Weird Question

erinh · Post by **erinh** » Tue May 20, 2008 3:24 am

Hi All, I am new here. I have a really weird question:( I have suffered from anxiety for almost 10 years. I am 30 years old and have 2 beautiful little girls. My new fear is dieing..I know that sounds weird.

I have this thought in my mind that everyday is closer to death...

For some reason I wake up and think..I am a day closer to death and it really bothers me. I have a beautiful life with a great husband and 2 beautiful daughters. I don't know where this fear came from and I am so embarressed to even talk about it. Does anyone have this problem or am I really crazy? Any replies would help

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 4:13 am

I don't think it's a weird question at all and I think most people are afraid of dying on some level. First, you have to accept it, it's a fact of life that can't be changed. Second, figure out what about dying scares you....if it's leaving your family, try to do all you can to make sure they will be okay (wills, life insurance, prepay funeral). I really believe that believing in a higher power really helps with this too. When my 16 year old brother died last year alot of people, including him, reminded me we all want to get to the party in Heaven, he just gets to go first.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 4:28 am

Thank you so much for replying back. I never was bothered by it, nor thought about it...

I am just really anxious and don't know why. I am healthy and have a great family. Is it the anxiety? I feel really spacey and have these horrible thoughts in my mind. I don't feel normal. Normal people do not think about things like that

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 4:32 am

I guess one way to look at the inevitability of death is to use this fact to your advantage. Neither you nor I know how long we'll live but that doesn't matter. What does matter is the quality of life you have in the meantime, the blessings you enjoy and what you can contribute to others and the world around you in a positive way. And so knowing that death is a fact of life is something you can use to "live like you were dying". If you had 6 months left to live what would you do with that time? Tough question but worth answering for yourself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 4:42 am

Hi, I REALLY don't think that's a weird question. My fear is the same. You had some good replies that make me think about why? Did you have any experiences in your life or losses that could be the root of the fear. I know that's where mine comes from. I not sure myself what normal is! Ha! I know how you feel though.Take care.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 4:45 am

Thank you...I really appreciate your comments. I just don't know why I am thinking like this. I love my life and my family with all my heart. I am just concerned why I would even think like this. Its like there is someone in my head telling me that you are going to die someday and I get very anxious. I have a normal life and do things, but I over react and don't know how to stop this negative thinking

Is this dipolar or just anxiety.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 4:59 am

Hi Freckles! Thank you for the reply. Yes, I have lost a lot of people in my life, but It never bothered me with these horrible thoughts. My most recent lost was a very close friend last year. I attended her viewing and saw her and this thought came into my mind, that this would be me some day and I freaked out. Its been a year since she has been gone and that is when my thoughts started. I have suffered from anxiety for a long time. I just don't know how to get these horrible thoughts out of my mind

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 5:04 am

Two things recently made me think about 'dying' and old age and stuff. First, my parents stayed the weekend and as I was talking to my dad, I really looked at him and saw how old he is. Actually, he's not soooo old, only late 60's and he's in good health but then I thought, wow, I remember when he was my husbands age. Well, then I got alittle nervous thinking about my husband and everything.

Also, this may sound weird, but the times in my life that I thought of dying and felt scared were actually when I was truly happy and content. Like when my husband and I were getting married, we used to talk about how we were so afraid of something happening right before the wedding-also, when I was pregnant with my first baby and after I had him, OMG I always prayed I would be there for my son and husband. I don't understand it completely, maybe we feel we don't deserve all of our happiness?? But, we do and just be glad for the day. Easier said than done, but don't worry about thinking and worrying about that and it will fade.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 5:25 am

Thank you Karmerri, I really appreciate your words. My dad is also in his late 60's and I worry about him all the time.

He is in pretty good shape, but I still worry. I just don't understand why I worry so much and where these silly feelings came from. I just have to take one day at a time. I just feel like I will never be normal again without the obsessive thoughts. I just feel like I am crazy and will never be the same again. My husband and I are planning on putting granite in our kitchen and you would think I would be so excited about it...But I am so full of anxiety, that I am not. I hate this feeling. I want my life back...with no worries

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 20, 2008 6:49 am

Hi All,
I'm in a strange and unique position when this question comes around. I'm an Oncology nurse and have, over the years, lost about every one of my closest friends to AIDS and/or suicide. Sounds like a strange place to be but at 42 years old I don't have any close friends left. I don't let death permeate my life. I have learned to live each day and be as happy as possible with each sunrise and each sunset. Most of all, I have learned that life is a huge circle. I celebrate those I've known. Don't know where I'm going, but I'm glad to have been where I've been. Just live folks...sing,dance,live.