Is calmness boring?

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 3:43 am

I was curious if anyone here who has seen a significant improvement in themselves been told by other people that they had lost their pizazz because they weren't playing the drama queen anymore? Do we need to find new friends due to the fact we no longer relate to the ones who were also high on the anxiety ladder? Do we need to find calmer friends?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:13 am

Hi Mary

I think we definitely may need to pick and choose
our friends more carefully. I know I try to stay away from high drama people as they just stir up more anxiety in myself. I try to avoid these types of people. & if someone told me that I lost pizazz because I was no longer dramatic then that person is definitely shouldn't be a friend of mine.

Calmness is not boring. You don't need high drama to be passionate and excited about life.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:34 am

Mary,

As you heal you may find that your friends, aquaintances and even family members stay where they are. Sometimes they take our example and change themselves. Often, tho, they do not (at least not until they are ready.) They will judge your change and put you down to try to keep you right where THEY are. (This is a great example of your own scare voice you may experience. It tries to keep you stuck. It tries to keep you from changing because it feels threatened. So do your friends.)

At this point you are at a crossroads. You can cater to them or you can move on and find healthier friends. It's up to you. When you begin to change for the better it feels good to let go of the "old". You have to take care of yourself. No one else will do that for you.

I'd like to add, Mary, that calmness is peaceful. In no way is it boring. It's a relief to what we have experienced in the past for so many years. Your old friends may find you boring but do you want to be the life of the party or would you rather have peace? You choose.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:43 am

Boon--you are so correct. And like DebDeb said, if they are critical, then perhaps they weren't much a friend to begin with, sorta like a Fair Weather Friend. True friends will try to understand and re-adjust. You will probably find you don't have much in common with some of the people also, and that's okay. The only thing constant in life is change--and God's love.

Peace to the changing you on this precious present day!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 6:24 am

DebDeb, Boon, farmchick - Thanks to all for the reality check here. I don't feel boring because of my calmness inside but I was starting to wonder if that's how other people were seeing me. (more work here to do on worrying what other people think of me I guess).
Yes, it was my scare voice trying to keep me stuck! Thanks for the eye opener.
Yes, I am finding that I don't seem to have as much in common with some of these people anymore and will tell myself it is OK.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 6:41 am

Hi Mary:
I so agree with Boon.
I choose peace!
Have a great day!
Mary Jane

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 6:47 am

This makes so much sense to me too! If calmness is boring I want to be boring.

But one thing I am working on is being more FUN. Just carefree and able to play with my kids and my husband. I feel that I've been so uptight and I want to stop that. I have to make myself let loose and play at times but once I get in the moment it feels so good!

I was playing in the pool with my daughter last night in our neighborhood. Water isn't my favorite thing but the look on her face when I challenged her to an underwater race was worth it. (I get cold when I get wet)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 7:01 am

It amazes me how great this resistance to change is and how it crops up without you even realizing it. It's sneaky!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 7:31 am

I found out most of my friends tend to be more negative so I was that way too! Now I look for more positive people to be around & what a difference. Some of my old friends now like being around me more cuz I bring them positive energy. Yes, you will lose friends (but true friends will stay with you) & you will gain new , positive friends! You are not boring, just may be outgrowing some of these people!It's all okay cuz we are all trying to do the best we can. Always be yourself! Hang in there, you'll see!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:41 am

I don't really have a lot of friends. I have one very good friend, to the point we consider ourselves sisters, and her mom introduces me to people as her other daughter. This friend suffers from clinical depression. She is on meds for it. She doesn't like leaving her house (though she does when needed). As a result, she has a hard time holding a job(other health issues contribute), and she often has barely enough money for food. She can be a very negative person. Some of her negativity comes from her (proven many times over) psychic ability to know when something very bad is going to happen somewhere, or to know when someone close to her or someone she knows is going to die soon. She will feel these events weeks before they occur. Her biggest depression comes from the fact that while she will feel these things, she isn't able to tune in to who or what specifically and that bothers her. She senses all the badness in people when she goes out, so she stays in as much as possible. My point here is, I would never want to lose her as a friend. She looks to me for positive energy and the only one she has ever been able to talk to. My hope is that as I go through this program, I'll be able to help her more. Even if just by example. (I've made her copies of the workbooks and CDs but I don't know if she's bothered to try them yet). I don't want to grow away from her, but with her. And I don't want to lose the fun I have all by myself either. I have a VERY vivid imagination, that I know doesn't help my anxiety, but I still don't want to lose as I have a lot of fun with it too. I hope I don't get boring. That's one thing I've never been.