Birthday party STRESS

~HealthyMe~ · Post by **~HealthyMe~** » Fri May 30, 2008 12:51 am

This weekend "I'm" throwing a bday party for my bfriend. I was going to throw a suprise party because I started getting pressure from his friends at his last bday gathering! I was not into it at all, I'm not a bday person. (Ya I know its not about me

) Plus, him and I are having trouble but his friends mentioned its several times throughout the year (what are you going to do for his bday, you should do this or that). So kept revisiting the idea but wanted nothing to do with it. Finally two weeks ago I decided we'll have people over to celebrate his bday but it won't be a surprise. I send out a text message and some emails. Hoping to get some feedback like people wanting to bring stuff, instead a friend offered to have it at their house instead of mine. Now "my" party is out of my hands. I'm paying for the food and cake. I think its all fine and good but at the same time I'm 200% out of my comfort zone. I'm not looking forward to the bday cake part.

I'm just feeling scared. Please any advice? Any sessions I should revisit to try to gain some...strength?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 30, 2008 2:24 am

Rachel,

I know, I would feel the same way. I think the sessions on self-talk and expectations would be pretty good to listen to and probably even the what-if thinking one. You know, in the end you will say to yourself "This was really fun" or "I had a good time" etc. Try not to 'think' too much about any of it (I know that's hard b/c you are planning it) but I think it's great that you asked for some help/input from others. Keep picturing you having a great time and you will. Good Luck and have fun!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 30, 2008 7:06 am

THANK YOU. Its much appreciated! I bought this cute bday cake, it has the grim reaper with tombstones and says, don't worry I'm only here for the cake

haha. That has me really psyched. I know I'll drink but don't want to be silly either. I hope it goes okay. I've spent a fortune

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 30, 2008 7:26 am

Rachel,

Just go with the flow. Do not have any expectations. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, just excuse yourself and join another cluster of people. It is a party! A great way to catch up with people, kinda just flit around like a bumble bee socializing with others.
The cake sounds cute! The party will go off without a hitch! It is a party. People will be celebrating. It WILL be a GREAT time!

Enjoy yourself!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 4:25 am

Thanks for the support everyone. The party was a success. I got some flack from one of bfriends friend's wife. I swear she's one of those people who is just miserable and mean. She was over my house the night before the party and we were looking at the food that I had purchased and her hubby, says yeah that's more than enough. She says nada. We show up at the party with the meat, and someone mentions how much was there and she says, ya when I saw it I thought it didn't look like you bought enough. SO here I am anxiety case already and she mentions this in front of everyone here...at the party but not the night before when it was just us? That set me off...I was feeling really anxious already. I wish I had said something to her...but did not. Then when my bfriends family showed up I got up to talk to another friend about the cake later on, and we were just standing around talking, I left her sitting with his family (mind you she has knowing these people for 15++ years). Its a party, aren't we supposed to mingle..? When I walked by her later she called me a f**king b*tch for leaving her there with them!! OMG. And there was not ha ha joke to it, it was a mean spirited I hate you talk. Its a party not sure I understand why she could not just get up or why she finds his family so offensive or uncomfortable?? Or why I was supposed to sit there with her while his family was there!? She mentioned this THREE TIMES during the night calling me that again. This my bfriends closest friends wife. I wanted to punch her out but bit my tongue and tried defend myself by saying that I didn't realize she was uncomfortable and was not trying to ditch her. I don't understand people like this, she's just mean spirited...

and rude. If I had it my way I'd never associate with her!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 4:43 am

Rachel,

I am very proud of you. I think you have grown a lot emotionally. You've got a good job, handled the party, I think you should be patting yourself on the back for your progress. Some people are just not going to like us. Sounds like this woman is one of them. Forgive and let go of her remarks. She's not worth one second of your time or emotional energy.

HI 5 to ya. I think you are doing great.

DebbieW · Post by **DebbieW** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 4:53 am

DON THANK YOU!! Sometimes I just lose sight of that when focusing sooo much on the other sillyness. You are right, she doesn't have to like me and totally isn't worth it.

I always try to have fun and chill...let go of all else. The party was great and I even brought the cake and served it

cjobasan · Post by **cjobasan** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 5:25 am

No everyone is not going to like us but we also deserve to be treated (not that we always will be)with some respect. If you don't assertively tell this person you don't appreciate being called names (especially what she called you) she will most probably continue to do it. You don't have to be mean about it but could say "I'm sorry you were uncomfortable but I don't think the situation warranted you calling me such an awful name and I would appreciate it if you didn't do it again." We can be assertive without being angry and mean ourselves.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 5:29 am

Thank you Mary. I felt like I was spineless for not handling it differently. I never know what to say when people get rude. That was definitely uncalled for! I was totally taken back and without words!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 5:39 am

Rachel,

You were not at the party to entertain her. If she felt uncomfortable, she is a big girl and had her own choice to excuse herself. It is a party, people DO mingle. SHE mentioned this 3 times, it is HER problem, NOT yours! Like you were supposed to cater to her needs? Please! Maybe she needs to expect less and get more!

I do not like people like that and I do NOT associate with them. (ie:victims) Like my neighbors last week, one of them approached me asking why I/hubby do not like them. It is NOT a matter of me liking them or not, I know how they are so I am indifferent. It is the past and whatever. The way they have treated us and the other neighbors next to them just instills a permanent distance I need to keep from these people. It is that fact that when we DID speak, there was always some "misunderstanding", issue or ridiculous retaliation we experienced from them. (like them hating our fence so they put charcoal briquettes under the wood fence while hot, leaving a raging campfire near our fence or when they called cops on the cable guy (3 times!) because he went into their yard on an utility easement and the cops TOLD them this was legal, or when the dead trees were cut down for our fence and we were supposed to split the wood and the bill the took ALL the wood and never paid us.) She denied doing any of it but who else would call the cops? or dump the hot briquettes? or not pay us for the the tree cutting and share the wood as agreed? They even were swearing at me the morning I was cleaning the fence construction mess when not even 12 hours before I had found out my grandmother passed away. She stood there in my face and denied the WHOLE thing! This is a person I cannot trust or wish to ever trust again. I do not hate her but this is someone I do not want in my life because I cannot trust her. (my husband feels the same) My husband and I just mind our own business. We do not say nothing to them because somehow it always ends up being some sort of issue, so it is not worth it. Sometimes no communication is better then trying to communicate with people that just are different. My mother in law is someone I really am not comfortable with...actually none of my sister inlaws are! I just do not get "stuck" alone with her. I do not get mad at my husband if he walks away, I too have a mouth, can and HAVE excused myself out of her presences. I learned that I will not care for all people, nor will they care for me and hat is AOK! I have the ability to excuse myself and walk away. I also can choose whom I associate with as well. You have that choice to! Do not let what she said bother you...SHE has the problem! You did GREAT!