unhappy. Not with her marriage, but her inability to feel as if she is worth something. She WANTS a job Oh so bad. She says she like to do so many things and feels like she is trapped relying on her husband for everything. She says she wants to feel like is a contributor to the household. She wants to have responsibility other than laundry and dusting. She wants to interact with people and not be stuck at home all day looking at the walls. She feel disconnected and feels as if she does not know how to interact with anyone anymore. She feels a complete disconnect with society and life. She keeps asking her husband if she can get a part time job and he just tells her that HE brings home the bacon! She LOVED decorating wedding cakes and would love to go back to do that, but her hubby is old fashion about a woman working.
Maybe like her you need something to feel of value. You used to work and maybe that is what you miss...the responsibility, the interaction, the challenge, the meetings, etc, etc. Some people need that drive. I too miss working. I am a full time student and have no classes in the summer. My husband told me not to get a job over summer otherwise we would not be able to have a vacation around his schedule, which most likely IS true. But I miss the doing things, the challenge, the interaction, the projects, the deadlines...I miss being needed for something other than housework! Plus the paycheck is a VERY nice incentive and helps the household.
Maybe a low stress part time job just to get you out of the house?
I gather from reading your posts that it may be large decisions that are getting you
. You know, those life long permanent decisions that lock you in...then you feel trapped, stuck with no way out? I too was like that but no see that NOTHING need to be permanent and it can even appear to be a mistake in the beginning and can work out to be better than one ever imagined it could be. Sometimes those big decision cause us to feel anxious, but it is an excited anxious because we are happy and maybe cannot believe what is happening to us?
When I went back to college I was TERRIFIED! I do not know of many upper thirty somethings that go back to school. But I faired well and hopefully will finish up May 2009. I never thought I could do it and pull off a 3.95 GPA to boot, but I did. Look back and see the many accomplishments achieved and see that you succeeded. Now look back on the things that did not turn out say great as you would want them too...things REALLY were not sooooo bad, were they? They usually are not. And the best part is we can learn...life is a lesson, we experience various things to learn and grow from.
Your situation sounds similar to someone I know in some ways.
The person I know is a full time stay at home mom. her oldest is 24 and living in her own place and her youngest is 8 and is in public school. She WANTS to work, but her husband says that HE works and SHE stays at home. Well after speaking to her on several occasions she says she is unhappy. Not with her marriage, but her inability to feel as if she is worth something. She WANTS a job Oh so bad. She says she like to do so many things and feels like she is trapped relying on her husband for everything. She says she wants to feel like is a contributor to the household. She wants to have responsibility other than laundry and dusting. She wants to interact with people and not be stuck at home all day looking at the walls. She feel disconnected and feels as if she does not know how to interact with anyone anymore. She feels a complete disconnect with society and life. She keeps asking her husband if she can get a part time job and he just tells her that HE brings home the bacon! She LOVED decorating wedding cakes and would love to go back to do that, but her hubby is old fashion about a woman working.
Maybe like her you need something to feel of value. You used to work and maybe that is what you miss...the responsibility, the interaction, the challenge, the meetings, etc, etc. Some people need that drive. I too miss working. I am a full time student and have no classes in the summer. My husband told me not to get a job over summer otherwise we would not be able to have a vacation around his schedule, which most likely IS true. But I miss the doing things, the challenge, the interaction, the projects, the deadlines...I miss being needed for something other than housework! Plus the paycheck is a VERY nice incentive and helps the household.
Maybe a low stress part time job just to get you out of the house?
I gather from reading your posts that it may be large decisions that are getting you
. You know, those life long permanent decisions that lock you in...then you feel trapped, stuck with no way out? I too was like that but no see that NOTHING need to be permanent and it can even appear to be a mistake in the beginning and can work out to be better than one ever imagined it could be. Sometimes those big decision cause us to feel anxious, but it is an excited anxious because we are happy and maybe cannot believe what is happening to us? When I went back to college I was TERRIFIED! I do not know of many upper thirty somethings that go back to school. But I faired well and hopefully will finish up May 2009. I never thought I could do it and pull off a 3.95 GPA to boot, but I did. Look back and see the many accomplishments achieved and see that you succeeded. Now look back on the things that did not turn out say great as you would want them too...things REALLY were not sooooo bad, were they? They usually are not. And the best part is we can learn...life is a lesson, we experience various things to learn and grow from.
"Afterall, everybody only hears what he understands." by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe