Listening to the session 5 made me feel anxious.
I used to be anorexic and bulemic and could not eat anything without guilt.
It took me many very painful years to develop a healthy relationship with food, and to go back to exercise without obsession. I never thought either would be possible.
I am now terrified that focusing on everything I eat will bring back my obsessive and negative food relationship -
How do I "watch what I eat" without obsessing and being to keep my current very positive relationship with food? I never want to go back to analyzing every bite that goes into my mouth. It was living hell.
By the way, I do tend to eat fairly balanced at present, but could eat less sugar - I do eat a bit of chocolate every day, but try to balance with healthy food.
I do want to kick the crap out of this anxiety, but am very worried about stirring up the past -how can I find a balance?
Heather
HELP - all this food talk is bringing back obsessive thinking
The "diet" Lucinda talks about is really just guidelines for more healthy eating rather than specific meal plans to follow. Everyone can't follow just one diet. Some have special needs. I don't follow any diet, nor do I watch everything I put in my mouth. I know my triggers are too much caffeine and that really good tasting stuff ... SUGAR. Other than that my philosophy is "if it's food, eat it!" lol If you find yourself slipping back to the bad place with food, stop. The message from this lesson was to eat healthy for yourself and if it's causing you problems, then it's not healthy, right? It's not going to be the same strict diet for everyone.
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Guest
Thanks so much for your posts...
My most severe depression/anorexia/bulemia was in 1996. Only in the last couple of years have I really felt a good positive relationship with food. For me that means I make healthy choices as often as possible, and indulge when I want. This has been working well for me, I am at a healthy weight, and don't obsess about food.
I just got terrified when I realized I was feeling guilty about eating the ice cream the other night. I hadn't had that feeling in so long. I spoke to my boyfriend since the post who was very encouraging and pointed out that my eating is already very healthy (more balanced/nutritious than most people) and that my diet is not a big problem at this time.
I do know that simply reducing my caffeine intake HAS made a big difference so I am just going to focus on that for now. I don't want to be worried about eating whole grain cereal in the morning because there is not enough protein. Too much for me right now.
Thanks for your help, empathy, and support. I always felt really alone with my past, most people I knew did not know about my anorexia/bulemia - my mother was in denial about it, even in front of a psychiatrist (even when I lost 40 pounds and dropped to 96 pounds as an adult). I feel that I made the recovery alone, but it wasn't easy and took probably longer than it could have with help.
Love you guys all just for being out there and listening!
Heather
My most severe depression/anorexia/bulemia was in 1996. Only in the last couple of years have I really felt a good positive relationship with food. For me that means I make healthy choices as often as possible, and indulge when I want. This has been working well for me, I am at a healthy weight, and don't obsess about food.
I just got terrified when I realized I was feeling guilty about eating the ice cream the other night. I hadn't had that feeling in so long. I spoke to my boyfriend since the post who was very encouraging and pointed out that my eating is already very healthy (more balanced/nutritious than most people) and that my diet is not a big problem at this time.
I do know that simply reducing my caffeine intake HAS made a big difference so I am just going to focus on that for now. I don't want to be worried about eating whole grain cereal in the morning because there is not enough protein. Too much for me right now.
Thanks for your help, empathy, and support. I always felt really alone with my past, most people I knew did not know about my anorexia/bulemia - my mother was in denial about it, even in front of a psychiatrist (even when I lost 40 pounds and dropped to 96 pounds as an adult). I feel that I made the recovery alone, but it wasn't easy and took probably longer than it could have with help.
Love you guys all just for being out there and listening!
Heather
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Guest
Fightback76,
Sorry I’m posting this a little late…I ran out of time to post my response yesterday.
I wanted to congratulate you on all of your healthy progress forward concerning the anorexia and bulimia. There can be no doubt that you understand the importance of accepting small steps forward and the role that being kind and supportive to yourself plays in healing and moving forward.
When I read your post…I immediately thought of a couple of skills this program teaches and thought mentioning them would resonate with you.
First…one area of ‘scary thought’ we all use quite a bit is ‘black and white thinking.’ When you say, “I am now terrified that focusing on everything I eat will bring back my obsessive and negative food relationship”…that seems like classic black and white. One key to picking up on these statements are words like: everything, every time, always, never etc.
So…it’s a good phrase to isolate and think of in terms of Positive Thought replacement (Lesson 3). How can we change that statement into something that is truthful, under-reactive, supportive, kind and compassionate towards yourself and all that you’ve accomplished? How about something like this:
“I worry about back-sliding but I also know that I have so much more information and experience behind me now…so much more than when I unknowingly slipped into the anorexia and bulimia period in my life. I am aware of it now and more confident in myself than I was before. It’s okay for me to worry about it some…that’s normal and no big deal. But it doesn’t help me to think of it in terms of being ‘terrified’ and I’m not going to scare myself anymore. I can make good decisions without terrifying myself into them. I am a person who makes good decision…I am capable and more knowledgeable than I was before.”
Might there be something in there that feels right and truthful to you?
I believe you when you say you have a very healthy relationship with food now, but I also think that so much of what we all need to keep pursuing is the process of our healing and growth. In other words, no matter how long we work at this…there will continue to be areas where we will learn something new and useful to us—and you are obviously on the path! At the moment…although you clearly have a far far more healthy relationship with food, you are also sharing with us thoughts about being terrified and worry about obsessing as it relates to food and eating. Those are areas where I think using the skills in this program can help you continue on the direction you are going.
Having experienced the difficulties with food as you have…it is totally understandable to have feelings of caution. It seems like you are still in the process of rooting out or dealing with the fear of your experiences and that is totally understandable as well. I think this is another area you have in common with so many of us here. How do we address the fear (past or future) and keep moving forward? Lesson 3, 4, 8, 9 & 10 are each applicable to your thoughts and concerns I think.
Keep working the program and if you feel that at this time, you are satisfied with your diet, food relationship and the healthiness of your overall substance intake…then that is great!! For now…listen to this lesson with interest…not with the feeling you have to change the choices you’ve made that are working. And if you decide to try some changes…make them small, comfortable and manageable within your current comfort zone. So for example, if you currently drink 3 cups of coffee a day…how would you feel about cutting that down to 2 and a half a day—and try that for a full week or two. (I just saw in your reply that you’ve begun that process…that’s great! It made a noticeable difference for me as well)
Remember…this entire program is about you! For many of us coming to this program…we never really thought about food and how it may relate to our anxiety and depression issues. Some of us self-medicated with alcohol and this lesson was an inspiration (along with the rest of the program) to cut back and or eliminate this negative cycle. Others…might never have considered the relationship between 6 cups of coffee a day and anxiety…or how this would affect their sleep etc. Your situation is a bit different as it relates to this Lesson and in many areas you may be well ahead of where others are when it comes to healthy eating.
As I read your post, honestly, I thought of Positive Self-Talk, Black & White thinking, Worry and Scary thoughts…and that’s a good thing I think Fightback75…because those are all topics you share in common with the majority of members here. I think if you continue to work on those areas of the program…you’ll find more of a comfort level when it comes to this Lesson in the program and in all the other areas where anxiety affects our daily lives.
I agree with Craw…this lesson is less about teaching us a strict diet to follow, and more about addressing those specific areas individuals with anxiety are likely to struggle with most: Self-medicating, caffeine consumption, over-doing it on the sugar consumption, the unhealthy practice of mixing alcohol with medication etc. Apart from that…if you have a food diet that works for you…then keep with it and as with the rest of us—when you can make a small healthy addition and or change…that’s the idea—it needn’t be black or white or all or none. Small steps…viewing it as a process and not as an end or beginning based on one change. That type of thinking just hinders us, scares us and creates self-doubt.
I believe we begin to find the balance with most all of these challenges, by focusing, learning, practicing and committing ourselves—little by little—to the process of under-reacting. Each skill and Lesson in this program helps us find the balance thru under-reacting. When we find that soothing, compassionate and supportive Positive self-talk; When we begin to identify worry (living in the future) and guilt (living in the past) and gain more “In the moment” time; When we start to really get a handle on Expectations, scary ‘What-if’ thinking, ‘Shoulding’ on ourselves…all of those relate directly to under-reacting and finding the balance you are talking about.
My best to you,
JOP
Sorry I’m posting this a little late…I ran out of time to post my response yesterday.
I wanted to congratulate you on all of your healthy progress forward concerning the anorexia and bulimia. There can be no doubt that you understand the importance of accepting small steps forward and the role that being kind and supportive to yourself plays in healing and moving forward.
When I read your post…I immediately thought of a couple of skills this program teaches and thought mentioning them would resonate with you.
First…one area of ‘scary thought’ we all use quite a bit is ‘black and white thinking.’ When you say, “I am now terrified that focusing on everything I eat will bring back my obsessive and negative food relationship”…that seems like classic black and white. One key to picking up on these statements are words like: everything, every time, always, never etc.
So…it’s a good phrase to isolate and think of in terms of Positive Thought replacement (Lesson 3). How can we change that statement into something that is truthful, under-reactive, supportive, kind and compassionate towards yourself and all that you’ve accomplished? How about something like this:
“I worry about back-sliding but I also know that I have so much more information and experience behind me now…so much more than when I unknowingly slipped into the anorexia and bulimia period in my life. I am aware of it now and more confident in myself than I was before. It’s okay for me to worry about it some…that’s normal and no big deal. But it doesn’t help me to think of it in terms of being ‘terrified’ and I’m not going to scare myself anymore. I can make good decisions without terrifying myself into them. I am a person who makes good decision…I am capable and more knowledgeable than I was before.”
Might there be something in there that feels right and truthful to you?
I believe you when you say you have a very healthy relationship with food now, but I also think that so much of what we all need to keep pursuing is the process of our healing and growth. In other words, no matter how long we work at this…there will continue to be areas where we will learn something new and useful to us—and you are obviously on the path! At the moment…although you clearly have a far far more healthy relationship with food, you are also sharing with us thoughts about being terrified and worry about obsessing as it relates to food and eating. Those are areas where I think using the skills in this program can help you continue on the direction you are going.
Having experienced the difficulties with food as you have…it is totally understandable to have feelings of caution. It seems like you are still in the process of rooting out or dealing with the fear of your experiences and that is totally understandable as well. I think this is another area you have in common with so many of us here. How do we address the fear (past or future) and keep moving forward? Lesson 3, 4, 8, 9 & 10 are each applicable to your thoughts and concerns I think.
Keep working the program and if you feel that at this time, you are satisfied with your diet, food relationship and the healthiness of your overall substance intake…then that is great!! For now…listen to this lesson with interest…not with the feeling you have to change the choices you’ve made that are working. And if you decide to try some changes…make them small, comfortable and manageable within your current comfort zone. So for example, if you currently drink 3 cups of coffee a day…how would you feel about cutting that down to 2 and a half a day—and try that for a full week or two. (I just saw in your reply that you’ve begun that process…that’s great! It made a noticeable difference for me as well)
Remember…this entire program is about you! For many of us coming to this program…we never really thought about food and how it may relate to our anxiety and depression issues. Some of us self-medicated with alcohol and this lesson was an inspiration (along with the rest of the program) to cut back and or eliminate this negative cycle. Others…might never have considered the relationship between 6 cups of coffee a day and anxiety…or how this would affect their sleep etc. Your situation is a bit different as it relates to this Lesson and in many areas you may be well ahead of where others are when it comes to healthy eating.
As I read your post, honestly, I thought of Positive Self-Talk, Black & White thinking, Worry and Scary thoughts…and that’s a good thing I think Fightback75…because those are all topics you share in common with the majority of members here. I think if you continue to work on those areas of the program…you’ll find more of a comfort level when it comes to this Lesson in the program and in all the other areas where anxiety affects our daily lives.
I agree with Craw…this lesson is less about teaching us a strict diet to follow, and more about addressing those specific areas individuals with anxiety are likely to struggle with most: Self-medicating, caffeine consumption, over-doing it on the sugar consumption, the unhealthy practice of mixing alcohol with medication etc. Apart from that…if you have a food diet that works for you…then keep with it and as with the rest of us—when you can make a small healthy addition and or change…that’s the idea—it needn’t be black or white or all or none. Small steps…viewing it as a process and not as an end or beginning based on one change. That type of thinking just hinders us, scares us and creates self-doubt.
I believe we begin to find the balance with most all of these challenges, by focusing, learning, practicing and committing ourselves—little by little—to the process of under-reacting. Each skill and Lesson in this program helps us find the balance thru under-reacting. When we find that soothing, compassionate and supportive Positive self-talk; When we begin to identify worry (living in the future) and guilt (living in the past) and gain more “In the moment” time; When we start to really get a handle on Expectations, scary ‘What-if’ thinking, ‘Shoulding’ on ourselves…all of those relate directly to under-reacting and finding the balance you are talking about.
My best to you,
JOP
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sleeplessMom
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:16 pm
Hi fightback,
I'm having the same problem you are, so I skipped session 5 and went on. I thought that perhaps with more experience with the program and all the skills I am learning from it that I could go back to 5 later. (I wrote more about this in the New User - March group.)
I used to count calories like mad, I know laughing cow cheese wedges have 35 calories, egg whites have like 20 cal, etc. And after exercising I would calc my net weight. It was an obsession that was absolute depressive hell. So believe me, I understand. It took me a year to overcome my fear of food intake and I became anxious as I listened to session 5, too, simply because I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO WHERE I WAS TRAPPED BEFORE.
Now, I'm doing 5 little by little. Small steps. It's working. What I thought would be utterly impossible for me is actually beginning to happen and it's a wonderful feeling. I still eat healthy and exercise...and even with doing session 5, even though I'm doing it slowly, I am still in control - I've been able to keep my "healthy relationship" with food!!!!
So I know that if I can do it, so can you.
xoxo!
[Edited for grammar because hey, it's 5am and I've been up all night studying for finals!]
I'm having the same problem you are, so I skipped session 5 and went on. I thought that perhaps with more experience with the program and all the skills I am learning from it that I could go back to 5 later. (I wrote more about this in the New User - March group.)
I used to count calories like mad, I know laughing cow cheese wedges have 35 calories, egg whites have like 20 cal, etc. And after exercising I would calc my net weight. It was an obsession that was absolute depressive hell. So believe me, I understand. It took me a year to overcome my fear of food intake and I became anxious as I listened to session 5, too, simply because I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO WHERE I WAS TRAPPED BEFORE.
Now, I'm doing 5 little by little. Small steps. It's working. What I thought would be utterly impossible for me is actually beginning to happen and it's a wonderful feeling. I still eat healthy and exercise...and even with doing session 5, even though I'm doing it slowly, I am still in control - I've been able to keep my "healthy relationship" with food!!!!
So I know that if I can do it, so can you.
xoxo!
[Edited for grammar because hey, it's 5am and I've been up all night studying for finals!]
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Guest
Thank you so much Jenii!
I have skipped session 5 because it was setting me back for now. I eat well, exercise, and enjoy food, and love my body and am comfortable with myself, something I believe is an enormous accomplishment.
I believe session 5 is very important, and for people who have never focused on their diet there is a lot to learn - I think I have already put into practice the session 5 info.
To anyone out there who has had food obsessions and negative body image, hang in there and surround yourself with positive, balanced people. It is a long process but if you try, every day you will get a bit closer to beating it!
Thanks a lot Jenii, the support and understanding means so much!
Heather
I have skipped session 5 because it was setting me back for now. I eat well, exercise, and enjoy food, and love my body and am comfortable with myself, something I believe is an enormous accomplishment.
I believe session 5 is very important, and for people who have never focused on their diet there is a lot to learn - I think I have already put into practice the session 5 info.
To anyone out there who has had food obsessions and negative body image, hang in there and surround yourself with positive, balanced people. It is a long process but if you try, every day you will get a bit closer to beating it!
Thanks a lot Jenii, the support and understanding means so much!
Heather
