Walking down a broken path and seem to have lost my way...

ali85 · Post by **ali85** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:05 pm

It's 3:30am. i am up on the computer googling heart palpitations, anxiety, how to be happy etc. I give the best advice and when it comes to myself. i havent got a clue. I just recently switched jobs. I am working at a hospital (7pm-7am) putting in orders for the doctors and nurses. I have always dreamt of working in a hospital! Now that i'm working there i am making myself crazy!! I work in the ER. We constantly see people come in with chest pain, palpitations etc. GREAT. I obsess about my heart... Either its beating too fast, too slow, or I get occasion double beats. I think working the night shift is also taking a toll on my mind and body. The other night while getting ready for work... I felt extremely hot, couldnt breathe and my pulse was out of control. I had my boyfriend take me to work... I figured by the time i got there my feelings of anxiety would have subsided. Negative. While talking to a friend of mine i burst into tears and immediatly she took me to see the triage nurse. My blood pressure was at 194/141... They ended up admitting me and did a chest pain protocal (blood work, ekg, chest x-ray) to make sure i wasnt having a heartattack. HEELLLOO i'm 22 years old... Have my fears become reality?? is all i could think about. 6 hours later... My testS checked out fine. Come to find out i had taken some cold medicine earlier that raised my blood pressure. I felt extremely hot, couldnt catch my breath and i panicked! THEY TOLD ME I WAS FINE AND HEALTHY. I didnt believe them. I ended up seeing my primary the next day. He did another EKG and once again he told me i was fine, healthy, HEALTHIER THAN SUPERWOMAN (whatever that means lol). Here i am constantly checking my pulse, having my boyfriend check my pulse.I am checking everyone else's pulse... WHHHYYY?? because i've lost it. lol. My Dr. gaave me prescription for xanax and a beta blocker. I think i'm going to fill it and try it out. My dad constantly tells me, "Worrying about having a heartattack wont stop it. If your going to have a heartattack it will happen and there is nothing you can do about it...SO STOP WORRYING!!", thanks dad! Today i woke up fine, but while getting dressed my heart happened to do a couple double beats... which freaked me out and i've been obsessing all day. I keep thinking it might happen again and what if it becomes permanent. I've lost 7lbs in the past week from not wanting to eat becaise i have made myself a nervous wreck. I'm ready to start a new life free of anxiety, phobias etc... It just seems like it is easier said than done.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 12:53 am

Hi there girly =) I am sorry to hear you are up so early. Anxiety sucks, but, it does not have to be a life sentance by any means.

I have anxiety and a form of OCD called pure O.
I also have a heart problem called SVT. I am on heart pills, Bispropal, to control my heart rate, as at times it is very fast.

I would listen to dad and the doctors on this one. The more you think about what is going on with your heart you are training your brain to always be on the "lookout" for any heart beat.

Try and breathe and when your heart acts up just say" well, okay whatever, my heart is racing and I am not dying, so screw you" LOL!

I know it sounds silly, but do you know how many times a day I tell my thoughts to go screw themselves? LOL!! :p

You will be fine, you are so young too. I am almost 34, have been going through this anxirty deal since I was 20. Hang in there girl and I will say a prayer for you <3

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 1:09 am

Hey Ali, believe it or not, I can relate with what you are feeling. Oh, by the way, I think I'm walking down the same path

But keep up with the sessions, I am confident that there is a road map in there that will show the way out. What session are you on? You are right, a life free of these phobias is easier said than done, but then again, everything is. Remember, Ali85, you are the cause of your anxiety and phobia. Not your job (even though you work in a hospital with ill people all around you reminding you of what could go wrong), your boyfriend, dad, or anything else. You created this. But that means you can un-create and beat this! I know that I am the cause of my anxiety. this gives me hope because it also means that I am the key to this as well. You are 22 yrs old, you are excited about your job and I'm sure you have a lot of other things going for you. Dont give up anymore of your life to this. Stay committed to the sessions - do not skip any or procrastinate. I am looking forward to a life free of my anxiety. I know I can acheive this, and I know you can too.
Eric

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jun 07, 2008 1:22 am

Hi
I am a nurse and work in an ER and it is a stressful place...I think many people who work in ERs struggle with anxiety...it is about the adrenaline rush...the desire to be successful in saving someone's life and having high expectations of yourself. You are probably very analytical and I am sure smart as ever...You are going to succeed. Remember that!
I am new to this forum and am learning about ways to deal with all of this. I am sorry I don't have any advice for you...only that those who struggle with it will get through it one way or the other.
Hang in there!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:00 pm

I can relate to this big time.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 3:35 pm

This was a good read for me, nice to see someone can relate.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 16, 2008 12:16 am

It is hard to eat when anxious, have you tried Ensure drinks, smoothies, etc?