Hi everyone. I haven't been on the forum in a long while because I've been working with a really great therapist and doing EMDR which seems to be helping. The thing is though that I'm STILL agoraphobic. I'm 19, I don't drive, I don't have a job, I go to school online so I don't have to sit in a classroom with people who could see me panic. I've been severely agoraphobic for the last year since I graduated high school (debilitating fear of change anyone?). I had an agoraphobic "episode" in 8th grade, but it only lasted a few months. I've never had such an extended period of being SO fearful before.
Right now I don't really have any friends. My friends from high school didn't get why I didn't want to go away to college and go party with them when they came home, so I don't talk to them anymore. There's this really cute guy who works at the grocery store (the only place I go regularly besides therapy) and we talk and are friendly, but I'm always so worried of being too friendly, because what if he were to ask me out and I'd have to say "sorry, i don't actually go out" ?
I guess my biggest problem is being afraid of myself and how I "must" come across to people-as a nervous loser-type who can't seem to get past all of her completely irrational fears. I have the program but have never really been able to get past week 5 because I get disinterested easily. I've been trying so hard to beat this, but I just don't feel like I have enough support (my mom and sister are helpful but that's it) and especially don't know anyone who has similar fears or is agoraphobic.
So agoraphobics out there, what's your story? How are you coping? Do you have a safe person (mine's my mom and sister)? How do you make friends? How do you keep the friends you had before you became agoraphobic? What do you do when you feel like no one in the world understands what it feels like to be scared to leave the house?
agoraphobic feeling lonely
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Guest
I feel the exact way you do and I have the same problem as friends go and being an agoraphobic. The difference of course is I am 31 and have kids and they are the only thing in my life that gives me joy and happiness right now. I wish I felt this way all the time, but I don't when there at school I'm scared to leave my house and I have limited so much in my life I hate that I'm this way. I have lost friendships because they don't understand why I don't want to get together and it has been hard on my marriage too. i do not like leaving my house and even when I am home I still feel anxious because I am scared I will always be this way.
I have always been a worrier and very self concious of who I am and of what I say and of how I look. It feels safe when I hide from the world sometimes, but I'm sick of living my life like this and I want to be able to go out and talk to people with out worrying if people can notice that I'm a wreck.
I wish I could say something to help, but I'm stuck in the same place. I do know I want to get better and I have to make it through someday. My kids need me and i love being with them all the time, so for now my motivation is them and then eventually I can do it for myself.
I also try to be proud of even the little things i get to do, even if it's just to get groceries,movie,coffee, and best of all to my kids school to help out. Even though I feel sick and panicky on those days at least i made myself do something. i pray someday that when I have plans ahead time I want be anxious and feeling terrified to leave my home that I won't even think about what I'm doing, it will be great to just do things without thinking of the worst.
I have always been a worrier and very self concious of who I am and of what I say and of how I look. It feels safe when I hide from the world sometimes, but I'm sick of living my life like this and I want to be able to go out and talk to people with out worrying if people can notice that I'm a wreck.
I wish I could say something to help, but I'm stuck in the same place. I do know I want to get better and I have to make it through someday. My kids need me and i love being with them all the time, so for now my motivation is them and then eventually I can do it for myself.
I also try to be proud of even the little things i get to do, even if it's just to get groceries,movie,coffee, and best of all to my kids school to help out. Even though I feel sick and panicky on those days at least i made myself do something. i pray someday that when I have plans ahead time I want be anxious and feeling terrified to leave my home that I won't even think about what I'm doing, it will be great to just do things without thinking of the worst.
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Guest
My agorapobia is ruining my life as how it should be. Life should be great. However, I lock myself up in the house. Don't even go get groceries unless there is absolutely nothing in the house to eat. It is so depressing, but I don't know how to get out of this mode. If and when you have any answeres, please clue me in 
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Guest
I read your story and its like could have written it about myself. My episode came after I graduated college. My mom moved and now I was out of school and had to find a job. I started panicing and sweating any time I left the house. And if I got stuck in traffic I'd lose it, I had to turn the AC all the way up put the radio on to try and distract myself, but it got so bad I just never left the house. The grovery store is the only place I went regularly, but I would freak out if the line was really long. As if for some reason I was trapped in line and would be unable to leave if I wanted. Id get bored and go to the gym in the apartment complex which was only 100 ft from my room. It was always the middle of the day so no one was around and I would start to get nervous that I may pass out while working out and no one would find me. So I would always work out next to the emergency phone just in case! I would sleep really late into the day because the good TV shows didnt start till 12. I had the whole day planned around TV. I didnt leave unless I had to, if there was something I could avoid I would just force myself to go and be in a panic the whole time. My friends would come by to take me out and I remember going for coffee (lol not a good idea!) and getting so nervous on the way that I threw up and we had to go home. I signed up for nexflix so I could have something fill the holes in my TV schedual. I can still remember the schedual I had, Cosby show - boy meets world - full house - home improvement - sienfield - simpsons and by then it was 8 o clock and I could watch the nextflixs or whatever was on discovery ch. After a couple months of that I just couldn't take it anymore. All my control fears ended up controling me, I couldn't do anything I wanted to because I was scared. I talked to my Doctor and ended up taking Paxil which help me enough to get out of the house. That was 3 years ago and I've had to put in a lot of work to be where I'm at now. Healthier eating more exercise and a lot less TV!
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Guest
I can completely relate...it sucks being agoraphobic! I have gotten better, but still have trouble doing things that I want to be doing. I used to go months literally without leaving the house. I would just spend all my time sleeping, watching tv, talk on the phone, and go on the computer. I was scared to even walk out to take the garbage out! I went through the program and it helped some. I started going on small drives around a few blocks (my safe place was obviously my house and my safe person was..and still is my bf). I started doing a bit more, going into small stores and got to week 10 or 11 I think in the program and stopped doing it because I was getting busy doing things and also I think I was scared that it wouldn't work..if I finished the program and it didn't work, I would feel even more anxious because "what would I do now?? How am I going to get better??" Like a year or 2 later I decided that I better start the program again because I was still unable to do the things I wanted (go to larger stores, leave town, etc.). I am on week 12 right now and this time through I have made amazing progress. I have went to two different towns (only 10 min drive..but its something!), I work at a lady's house that lives a little bit out of town, I've gotten my permit to drive, I've went to the dr for a physical, I can go out to eat and actually sit down to eat, I can go into larger stores (but still working on that one!), Gotten over my fear of taking some meds (the pill, and basic pain meds), I'm sure there's more but you can see my point. It's all in doing the things you are scared of one step at a time, doing them with someone you trust, and doing it repetitively so you get used to it...thus getting comfortable and over your fear of it.
Of course I still have anxiety and I am definitely scared still with the things that I do, but I feel so much better after an accomplishment. Even the littlest things. I like your quote..I smiled when I read it. I can't remember what week it was that we are assigned to do this in the program, but you are to buy yourself something as a reward for all you have accomplished. I wanted to find something with a lot of meaning to me. I looked and looked, finally came across a candle and it was "perfect!!" It's a candle with the saying "...and right when she thought the world was ending, the caterpillar became a beautiful butterfly..."
Lately I have been feeling a bit more anxious and I am not over my huge fears...main one being going out of town...so I am thinking I'm going to take celexa, which I was prescribed 6 months ago. I'm super scared to take it, but 6 years of living like this is far too long and I am ready to move on with my life. I want my life back sooooo badly! As I'm sure we all do.
You can make great progress with this program. I think everyone should go through it, anxiety/depression or not. I know it's hard to stick with it, and by not completing it the first time around out of fear of it not working...just doesn't make sense. I know it's hard to take the time to sit down and do it, as it isn't something we really look forward or want to be doing...but it's well worth it. I hope you stick with it and keep working on getting over your fears one step at a time. Take baby steps...it's something, and it works.
As for the guy...go for it! If he's a good guy, he will listen, understand, help, and be there for you. As far as my friends...I live in a small town and my friends moved to bigger cities after high school. Since I don't go see them, they come see me. Even if it's only a few times a year, in the mean time I just stay in contact with my closest friends by phone, IM, texting, facebook, etc. They of course want me to get better and come see them and go out with them...........SOON!!! 
I can't wait! Think positive...hard, I know!
Of course I still have anxiety and I am definitely scared still with the things that I do, but I feel so much better after an accomplishment. Even the littlest things. I like your quote..I smiled when I read it. I can't remember what week it was that we are assigned to do this in the program, but you are to buy yourself something as a reward for all you have accomplished. I wanted to find something with a lot of meaning to me. I looked and looked, finally came across a candle and it was "perfect!!" It's a candle with the saying "...and right when she thought the world was ending, the caterpillar became a beautiful butterfly..."
Lately I have been feeling a bit more anxious and I am not over my huge fears...main one being going out of town...so I am thinking I'm going to take celexa, which I was prescribed 6 months ago. I'm super scared to take it, but 6 years of living like this is far too long and I am ready to move on with my life. I want my life back sooooo badly! As I'm sure we all do.
You can make great progress with this program. I think everyone should go through it, anxiety/depression or not. I know it's hard to stick with it, and by not completing it the first time around out of fear of it not working...just doesn't make sense. I know it's hard to take the time to sit down and do it, as it isn't something we really look forward or want to be doing...but it's well worth it. I hope you stick with it and keep working on getting over your fears one step at a time. Take baby steps...it's something, and it works.
As for the guy...go for it!
If he's a good guy, he will listen, understand, help, and be there for you. As far as my friends...I live in a small town and my friends moved to bigger cities after high school. Since I don't go see them, they come see me. Even if it's only a few times a year, in the mean time I just stay in contact with my closest friends by phone, IM, texting, facebook, etc. They of course want me to get better and come see them and go out with them...........SOON!!! I can't wait! Think positive...hard, I know!-
Guest
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Guest
Hello!I can totally relate to your post.I am agoraphobic and feel alone also.It's a condition that is so hard to really explain what it does to us.People just don't really understand.I have to explain that it's not the "things" out there in the world that scare me.It's me and the thoughts and feelings that I have that scares me.All I can really say at this point is that one day it was when I had gotten really mad because my mouthy daughter says to me"You can't do anything,you can't even go outside!"Well guess what?I got up out of the chair that I was sitting in and walked straight outside and kept walking.My kids were actually freaking out running beside me saying"what are you doing mom?"Where are you going?"I looked at them and said go back home you're hindering me.You have to understand they're no support except for my 8 year old little boy and they're very verbally abusive to me.From then on I've been taking baby steps and it's getting a little easier.The other day I went to the drugstore and found myself stopping to actually look at all the colors of lipstick.My husband was the one coming up to me saying"we got to go,I'm ready to get out of here!"I laughed and told him no I'm working on something.A couple of months ago I was not able to do that at all!I had to go in practically holding on to someone and could hurry up and grab what I needed and rush out.This is really all about trusting in God and trusting ourselves that through Him we can do anything.We have to stop letting that self doubt invade our minds!We are strong and capable!We have so much to offer but will never no and neither will anyone else if we just keep hiding behind closed doors.God Bless!!!!
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Guest
All of these replies have been really great...thanks!
"working on me"-i really love the quote too...it really got me thinking about how we all have to go through changes in our lives and while we don't always know what will happen, it really could be that we'll get the chance to sprout wings!
"fear not"-good for you for sticking around in the drugstore. i'm sorry your family isn't supportive, i had a verbally abusive step-father (he and my mom are in the divorce process) so i know how that goes. don't let them get you down! sometimes, like when you just got up and walked out of the house, they can even be great motivation, like if they say you can't do something it can give you that extra push to say "i'm going to prove you wrong!" and then do it!
I'm taking everyone's advice and working on baby steps. most of the time it doesn't feel like much, but i'm hoping they'll build up to more.
"working on me"-i really love the quote too...it really got me thinking about how we all have to go through changes in our lives and while we don't always know what will happen, it really could be that we'll get the chance to sprout wings!
"fear not"-good for you for sticking around in the drugstore. i'm sorry your family isn't supportive, i had a verbally abusive step-father (he and my mom are in the divorce process) so i know how that goes. don't let them get you down! sometimes, like when you just got up and walked out of the house, they can even be great motivation, like if they say you can't do something it can give you that extra push to say "i'm going to prove you wrong!" and then do it!
I'm taking everyone's advice and working on baby steps. most of the time it doesn't feel like much, but i'm hoping they'll build up to more.