I know when my anxiety was very bad, I enjoyed reading about others who had successfully 'lived' through one of their worst fears, because I knew it had to be possible. As a person who is very prone to anxiety and that really fun (sarcasm) trait of having to feel in control at all times, controlling my coming and goings, etc, I am extremely terrified (one of my WORST fears) of tornadoes and severe thunderstorms, especially if I am at work or in a public place. I'm sure many of you can relate to this fear. Not only are there many unknowns and fears over "what if?" there is also that lovely loss of control feeling where you cannot leave and you aren't in your "safe place". I've been very good about becoming my safe person and feeling safe being myself where I am, but it's hard.
Saturday I am at work. I work at Best Buy on the sales floor. I heard the forecast predicted rain, maybe a few light storms, etc. It was sunny, blue sky, big white fluffy clouds. It was beautiful out, but very humid and hot. I worked a 9 hour shift, 12-9, which was fine. 5:30 rolls around and I notice that people are going outside and pointing at the sky. My heart skipped a beat and I felt a little flash of fear, but I was thinking to myself, alright, let's not get upset over nothing. So I decided to go out there too and see what everybody was looking at and gasping over. I step outside and worst fear confirmed, the sky to the north was COMPLETELY black/green and the clouds were VERY low to the ground, you could actually SEE a tunnel forming. My heart starts to pound. I'm thinking, ok I've got my keys, if I went home now I could beat the storm. I go up to my manager, trying to slow my breathing, and I tell him that I am deathly afraid of storms and he's like, "Okay, go sit down in the break room and get some water." What was I thinking he would say? "Oh okay Kari, go home now before the storm hits in 5 seconds!" So I pace around, my thoughts RACING. I can hear the thunder, and then I hear the tornado sirens go off.
I heard someone who suffered with anxiety once say, that the tornado sirens going off were an instant panic attack for them. That is how I feel, but considering how good I've been feeling lately, despite the occasional light anxiety and feelings of unreality, I didn't immediately panic. The general manager of the store, Jocelyn, who is the NICEST lady in the entire world, starts yelling for everybody to get in the break room (even customers) So now I'm thinking, great, I am stuck here, they're absolutely not going to let me leave, and I'm going to have to sit in a tiny room with EVERYBODY I work with AND all of the customers. Can you even imagine at that point what is going through my mind? And actually, you are all probably relating with me seeing as you are fellow sufferers or recovered from anxiety. Most people would think it was absolutely insane that I still wanted to go home, in the storm, with the sirens going off, but I did. And I know that everyone here will relate to that and fully understand. So anyways, everyone is filing into the tiny break room, and I am still pacing around, starting to cry at this point. (Which is absolutely horrifying, but when I have bad anxiety episodes, I cry) The general manager comes up to me, very concerned, and I am telling her as I gasp, that I am terrified of tornadoes.
I am lucky enough to actually work WITH my roommate, Ashley. A girl I work with, Carrie, (who knows me well and knows all about my anxiety) saw me white as a ghost talking with the general manager as I was crying, and she goes to Ashley, my roomie, "Ashley... Kari needs you, NOW!!" Ashley comes over to me and we all go into a small room, where eventually I calmed down. I wouldn't call it a panic attack, but it was definitely a STRONG "episode" of anxiety related to the storm and tornado. So we're in the room, the roof of the building is made of tin, and the rain and hail was so loud, I couldn't even hear anybody talking. I just kept doing my breathing and tried to think about other things besides wanting to run out of the building.
15 minutes pass by, and we get the all clear to come out. It took me at least 2 hours to register that I actually LIVED THROUGH a fear that I thought I would absolutely die and crumble apart if I ever had to endure it. The weekend prior, there was a tornado near my work (I work 20 minutes away from where I live) and my friends at work were text messaging me to tell me they were all in the break room, because I had that day off. I was NERVOUS and ANXIOUS just thinking about being in that situation and if someone would have said, "hey, Kari, next Saturday, it's going to happen when you're at work..." I honestly would have been very anxious over it all week and I would have dreaded it, I probably would have found a way to go home before it happened or I would have called in sick. That is how DEATHLY afraid I am of tornadoes and severe storms. I am really glad that it happened actually, because just knowing that I am capable of living through that, despite the mini emotional episode I had when it happened, it makes me feel so much better to say "ok it wasn't that fun, but I lived through it and I can live through it again!"
I just wanted to share this with you guys, because your worst fear is never as bad as you imagine it being and I am living proof of that.
I lived through one of my worst fears.
hugs&kisses,
Karilynn
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert
"How you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. And, so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one big test followed by one big lesson. In the end, it all comes down to one word: grace. It's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, darkness and the light."
Karilynn
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert
"How you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. And, so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one big test followed by one big lesson. In the end, it all comes down to one word: grace. It's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, darkness and the light."
Congratulations! It isn't about not feeling discomfort. It's about how we handle the discomfort and even tho you had some anxiety (who wouldn't!!!) you handled it all very, very well.
Life is not about comfort. It is about living.
Great job.....
Life is not about comfort. It is about living.
Great job.....
Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.
~John F. Kennedy
~John F. Kennedy
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Guest
Hi Karilynn,
I don't even have adequate words to express how riveted I was reading your account of the horrific storm, and how blown-away (no pun intended!)I was by how well you faced yor worst fear. It is an INCREDIBLE story! Tornadoes/severe storms are one of my worst nightmares, too, and even though I don't live in a part of the country which is prone to tornadoes, I have always thought that they were beyond terrifying.
Thank you so much for your generosity of heart in sharing this most compelling story. It gives all of us hope that we, too, can face our worst fears and come out on the other side, all the stronger for it.
The extraordinary character of many of the people who share their lives on this forum never ceases to amaze me.
God bless.
I don't even have adequate words to express how riveted I was reading your account of the horrific storm, and how blown-away (no pun intended!)I was by how well you faced yor worst fear. It is an INCREDIBLE story! Tornadoes/severe storms are one of my worst nightmares, too, and even though I don't live in a part of the country which is prone to tornadoes, I have always thought that they were beyond terrifying.
Thank you so much for your generosity of heart in sharing this most compelling story. It gives all of us hope that we, too, can face our worst fears and come out on the other side, all the stronger for it.
The extraordinary character of many of the people who share their lives on this forum never ceases to amaze me.
God bless.
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Guest
Karilynn, Congratulations!!! You are Living Proof that you are stronger than any fear that may cross your mind. You have done this well, this time... On your next challenge, you can use this experience to lessen the effect of your worst fears. I'm sure, someday soon, you will be comforting and supporting your Friends with something that makes them uneasy! Good for you, Karilynn, on making those fears just a little smaller. You truly are a newer you, a newer life, a newer way of being. Keep up with your Positive Work... Thanks for sharing, Steve
Karilyn I'm so glad you are ok. It must hve been very terrifying to have experienced that. You should be so proud of yourself-confronting one of your worse fears, and Thank God, being ok. That was a huge accomplishment. Take care and God Bless
"If you want it, you got it... you just have to believe....believe in yourself" Lenny Kravitz
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Guest
Congratulatons, Karilynn! You dealt with a very real threat and made it through! How awesome is that?
The worst thing you could have done was try and go home. A car is not a "safe" place to be in a tornado. On April 10, 1979, I was working in my office. At about 5:15pm the tornado sirens went off. I never paid attention to them because I had never been in a tornado and sirens had gone off many times before and nothing happened, so I reasoned the same thing again. This is dumb, but it's how I was thinking. A few minutes later I decided to go home. I had planned on working later, but I thought that I'd leave the work for the next day. The tornado sirens were the last thing on my mind. I arrived at my apartment. My wife and I were talking to neighbors outside our apartment complex for 10 or 15 minutes before we noticed ominous clouds. We watched a tornado form at the athletic stadium which was about 1.5 to 2 miles away. When we saw it take off, so did we, in our car. We avoided it thank goodness, but many people in their cars did not and were killed. A ditch in the road is actually safer than being in a car. Just try and keep that in mind the next time, if there is one. The building you were in was a lot safer than what you wanted to do. My office's roof was gone the next day and my company's offices were trashed and we all had to move to another locaton. It was a mess for over a year. Here's the link about the 1979 tornado. Over half of those killed were in cars. I suggest reading this article to learn where to take cover, if your anxiety will allow it. It could save your life or someone elses. But, on the other hand, it could reinforce fears. I warn anyone that it is a scary one to read for someone with anxiety/panic and a fear of storms.
The jist of the article is that a car is the worst place to be. Inside your home, in the middle of it where it is structurally the strongest in wind is the best if you don't have a storm shelter or can't get to one, preferably in a closet or bathtub with something over you in the tub. Don't open windows in the home. This can cause the roof to blow off easier than if the windows are closed. And if you happen to be in a car, take cover in a ditch or depression in the ground. That is safer than being in the car.
Congrats on making it through. I'm very glad to hear that you and all the rest were not injured.
<A HREF="http://www.usatoday.com/weather/resourc ... nado_x.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.usatoday.com/weather/resourc ... o_x.htm</A>
The worst thing you could have done was try and go home. A car is not a "safe" place to be in a tornado. On April 10, 1979, I was working in my office. At about 5:15pm the tornado sirens went off. I never paid attention to them because I had never been in a tornado and sirens had gone off many times before and nothing happened, so I reasoned the same thing again. This is dumb, but it's how I was thinking. A few minutes later I decided to go home. I had planned on working later, but I thought that I'd leave the work for the next day. The tornado sirens were the last thing on my mind. I arrived at my apartment. My wife and I were talking to neighbors outside our apartment complex for 10 or 15 minutes before we noticed ominous clouds. We watched a tornado form at the athletic stadium which was about 1.5 to 2 miles away. When we saw it take off, so did we, in our car. We avoided it thank goodness, but many people in their cars did not and were killed. A ditch in the road is actually safer than being in a car. Just try and keep that in mind the next time, if there is one. The building you were in was a lot safer than what you wanted to do. My office's roof was gone the next day and my company's offices were trashed and we all had to move to another locaton. It was a mess for over a year. Here's the link about the 1979 tornado. Over half of those killed were in cars. I suggest reading this article to learn where to take cover, if your anxiety will allow it. It could save your life or someone elses. But, on the other hand, it could reinforce fears. I warn anyone that it is a scary one to read for someone with anxiety/panic and a fear of storms.
The jist of the article is that a car is the worst place to be. Inside your home, in the middle of it where it is structurally the strongest in wind is the best if you don't have a storm shelter or can't get to one, preferably in a closet or bathtub with something over you in the tub. Don't open windows in the home. This can cause the roof to blow off easier than if the windows are closed. And if you happen to be in a car, take cover in a ditch or depression in the ground. That is safer than being in the car.
Congrats on making it through. I'm very glad to hear that you and all the rest were not injured.
<A HREF="http://www.usatoday.com/weather/resourc ... nado_x.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.usatoday.com/weather/resourc ... o_x.htm</A>
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Guest
What an ordeal! I was getting panicky reading your post! lol One week after I moved to Los Angeles years ago we had an earthquake (I think it was the Sylmar quake- a biggy) Waiting thru the aftershocks was pure torture and I felt like I had a chronic panic attack for days on end. The fear was like nothing I had experienced before (and I lived in Pennsylvania where we had tornado warnings every summer) Anyway, now I'm not as terrified and actually reacted very well when the Northridge quake hit and surprised myself by how calmly I handled things. So - congratulations on not totally falling apart and maybe now your fear will diminish a lot like mine did. It is true that our fear of something can be a hundred times worse than the actual event. Not to say tornados aren't scary , but you know what I mean.
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Guest
Hey thanks for the nice words, everyone! I am so proud of myself.
Don, you are definitely right about it being very unsafe to drive during a tornado/storm! I wouldn't ever do that, but let me tell you, I sure wanted to. I felt so trapped, but I know that I was safe there with everyone from work and not out on the road or even by myself at home!
Don, you are definitely right about it being very unsafe to drive during a tornado/storm! I wouldn't ever do that, but let me tell you, I sure wanted to. I felt so trapped, but I know that I was safe there with everyone from work and not out on the road or even by myself at home!
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Guest
Kari--OMG, conratulations on your AWESOME victory. That is so amazing. I came on here today because I am having a panic attack right now and I saw your post immediately. And even though it was not as dangerous as your situation reading it felt like I shared in your victory so thanks for sharing and good luck to you.
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