Being Alone

mommaof3 · Post by **mommaof3** » Tue May 27, 2008 4:30 am

I have posted on this before and have not gotten much of a response, so I'll try again and try to explain better.
I have been suffering from anxiety for almost 5 years now. I am on week six and getting ready to start week 7. Love the program, I have come so far from where I was. There is one fear that keeps jumping up and biting me in the butt though.
I am so scared to be alone. I worry that if my husband were to die or for some reason not be here I would just go crazy, like I wouldn't know what to do. It's not just my husband, i don't ever worry about him cheating or leaving me. It is a fear of having to live alone if he was gone.
It seems silly, but when he is home with me I function on a pretty normal basis, but when Monday morning rolls around and he kisses me goodbye I start to worry that I will go crazy while he is gone. What is even sillier is I do daycare in my home, so I am far from being alone. The kids are wonderful, beautiful children. I sometimes get overwhelmed with them and I start to get that I'm going to lose my mind. This is a real phobia. Some people say I could never to daycare, "That would drive me crazy". This is a real fear of going crazy. But when I am feeling overwhelmed with the kids and another adult is present it doesn't seem to bother me nearly as much. I truly believe if I could overcome this fear of being alone, I would feel pretty good, I have most of my other fears under control. Any advice from those who have this same fear would be greatly appreciated!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 4:47 am

HI,
I am sorry that you never got any response from others when you write it before but, i did not see it.
when i used to have panic and anxiety i was scared to be alone. even thoough it was not as bad as some others it still bothered me. when you get more into the program you will be able to get releif from the panic that you feel when he is gone to work.
i do not worry what will happen likei used to.i leave it to GOD and he will take care of it.i also called and talked to others hat had the same problems and used the chat line and other things as well.
i will keep you in our prayers and know that you will rise above the panc that you feel.
i will pray that GOD AWILL KEEP HIM SAFE WHILE HE IS AWAY.take care and know that you and your family is in our thoughts and prayers.be blessed.
don
the devil trys to discourage us and throws stuff in our way if we will let him. but if we resist him he will flee from us.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 4:55 am

I know how you feel. I don't like when she goes to work but you have to enjoy being with yourself.What if's is irrational thinking. Chances are nothing is going to happen. By the time you reach the end of the course you won't believe this ever bothered you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 5:32 am

I too, am sorry you didn't get a response before. I am glad that you wrote it again because there are so many here who care.

What you are talking about does go with what we are going through. I had this very strongly and just told my husband yesterday that I wouldn't know what to do without him. I became very dependant on his presence and from what I can tell very many do. We go from a very independant person to a very dependant person. One of the things in this program is we have to learn to love and trust ourself again.

As D was saying as the Lord for his presence and strength and he will help you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love you path

<center>
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1. The path begins at a crossroads. There you can stop and think what direction you want to take. But don’t spend too much time thinking or you’ll never leave the spot.

Ask yourself the classic Carlos Castaneda question: Which of these paths has a heart? (…)

2. The path doesn’t last forever. It’s a blessing to travel the path for some time, but one day it will come to an end, so be prepared to take leave of it at any moment.

(…)

3. Honor your path. It was your choice, your decision, and just as you respect the ground you step on, that ground will respect your feet. Always do what’s best to conserve and keep your path and it will do the same for you...

4. Be well-equipped. Carry a small rake, a spade, a penknife. Understand that penknives are no use for dry leaves, and rakes are useless for herbs that are deep-rooted. Know what tool to use at each moment. And take care of your tools, because they’re your best allies...

5. The path goes forward and backward. At times you have to go back because something was lost, or a message to be delivered was forgotten in your pocket. A well tended path enables you to go back without any great problem...

6. Take care of the path before you take care of what’s around you. Attention and concentration are fundamental. Don’t be distracted by the dry leaves at the edges. Use your energy to tend and conserve the ground that accepts your steps...

7. Be patient. Sometimes the same tasks have to be repeated, like tearing up weeds or closing holes that appear after unexpected rain. Don’t let that annoy you; it’s part of the journey. Even though you’re tired, even though certain tasks are repeated so often, be patient...

8. Paths cross. People can tell you what the weather is like elsewhere. Listen to advice, but make your own decisions. You’re responsible for the path entrusted to you...

9. Nature follows its own rules. You have to be prepared for sudden changes in the fall, slippery ice in winter, the temptations of flowers in spring, thirst and showers in the summer. Make the most of each of these seasons, and don’t complain about their characteristics...

10. Make your path a mirror of yourself. By no means let yourself be influenced by the way others care for their paths. You have your own soul to listen to, and the birds to whisper translations of what your soul is saying.

(…)

11. Love your path. Without this, nothing makes any sense...

~ Paulo Coelho ~
Posted by: LINELLA BRECKENRIDGE

derfy · Post by **derfy** » Tue May 27, 2008 5:35 am

I have a similar fear. I am only on week 3 of the program, but one of my biggest fears is losing someone close to me. I am not married but I do fear of losing a close family member, especially one of my parents. I worry about someone dying so much that it probably causes most of my panic attacks. I should have graduated this past may but I took a semester off so I will now graduate next may. I was very depressed when everyone graduated but only because I was afraid that next year my family may not be here and they were all here for when I should have graduated. I know it's crazy but I can't stop thinking about it. I hope this program will help me as well as you conquer this fear. Just know that you are not alone in your situation and it will get better. Live for the moment, that's all you can do. We have to stop worrying so much about the future.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 5:51 am

i also how that fear i am afraid something may happen to my adult daughter or my grand children i also worry about myself and mother i gues i need to realize we have no control over the future but i do know i HATE being alone and i fear alot i know eventually it will subside but for now it is hard i had bad news from a heart doctor which has put my panic even worse hope this goes away
good luck to you eventually i am sure it will

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 7:57 am

Thanks for the advice and support. I will do my best to live in the present and not the future. If anyone else has any input I would greatly appreciate hearing it. Take care everyone. We are definately not in this alone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 8:11 am

To Kevin1568:
I hope you are right about and I forget this ever bothered me. It's hard to imagine it now, but it would be so liberating to let it go. Thanks

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 8:28 am

That has been my fear for the last 30 years. I had a panic attak while alone, and since then I have avoided. If you can believe I havent been alone for 30 years, that sounds very strange, even to me. I would go to someone's house if my husband was busy, and be at work during the day with other people.
Recently I have started thinking about what would happen if my husband were not around anymore, it would be horrible...so that is when I decided I need to beat this, and ordered the program. I also went and got my license last year, but am afraid to drive alone, so it doesnt help me.
I will beat this, and be able to function alone like most people. I know I can do it, and I will! Hang in there, you can do it too!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 8:28 am

Mommaof3 -

You are not trusting that you can handle being alone.

Start telling yourself today that:

No matter what happens I WILL HANDLE IT.