I have a doctor's appt tomorrow. Somebody please kidnap me and take me away! I'm terrified of the new med he'll put me on. Who knows what it will be or the side effects it will have. If it makes me as crazy as Lamictal did, I fear it will be the end. I don't think I can survive another episode like that. (Not to scare anyone. I'm ok now. Not good, but ok.)
My husband says I have to have something to help me. I'm almost angry b/c I have reasons to be depressed and anxious. He takes care of me. I spend each day with our baby. No pressures for an immaculate house- just tidy and some dinner. I'm angry that life is a struggle and my mind is so messed up. Who would want to live like this every day for the rest of their life? There's got to be more to look forward to. Oh, and the Lamictal headache will not break! My head feels like it's in a vise. Darn it all!!!! Thanks for letting me vent. My mom is here with me and I'm better today than yesterday. And I didn't even cry yesterday! Baby steps and trust in the Lord. Thank you all.
Don't want to go there
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bevhembree
- Posts: 275
- Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:44 am
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Guest
(((bev))) I understand. At the risk of sounding redundant on this forum: babysteps in the right direction ARE progress. Don't give up, and don't be too hard on yourself. Keep working at it; there IS hope. Also, don't compare to husband or others. If they had our past histories and our chemical and/or hormonal imbalances or whatever is at the root of our troubles, they'd be in the same boat. Be thankful for their help, and just continue to go forward.
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Guest
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Guest
Hey Bev,
Sounds like you're having a rough go here lately. I have read some of your prior posts and know that you are a very strong woman. You will handle this. Don't let other people's reactions be a measure of your self worth. You are doing the best you can do. There will be bumps in the road, you cannot control how others react to those bumps but you can control how you react. This is not the end of the road, breathe deeply, let go, and let God. Things will work out they always do. God Bless.
Julie
Sounds like you're having a rough go here lately. I have read some of your prior posts and know that you are a very strong woman. You will handle this. Don't let other people's reactions be a measure of your self worth. You are doing the best you can do. There will be bumps in the road, you cannot control how others react to those bumps but you can control how you react. This is not the end of the road, breathe deeply, let go, and let God. Things will work out they always do. God Bless.
Julie
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Guest
hi,
I know what you mean. I'm 32 and am married and have 2 little ones 3yrs-almost 2, and when all of this started happening to me 7 months ago, I was down on myself, like what the heck's the matter with me? I basically have the same responsibilities about the home, dinner and the kids you mentioned and then I didn't work at all. Somewhere in the middle of the program ( I started this January and am just finishing now) I realized that I was letting things get to me on a sub consious level-w/o even knowing. Being broke has always been okay with me but then I started to feel the pressure and started blaming myself. Everyone kept saying are gonna go to school again, or what will you do when the kids are in school, to me it sort of was like they were hinting around that, they didn't approve of me being a stay at home Mom and that I should be contibuting more ($) to the family. So, last fall I was able to get some seasonal work making good money in a short period of time and that made me feel good and the first day I put in 9 hours. I felt great about making some money, but when I got home I had a BAD allergic reaction to the stuff I was working with and BAM! That was when I had my very first panic attack- A HUGE ONE! (aren't they all? :p) The pressure had just built up enough to where it was as if I had a nervous break down. Evn then, there at the time of that panic attack I didn't realize that I felt like a failure and that I sucked and all that. It was all subconcious until I started going through the program and picking through my brain. Now that I'm fixing that problem, my big problem is my health. Always thinking about what I'm going to be allergic to next. And, until recently, if I felt in any shape, way or form like I did when I had that allergic reaction, (warm, dry throat, stomach upset, headache and all the symptoms of the panic attack too) that would make me panic! What a horrible cycle. Now, I'm starting to face my fear of those two things and you know, it's all in your head and what you tell yourself. It really is amazing! Oh, and another thing that has helped me immensley is totally relying on God and Jesus and studying the word. Anyway, this is the most awesome place for support and the people are the best- just keep coming back! (what they say in A.A. meetings)
I know what you mean. I'm 32 and am married and have 2 little ones 3yrs-almost 2, and when all of this started happening to me 7 months ago, I was down on myself, like what the heck's the matter with me? I basically have the same responsibilities about the home, dinner and the kids you mentioned and then I didn't work at all. Somewhere in the middle of the program ( I started this January and am just finishing now) I realized that I was letting things get to me on a sub consious level-w/o even knowing. Being broke has always been okay with me but then I started to feel the pressure and started blaming myself. Everyone kept saying are gonna go to school again, or what will you do when the kids are in school, to me it sort of was like they were hinting around that, they didn't approve of me being a stay at home Mom and that I should be contibuting more ($) to the family. So, last fall I was able to get some seasonal work making good money in a short period of time and that made me feel good and the first day I put in 9 hours. I felt great about making some money, but when I got home I had a BAD allergic reaction to the stuff I was working with and BAM! That was when I had my very first panic attack- A HUGE ONE! (aren't they all? :p) The pressure had just built up enough to where it was as if I had a nervous break down. Evn then, there at the time of that panic attack I didn't realize that I felt like a failure and that I sucked and all that. It was all subconcious until I started going through the program and picking through my brain. Now that I'm fixing that problem, my big problem is my health. Always thinking about what I'm going to be allergic to next. And, until recently, if I felt in any shape, way or form like I did when I had that allergic reaction, (warm, dry throat, stomach upset, headache and all the symptoms of the panic attack too) that would make me panic! What a horrible cycle. Now, I'm starting to face my fear of those two things and you know, it's all in your head and what you tell yourself. It really is amazing! Oh, and another thing that has helped me immensley is totally relying on God and Jesus and studying the word. Anyway, this is the most awesome place for support and the people are the best- just keep coming back! (what they say in A.A. meetings)