want my old self,
thank you sooo much! that information was great! i dont feel so weird now. i will try everything u suggested and hopefully it will be an end to those thoughts! thank you again, your post really helped! and thnak you to everyone else that posted too. i really appruciate it!
ocd thoughts ra escaring the crap out of me!
I can totally relate to these thoughts! I've been afraid to say anything to anyone, or even in the forum. For the most part I've been ok, but watching the news reports on this killer at Virginia Tech, it started all over again. I'm getting scared that maybe I'm capable of something like this. I know that I'm not, but that little niggling fear just gets in there. It's getting so that if I'm at work, and a story comes on about that sick man comes on, or I happening to be going through channels and it comes on, I get this nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach. I start thinking scary thoughts and feel like I'm going nuts. My first panic attack, I had thoughts that I was going to hurt my boyfriend. It scared the living hell out of me! I love my boyfriend and I just wanted those thoughts to stop. They did, but it still scares me sometimes that I could have that thought. What if I hurt someone I love? I don't want to see myself capable of that. I'm not, it's just this d**n anxiety and I wish it would go away for good. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one to have these feelings, don't get me wrong, I don't wish these feelings on anyone, but it's still helps to know I'm not alone. Ya know? I think a lot of it is that some of us hear these stories on the news, and are disgusted by them. We try to understand how this could happen, how anyone could do this?! Then it backfires and we turn it on ourselves, "maybe I'm capable of this". We know that we're not, but we just keep obsessing on that same thought. We all have a vivid imagine like Lucinda says, we're just going to have to learn how to focus on good ideas. Easier said than done, I know. I hope that you feel better soon. You are not alone!!!!
Tracy
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GardenFairy
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 5:04 am
Hi godsbabygirl and all the others,
I also can relate to that!! Isn´t that crazy, I live in Germany and have similar thoughts, used to think I´m the only person in the world who´s suffering from that?
I think even though everyone has different thought patterns, they all have similar causes.
My Mum is suffering from cancer, so wouldn´t it be normal if I was afraid of getting cancer, too (I´m 42)?
Well, you are 22 and I think your body is still working without complaining, so you don´t have obsessive thoughts about sickness.
Older people who have their health problems (or simply know more people who are seriously ill!) have this form of obsessive thoughts.
I realized that the symptoms of anxiety change from time to time. When my "anxiety career" started, I felt threatended by all things that came from the OUTSIDE. While learning to cope with that, the anxiety changed.
As a Christian and a sensitive person, I also got panic when I watched the news and heard about destruction, crime, abuse, drugs, murder, rape, floods, hurricanes, terrorism, war and all that... to know about theses things spoiled my ability to enjoy life. How could I go on living when that happened to millions of other people?? How could I gon on living if it happened to ME??? or my loved ones???? What if I would be capable to do those things, too???
Meanwhile I also have these thoughts of going crazy, loosing my sanity, doing or saying bad or ridicoulous things in front of others or harming my child or jumping out of the window or killing my pets with a knife when I make a salad or driving against a tree and stuff like that.
I laughed when I read the example: "being afraid of turning into a frog..." which is as stupid as my own thoughts, but when it scares you, it scares you...!
Me, for example: I always knew I wasn´t seriously ill when I had weird body symptoms, but still it scared to death because I knew I had to function, because I´m a single Mum and I need my job (where nobody knows about my anxiety disorder)!
I don´t know why I have these thoughts, but I found out that they hunt me mainly when I´m exhausted, physically tired, or when I´m emotionally overwhelmed, when things happen that have an impact of my life but I can´t control them...
Is there something in your life that scares you, concerning your family, friends, your lover, your education? Sometimes our fears are a projection of things that REALLY bother us in our lifes, and we don´t have control and don´t dare to face them...
Please excuse my mistakes, English isn´t my mother tongue....
Sue
I also can relate to that!! Isn´t that crazy, I live in Germany and have similar thoughts, used to think I´m the only person in the world who´s suffering from that?
I think even though everyone has different thought patterns, they all have similar causes.
My Mum is suffering from cancer, so wouldn´t it be normal if I was afraid of getting cancer, too (I´m 42)?
Well, you are 22 and I think your body is still working without complaining, so you don´t have obsessive thoughts about sickness.
Older people who have their health problems (or simply know more people who are seriously ill!) have this form of obsessive thoughts.
I realized that the symptoms of anxiety change from time to time. When my "anxiety career" started, I felt threatended by all things that came from the OUTSIDE. While learning to cope with that, the anxiety changed.
As a Christian and a sensitive person, I also got panic when I watched the news and heard about destruction, crime, abuse, drugs, murder, rape, floods, hurricanes, terrorism, war and all that... to know about theses things spoiled my ability to enjoy life. How could I go on living when that happened to millions of other people?? How could I gon on living if it happened to ME??? or my loved ones???? What if I would be capable to do those things, too???
Meanwhile I also have these thoughts of going crazy, loosing my sanity, doing or saying bad or ridicoulous things in front of others or harming my child or jumping out of the window or killing my pets with a knife when I make a salad or driving against a tree and stuff like that.
I laughed when I read the example: "being afraid of turning into a frog..." which is as stupid as my own thoughts, but when it scares you, it scares you...!
Me, for example: I always knew I wasn´t seriously ill when I had weird body symptoms, but still it scared to death because I knew I had to function, because I´m a single Mum and I need my job (where nobody knows about my anxiety disorder)!
I don´t know why I have these thoughts, but I found out that they hunt me mainly when I´m exhausted, physically tired, or when I´m emotionally overwhelmed, when things happen that have an impact of my life but I can´t control them...
Is there something in your life that scares you, concerning your family, friends, your lover, your education? Sometimes our fears are a projection of things that REALLY bother us in our lifes, and we don´t have control and don´t dare to face them...
Please excuse my mistakes, English isn´t my mother tongue....
Sue
Hi Fairy,
I think with anxiety sufferers like us it's all about control. If we feel we can't control it, then it freaks us out. When you are tired and overwhelmed the symptoms are exacerbated. I'm 45 and I feel the same way that you do about health. I've been doing better since I started the program, but it's still there in the back of my mind. Remember it's just anxiety that is causing these symptoms. Do you have the program?
I think with anxiety sufferers like us it's all about control. If we feel we can't control it, then it freaks us out. When you are tired and overwhelmed the symptoms are exacerbated. I'm 45 and I feel the same way that you do about health. I've been doing better since I started the program, but it's still there in the back of my mind. Remember it's just anxiety that is causing these symptoms. Do you have the program?
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**Its a New Day**
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Wed Feb 16, 2005 2:00 am
Babygirl,
I have been where you are.I have had every scary thought you can think of. The one that was the absolute worst was one day out of the blue I thought I could lose control and hurt or kill my kids, alot of that was on the news at the time. I freaked out so bad, I bought this program and went on meds for 5 weeks to get myself under control. I could not be home alone or function, looking at my kids scared me, which made me feel like a bad parent. The program taught me to look it in the eye so to speak and face it which scared me very badly, but after doing it for a while, it started to fade. I have had thoughts about "what if" I am a pedophile when I have seen that on TV, I have had thoughts about "what if" I go crazy and kill a bunch of people, when I see that in the news. The thing is "spikes" happen ahen we are tired or stressed and hear about something disturbing, our mind latches onto it and tries to occupy itself that way. It takes alot of time and practice but you can overcome it by re-focusing EVEYTIME you get the thought even if it is every minute for a while, and stay away from the news while you are learning to handle things. I still avoid CSI, and shows like it that have to do with murder and death. I hope this helps.
Chrystal
I have been where you are.I have had every scary thought you can think of. The one that was the absolute worst was one day out of the blue I thought I could lose control and hurt or kill my kids, alot of that was on the news at the time. I freaked out so bad, I bought this program and went on meds for 5 weeks to get myself under control. I could not be home alone or function, looking at my kids scared me, which made me feel like a bad parent. The program taught me to look it in the eye so to speak and face it which scared me very badly, but after doing it for a while, it started to fade. I have had thoughts about "what if" I am a pedophile when I have seen that on TV, I have had thoughts about "what if" I go crazy and kill a bunch of people, when I see that in the news. The thing is "spikes" happen ahen we are tired or stressed and hear about something disturbing, our mind latches onto it and tries to occupy itself that way. It takes alot of time and practice but you can overcome it by re-focusing EVEYTIME you get the thought even if it is every minute for a while, and stay away from the news while you are learning to handle things. I still avoid CSI, and shows like it that have to do with murder and death. I hope this helps.
Chrystal
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GardenFairy
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 5:04 am
Dear Teri61,
no, I don´t have the program, but I think I couldn´t afford it (and I dont know if it would work for me as well as for you because it is in English!)I just read the book of Lucinda in German.
There were times when I was much better, but anxiety has come back into my life... Not a single day without anxiety and panic or painful thoughts. Today I went jogging which mostly helps to clear my mind, but when I was in the kitchen with a knife in my hand, cutting a melon, my daughter asked me something, suddenly panic flooded through my mind and body and I was afraid I could hurt her....WHY????
I think I know why it has become so bad again, I´m overwhelmed by all the circumstances in my life.
I quitted my marriage a few months ago, I have been to a lawyer recently, been to my gynecologist for an Aids-Test (no result yet), and I have to take care of our daughter alone because her dad is in Switzerland. She is in puberty and angry at me because I left her father. I have a part time job where nobody knows about my disorder and my co-worker sometimes gives me a hard time because I´m not perfect... I need that job, I have debts, I ´m ashamed of it and it steals my sleep. I wish I would be financially independent of my ex.
My Mum is suffering from cancer.
Did I forget anything that puts pressure on my life?
Oh yes: there is a new man in my life, he is wonderful, he´s in love with me and accepts all the difficulties in my life. Everything works out fine and I feel great with him (something I haven´t had for years!), but I´m afraid that I could be wrong to be together with him. As I mentioned, I´m a Christian and already had a hard time in my church because I left my husband... Today I told a friend from church about that, and she said: "Oh, wait until the pastor gets to know about your new love...!"
Well...is it any wonder why I feel guilty and afraid?
no, I don´t have the program, but I think I couldn´t afford it (and I dont know if it would work for me as well as for you because it is in English!)I just read the book of Lucinda in German.
There were times when I was much better, but anxiety has come back into my life... Not a single day without anxiety and panic or painful thoughts. Today I went jogging which mostly helps to clear my mind, but when I was in the kitchen with a knife in my hand, cutting a melon, my daughter asked me something, suddenly panic flooded through my mind and body and I was afraid I could hurt her....WHY????
I think I know why it has become so bad again, I´m overwhelmed by all the circumstances in my life.
I quitted my marriage a few months ago, I have been to a lawyer recently, been to my gynecologist for an Aids-Test (no result yet), and I have to take care of our daughter alone because her dad is in Switzerland. She is in puberty and angry at me because I left her father. I have a part time job where nobody knows about my disorder and my co-worker sometimes gives me a hard time because I´m not perfect... I need that job, I have debts, I ´m ashamed of it and it steals my sleep. I wish I would be financially independent of my ex.
My Mum is suffering from cancer.
Did I forget anything that puts pressure on my life?
Oh yes: there is a new man in my life, he is wonderful, he´s in love with me and accepts all the difficulties in my life. Everything works out fine and I feel great with him (something I haven´t had for years!), but I´m afraid that I could be wrong to be together with him. As I mentioned, I´m a Christian and already had a hard time in my church because I left my husband... Today I told a friend from church about that, and she said: "Oh, wait until the pastor gets to know about your new love...!"
Well...is it any wonder why I feel guilty and afraid?
Dear Fairy,
You have a lot on your plate. Amxiety definitely gets worse when we have alot of stress in our lives. I understand about the program, but what about finding a therapist that can help you. Hospitals in the USA usually have clinics and you pay according to what you can afford. Is there anything there like that for you? I think you need to speak to someone. You cannot keep this all inside.
You have a lot on your plate. Amxiety definitely gets worse when we have alot of stress in our lives. I understand about the program, but what about finding a therapist that can help you. Hospitals in the USA usually have clinics and you pay according to what you can afford. Is there anything there like that for you? I think you need to speak to someone. You cannot keep this all inside.
Oh my G-d! I cannot believe you wrote that! I've had the same thoughts and I have been petrified of them. I am so happy that I read your note and that I am on here. I have been contemplating trying to have a baby but I am so scared that I will always be anxious because of the thoughts. I barely like to kill ants and i am such a good person but sometimes the thoughts just get to me and I start to doubt myself. Thank you so much for sharing and helping me start to heal because I see that there are others with these thoughts. For so long I thought I was alone.
Hi wantmyoldself,
thank you so much for your understanding note with advice that you posted. I really appreciate it! Thank you for addressing two of the intrusive thoughts i've had for so long and that affect everything i do or don't do everyday! it really helps to hear from people like you and godsbabygirl and TC1972, etc.
you are all awesome!
thank you so much for your understanding note with advice that you posted. I really appreciate it! Thank you for addressing two of the intrusive thoughts i've had for so long and that affect everything i do or don't do everyday! it really helps to hear from people like you and godsbabygirl and TC1972, etc.
you are all awesome!
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Guest
Dear Gardenfairy from Germany:
Your "friend" from chuch doesn't sound too friendly. The trouble with some Christians is that they get so judgemental. I am a christian
so I can say that.
Also some folk just love to have other folks sorrows and troubles to talk about.
I don't have any advice for you but I can say that I care and I'm so sorry you are under so much pressure.
I wish you the very best! I hope you find a release soon.
I will say a prayer for you.
And bless you!
MaryJane
Your "friend" from chuch doesn't sound too friendly. The trouble with some Christians is that they get so judgemental. I am a christian
so I can say that.
Also some folk just love to have other folks sorrows and troubles to talk about.
I don't have any advice for you but I can say that I care and I'm so sorry you are under so much pressure.
I wish you the very best! I hope you find a release soon.
I will say a prayer for you.
And bless you!
MaryJane