Extreme Anxiety (11 weeks postpartum)

pleasehelp · Post by **pleasehelp** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:28 am

Hello everyone. My name is Cece. I am 24 and have 4 small children, 5, 4, 3 and a 11 week old. I am a single mother, but have been with my partner for 3 years now (our relationship is long-distance, like, out-of-state, long distance). My other children's father was emotionally and physically abusive and I left him immediately after having my third child.

I have a pretty long history of panic attacks; my first being in high school. My last 'episode', lasting maybe a week or two, was back in Aug/Sept of last year, while I was in school fulltime (nursing) and happened right before/after I found out about my last pregnancy. Somehow, I got through it, though I don't know how.

I am sickeningly pre-occupied with my health. I am currently about 75lbs overweight, maybe a bit more, and am just making myself sick with these thoughts of death and dying! I have had a heart ultrasound (last summer), a chest xray (last summer as well), a CT scan (this past week), and other testings like EKGs, etc. Everything has turned out normal, but I just still feel like I am about to have a heart attack and/or stroke out. My father has heart disease (enlarged heart), my grandmother just had to have a triple by-pass, and my SIL's father died of his 4th heart attack last Sept. I eat out pretty often and am just really really scared that I have clogged arteries and am on the verge of a heart attack/stroke. I have had my cholesterol levels taken (last summer) and I guess supposedly my total cholesterol level was 133, which is quite within the normal range. I did not ask of my triglyceride levels though, or my LDL/HDL ratio...which bothers me. It was never mentioned by my doctor.

For the past week, I have had severe panic attacks and physical symptoms. I noticed about a week, week and a half ago maybe, that my face was starting to go numb. Especially my left side. I still have all the motor functions (I can move my face without a problem), but my sensation has decreased. The numbness varies from area to area (sometimes stronger in my jaw, other times stronger by my lips, around my eyes, cheeks, etc.) but there is always some degree of numbness. It has also now stretched to the left side of my neck as well as my left lower arm. I've had chest pains in the left side of my chest as far back as I can remember. They are sharp and painful and feel like my 'heart is cramping'. They go away usually within a few minutes. I do not have a heart murmur or MVP. I also have been having left arm and shoulder pain for quite some time (a year or two). Nothing is wrong from what the doctors can tell (from the tests so far). I know that the symptoms of heart attack are left arm/shoulder pain, chest pain, etc. so I wonder if I could REALLY psych myself out and actually GIVE myself these symptoms without actually having something wrong with me? I also have begun to have left side neck pain...I am a nursing student so I know that the carotid artery runs down the neck and maybe that is causing those pains? I really am not sure.

I feel like I am going crazy.

My panic attacks are just so uncontrollable and severe. I didnt have any until last week (I just recently had a baby in late April). Up until then, I was completely FINE! Everything was going great! Then all of a sudden, I feel my face going numb and I panic. I dunno if the panic is the cause of my numbness or if my numbness is the cause of my panic? I am sure the panic excaberates the numbness...but cannot tell if it is, in itself, the CAUSE of the numbness entirely. Like I said, I had a CT scan of my brain a few nights ago at the E.R., and they did a couple of diagnostic tests to see if I had any other stroke symptoms (I had just learned, actually, the signs of a stroke about 2 weeks ago), and I didnt have any other signs besides the numbness. I was TERRIFIED of going to the ER and actually had to have my MOTHER come to take me. I felt like such a blubbering baby and was quite embarrassed but couldnt help the tears from falling.

I DREAD doing anything now, for fear of setting off another attack. I dont want to eat anything, for fear that something in what I am eating sets it off. Or drink anything. EVEN WATER! I seriously sometimes think that water might even set them off. I am scared now of going out, but then again, paradoxically, I am scared of being in the house, especially alone! I am just a mess.

Right now my kids are at home with me all of the time, so in a way that helps (because I don't want to be alone), but then again it also adds on to my stress and it really isnt the same as having an adult here with me.

I am also pumping exclusively for my baby...and have been since he was born. That means 8-10x a day pumping for 30 minutes, and that doesnt include all of the washing involved in the parts. I've dropped pumps consequently for the past 2 days now because now I am scared that the PUMPING is setting them off! See? I am a mess!

Please anyone...help me. Do you think that all of those physical symptoms are just psycho-somatic? Am I just talking myself into having them? Has anyone else had facial numbness (not just during the panic...I am not talking about the derealization, which I also do have, during a panic attack)? I am just beside myself. :sigh:

Am I the only one who is this crazy????

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:53 am

You are in need of support and guidance but you are in no way in danger. Those symptoms you are feeling are from adrenalin. Adrenalin is a normal thing that occurs with stress. It is not dangerous. It feels terrible but it will not hurt you. You are safe and you must remind yourself of this.

Are you working the program? It will certainly help you through this. You have a lot on your shoulders right now. Can you talk to someone locally for awhile who is familiar with panic attack disorder and obsessive thinking? This would be great to have someone to turn to for a few weeks until you learn the tools to help you through these episodes.

That scare voice you are hearing lies all the time so calm yourself with that. Also practice calm breath. There are a few variations and one is: to breathe in slowly and hold for four and breathe out slowly. Slow your breathing and slow your thoughts and soothe yourself. It's just anxiety. Again, it will not hurt you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:57 am

Hello please help, I am sorry to hear that your anxiety/panic attacks have escalated. You are not crazy. I belive your hormones and body are trying to return to normal after just having a baby.

It sounds from your post that you could be overwhelmed. Do you have a trusted friend that you could confide in or anyone who can help with the children. I imagine you are experiencing some sleep deprivation with having a new baby and the stress of breast feeding and pumping.

Is there anyone who could come over and watch the baby so you could get a good nights sleep. What about speaking with your OB/GYN MD maybe they could refer you someone to talk to and possibly soemthing that may help you to relax, which you might be unable to take due to breast feeding.

After the birth of my first child, I was so overwhelmed and sleep deprived. He was colicky and screamed every hour and 1/2 to be fed.I was tired my anxiety went through the roof.

I tried to breast feed and it was a nightmare. I ended up switching to formula. I felt horrible about it but I just wasn;t able to keep up with his feeding. I spoke with my OB MD who recommended that I speak with someone who specializes in post-partum anxiety/depression.
It helped a little. I was lucky I had a very supportive husband but I was so controlling. I wouldn't let anyonbe near the baby beacsue I was afraid something would happen to him or he'd catch a cold etc.

What really helped me was being able to catch up on my sleep. When I'm exhausted my anxiety is off the charts.

I will say a prayer for you. It may help to know you are not alone.I hope you have the program beacsue it is excellent resource forlearning to manage your stress.

Take care and God Bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:17 am

Thank you both very much. It is sickening just HOW MUCH reassurance I need throughout the day. I am constantly, CONSTANTLY seeking reassurance because I am just so scared that all of the doctors have overlooked some serious underlying medical condition.

I formula-fed my older 3 children, and never thought twice about it. For whatever reason now, I am just obsessed about giving him exclusively breastmilk. I am not able to actually breastfeed because I have issues from past sexual abuse and I am sure the societal views of today do not help much either...so I have to exclusively pump my milk, which is quite draining. Since I've dropped pumps a couple of days ago (from 8-10x to like, 3-5x), Ive become engorged and am now scared that my milk supply will diminish, but then again everytime I hook myself up to the pump, I am scared that I will cause another attack.

I am a hypochondriac, I realize this, but I just can't differentiate my hypochondria from reality. It is just so debilitating. So so debilitating.

I also highly suspect that I have OCD (and have been for the past 10 years or so). I know all too well of those scary intrusive thoughts and just thought I was just CRAZY. Unfortunately, OCD, panic and depression run in my family (my father has OCD, and anger issues, my mother has history of panic and depression).

I also, for whatever reason (could be denial), think that I am not necessarily DEPRESSED, but more-so just extremely anxious. I dont think my main problem is depression (which many in my family has suggested: postpartum depression). I DO cry A LOT lately but only because of the panic attacks! Otherwise, I was completely fine before this all started. It was all out of the blue too. I cry because I am scared I am gonna die...not because I am sad, kwim? Maybe that is still depression...I don't know but it's jsut how I feel.

Everyone wants me on meds too. I am too scared to take the meds. First, I am breastfeeding so I cant take most, if any, anyway. Second, I dont want my body to become RELIANT on these meds, I want to be able to get through this MYSELF (with help, of course). Third, I of course, am scared of any of the possibly side-effects that come along with the medication(s). I have heard that they can alter your personality, and I dont want my PERSONALITY altered. That prospect scares the crap out of me.

Everyone assumes that I have an issue with medication because of the social stigma, but it really isn't that with me. It isnt the stigma that is preventing me from taking the meds (I was prescribed Zoloft 50mg/1x per day at the ER this week); it is the fear and the wish to do things as 'naturally' as possible.

I was looking into buying the program, but I am quite hesitant as it is A LOT of money for me and I dont want to waste it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:48 am

If you are still on-line, please join the on-line general chat room. I think I can help, at least I hope I can.

~Zee~ · Post by **~Zee~** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:32 am

My suggestion for right now - today - do the relaxation audio MULTIPLE TIMES.

Let the thoughts get out of your head and truly give yourself the time. I KNOW it must be difficult to find 15 minutes where the kids don't interrupt, but see if someone can come help with them.

The relaxation audio has been an awesome tool for me.

Order the program - you get 30 days to check it out. If it doesn't work or you don't like it, send it back. If it does (which it will, if you work it) then it is WELL worth the investment.

I was told StressCenter will allow you to make multiple payments and you can set a realistic amount each month over a longer period of time if there is an issue with the monthly cost.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:21 pm

Dear please help
I read a post not long after I responded to your post this afternoon about being kind and not dispensing medical advice when someone is feeling anxious.

I would like to apologize to you if I increased your anxiety or stress in any way as a result of my response. It was never my intention to offer medical advise or diagnosis to you. I was responding to request for help. I have often posted something on the forums and have not received a response to a question /concern. I did not want you feeling like no one cares.

This site is so supportive and there are so many kind and wonderful indivuals here.

I truely was trying to offer words of encouragement and support beacuse I could relate to so much of what you verbalized in your post.

Again my sincerest apologizes if I caused you any additional stress. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care amnd God Bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:37 pm

bna,

No, no, no! Your post did not escalate my anxiety at all. I found it rather soothing.

I actually was paranoid after reading the thread about being kind because *I* thought maybe *I* had posted something wrong. lol

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:57 pm

Pleasehelp
I read your post and I am so sorry you are going thru such a rough time. I truly feel you are fine. Your body has been thru so much just having a baby. It takes some time for everything to balance back out. Our hormones are so out of wack at this time. You will be fine. I had a hard time after having my daughter also, felt I was going crazy too, but that just wasn't so and I know you are not going crazy, these feelings are actually quite common. Please please please order this program.
I have not regretted it a day, it has been the best thing I have done for me and my family. What better thing to invest in then our peace and contentment. I know at this time you feel those things will never come, but I assure you with this program you will be amazed. It does take committment, time and work, but it is all worth it. I don't know where I would be today, had it not been for this amazing program.
I wish you the very best! You hang in there, you are fine, and everything will be ok.
Your Friend
Angla

Dsrtdwllr · Post by **Dsrtdwllr** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:33 pm

Dear Pleasehelp:

You are not alone. You sound like you are going though the exact kind of extreme anxiety that I had after I had my son 2 years ago. It started 5 weeks postpartum. I was obsessed with my health, with my babys health, and was having panic attacks literally all day long. And yes, those symptoms you are having with the pain in the arm and numbness can be caused by anxiety. I have had the pain in the arm and the chest pain and have heard of others with the numbness.

I want to tell you that I know this program is expensive, but it saved my life. When I started to have postpartum anxiety I went to my OBGYN, Psychitrist, and family Dr. All they could do for me was give me drugs. I quit breastfeeding (which helped to relieve alot of stress at night) so I could take meds. I even checked myself into the psych hospital and all they did was drugs too. Well I couldn't take the drugs. They made me worse, to the point that even the psychitrist said I am one of the people who can't take them. I'm not telling you to scare you, but to reassure you that if you don't want to take medication there is a way to get over this disorder without meds.

So for 8 months I got worse and worse. I became unable to take care of my baby. My husband had to make the decision to put our son in daycare because I couldn't deal, I was that bad. I would go to work with my husband and sit in the car. I was terrified to be alone. We didn't know what to do. Then he heard an ad on the radio for this program and he ordered the free informational tape. After listening to it we decided to try it. Oh, and I was seeing a shrink but it was not really helping that much. So we got the program and it really was my last hope. I started to do it and little by little I got better. Within a few months I was back to work, taking care of my son on my days off, and even flying alone with the baby to see my family across country. Now 18 months later I am living a great life, have a great new job, and just doing amazing.

This progam was my answer and it was worth every penny. And no, I don't work for Lucinda, I am just a person who got over this and you can too. Please feel free to Private Message me anytime. No mother should have to go through this alone. I know how you feel, what its like to have obsessive thoughts, and to not know how to make it stop. There are lots of women out there who know how you feel because we have been there. You will get better.

Your friend,
Rose