New to dating...little unsure

lilsismj · Post by **lilsismj** » Mon May 05, 2008 5:18 am

I haven't dated in about three years. I have gone on first dates, blind dates, but haven't "dated" until now. I have been seeing someone for a few weeks and really don't understand how I am feeling about the whole situation.

It does make me nervous when I think about it too much. For instance, today a few people have asked me about my date yesterday, and just talking about it so much has gotten me feeling kind of manicy, if that makes sense.

He has a daughter from a previous marriage, and I am unsure of how to feel about that. I don't mind that he has a daughter, I am just unsure of how all of this will work.

I am not sure how all of this will work! I don't have a schedule or a to-do list to know that I am doing this right and that makes me slightly nervous, but at the same time I kind of like it and it seems to be going well. Yesterday he took me on an all day excursion visiting old civil war cemeteries in these sweet little old towns. He has a degree in history and it was very interesting. And i couldn't believe that I got into a car and went on a trip where I had NO IDEA where we were going. He told me he was going to take me sight seeing and I just went along. I never just go along, but for some reason I did. And it was the most comfortable and relaxing day.

I am comfortable with him, for the most part. I am myself with him, totally and he doesn't seem to have a problem with that. But, it's like my brain is not able to compute what I'm feeling.

I look forward to making plans with him and seeing him again, but I can make myself very nervous about it if I want to and I don't want to.

But how I'm feeling is completely foreign to me. I feel the need to stop while I'm ahead. I am shocked at the things I am doing...because I didn't date for three years. This is HUGE to me. Biggest fear -- dating. And here I am, dating. And he makes me feel good. But, I feel like I could easily self sabotage.

Anybody remember dating and these feelings. I sure could use some advice or camaraderie. Anybody?

~Michelle~ · Post by **~Michelle~** » Mon May 05, 2008 5:41 am

Your feelings are normal. Have you ever been married, and do you have any children? You have a lot of ?'s ; which is normal. None of us knows the future, but it seems to be a good one for you. We all have to take some risks. Maybe I'm wrong, so listen to other opinions. I'm 60. I was divorced from my 1st husband for 4 years. He and I had 2 children. I remarried a wonderful man who passed away after almost 28 years of marriage. By the way, we had 2 more children. Enjoy your time with your new love interest.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon May 05, 2008 5:48 am

Lilsismj, it's perfectly normal to have some anxiety when dating someone new, especially since you've been out of the dating scene for awhile. My advice and from experience, is to take it slow, and do not rush into anything. Enjoy the journey, and if it's meant to be, that will be evident eventually. At this point in time, it's difficult to be sure about anything when it's still new. In time, you will know if he possesses the qualities your looking for, if he's kind, caring, etc...... you will know it, but please take it slow. I am talking from experience, and just want you to be cautious, (not paranoid), but like driving, proceed with caution. Be yourself as you are doing, and as time goes on, (if he is the one for you), you and he will be able to talk and open up to each other. Keep up with the program too. Dating is a stressful process when trying to sift through the negative dates, and the good ones. Your doing OK. Dating will begin to feel more relaxing and natural as time goes on. I just met the one for me last year, after a lot of years of dating men not suited to me, and some not so good relationships. It just takes time. Click on the link below for good dating advice too.
<A HREF="http://www.lovingyou.com" TARGET=_blank>www.lovingyou.com</A>
It's not just about love, but dating etc....
Good luck! Take care!

Hugs

Life is but a journey, not a destination!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon May 05, 2008 6:37 am

Thanks ladies,

I have not been married before and I don't have any children of my own. It's really just such an odd situation to be in and not understand the good feelings. It's like:

I'm excited...but don't get too excited or you'll flip out.

I'm nervous...but don't get too nervous or you'll flip out.

There are just so many new emotions and feelings that I don't remember having before...if I have. My sister said, "Maybe you're happy." And I wondered. I don't know what happy feels like. All I know is that it would be so easy to call and tell him I never wanted to see him again...and then I wouldn't have to worry about it. But, then I want to see him. It's confusing and I just hope it's natural.