Here I am, feeling better about myself (or so I think) having gone thru the program last June. The last couple of weeks have been somewhat stressful due to the fact of my kids having off from school for spring break and going away and the weather being nice and lots of running around and socializing. Last night, I was telling my husband hwo I really need to prioritize this summer and I want to go over the "12 steps to a balanced Life..." lesson.
Now, the reason I am up right now is after I went to the bathroom (I had been sleeping sound) I started thinking (not good). I was re-hashing some of my previous day and realized how judgemental I am and how much I gossip and talk about everyone to everyone!!! I mean, I was shocked to realize, out of the blue, the negativity I CREATED by talking crap about people-people who like me too! This is extremely embarassing to post, believe me. Example-I had been talking to a "friend" yesterday and told her we were invited to a party by a neighbor. Thru our conversation, I basically told her I "hated" her (the neighbor)and that she thinks she's so much better than everyone. That same day I commented to another how rude my next door neighbor was about something....How can I possibly get better when I internalize these negative thoughts about people. These are people that like to talk to me. These are people that invite me to their parties and are nice to my kids. They even look after my house when I am not here. What is wrong with me? I am glad I recognized this (not at this hour of the day!) because I really need to change this. Believe me when I say this, this has been almost subconcious, I mean I never saw this like this. I prayed to God to forgive me for acting like this and that I am going to change. I know there is a lesson from the program where Ken says how anxiety makes you pre-judge everything and stuff-I need to go over that majorly. Thanks for listening.
My Actions have Shocked and Embarassed Myself!
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Guest
Hi there, I know how you feel. It was shocking when I realized my negative gossip to and about others was ... well negative and hurtful. Please don't be so hard on yourself or obsess on it. Just let it go and try to be more aware of how you talk about others. We are not perfect. It suprising how much time we waste on thinking bad stuff about others!! And when you realize it...wow. When I was younger it seemed like harmless conversation.
Last edited by ~HealthyMe~ on Thu Apr 24, 2008 12:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
Hello, KARMERRI - FELLOW NJ PERSON.
It is startling - even surprising, when we see this "negative side of ourselves" while recovering fr anxiety disorder - FOR OURSELVES. The REALLY GREAT THING THOUGH & very instrumental in our journey - is that WE'VE REALIZED IT - you see, Maya Angelou has a phrase - PERFECT for this: <span class="ev_code_RED">"When you know better - YOU DO BETTER!"</span> Now you do know Karmerri & you too can do better! That is maturity + personal growth + courage.
You stated "how can I get better...." - Karmerri, the fact that you BECAME AWARE OF THIS - says YOU ARE ALREADY GETTING BETTER - RECOVERING = you are doing it ^^^^^^^^^^^5! Don't be embarrassed - awareness & change take great courage & maturity. Be proud you are aware - for many people go thru life NOT KNOWING BETTER OR DIFFERENT & as a result, it stays THEIR NORM - as unhealthy as it is/may be. In addition, the fact that you not only admitted it to yourself - you also posted it here on the StressCenter.com FORUM - SHOWS YOU ARE ALREADY on your way.
Sweetheart, don't worry about God forgiving you - he already has - he's your PROFESSOR in all this - supporting you & guiding you. He's smiling right now at your recognizing it & knowing you are changing it.
LOL, I laughed when you said "realzing it at this hr" hahahaahaha - while I was recovering & digging these things up - I used to call these "ephiphanny's" "MY REALIZATIONS" & trust me - they often did come at what seemed like the most inappropriate time: in the shower, just as I started to fall asleep, in the middle of the dairy section at the grocery store, or even as I was sitting in the chair at my hairdressers, lol - just SOME of the places & times I have had my very own REALIZATIONS. It just means these "issues/things" were in your subconcious = because you are creating internal changes - when you do a certain something that is no longer your NORM - it doesn't FEEL RIGHT to your internal self/subconscious self. It kind of sets off a red flag if you will. Sure, there are things you may do & say out of HABIT. However, your subconscious self is strong & changing - it recognizes that THIS THING is a NO NO W/ YOU NOW - so, it brings it to the FOREFRONT - its like your own little internal alarm clock - your own little internal support system - just so happens, they may come up at the UNSIGHTLY HRS, LOL - as long as they do sweetie.
<span class="ev_code_RED">Pls don't feel bad about yourself cause of this REALIZATION of yours. Part of our journey to recovery fr anxiety disorder is realizing LIFE IS ABOUT CHANGE - LIFE IS ABOUT OUR CONTINUAL GROWTH/EVOLUTION/CHANGING - so this event simply means YOU ARE GROWING AS A PERSON - AS A HUMAN. Be proud of yourself that you were able to recognize it - admit it - say it to yourself & heck, out loud here on the forum - you are again, on your way - you are living your life. </span>
All the best,
Lenore
It is startling - even surprising, when we see this "negative side of ourselves" while recovering fr anxiety disorder - FOR OURSELVES. The REALLY GREAT THING THOUGH & very instrumental in our journey - is that WE'VE REALIZED IT - you see, Maya Angelou has a phrase - PERFECT for this: <span class="ev_code_RED">"When you know better - YOU DO BETTER!"</span> Now you do know Karmerri & you too can do better! That is maturity + personal growth + courage.
You stated "how can I get better...." - Karmerri, the fact that you BECAME AWARE OF THIS - says YOU ARE ALREADY GETTING BETTER - RECOVERING = you are doing it ^^^^^^^^^^^5! Don't be embarrassed - awareness & change take great courage & maturity. Be proud you are aware - for many people go thru life NOT KNOWING BETTER OR DIFFERENT & as a result, it stays THEIR NORM - as unhealthy as it is/may be. In addition, the fact that you not only admitted it to yourself - you also posted it here on the StressCenter.com FORUM - SHOWS YOU ARE ALREADY on your way.
Sweetheart, don't worry about God forgiving you - he already has - he's your PROFESSOR in all this - supporting you & guiding you. He's smiling right now at your recognizing it & knowing you are changing it. LOL, I laughed when you said "realzing it at this hr" hahahaahaha - while I was recovering & digging these things up - I used to call these "ephiphanny's" "MY REALIZATIONS" & trust me - they often did come at what seemed like the most inappropriate time: in the shower, just as I started to fall asleep, in the middle of the dairy section at the grocery store, or even as I was sitting in the chair at my hairdressers, lol - just SOME of the places & times I have had my very own REALIZATIONS. It just means these "issues/things" were in your subconcious = because you are creating internal changes - when you do a certain something that is no longer your NORM - it doesn't FEEL RIGHT to your internal self/subconscious self. It kind of sets off a red flag if you will. Sure, there are things you may do & say out of HABIT. However, your subconscious self is strong & changing - it recognizes that THIS THING is a NO NO W/ YOU NOW - so, it brings it to the FOREFRONT - its like your own little internal alarm clock - your own little internal support system - just so happens, they may come up at the UNSIGHTLY HRS, LOL - as long as they do sweetie.
<span class="ev_code_RED">Pls don't feel bad about yourself cause of this REALIZATION of yours. Part of our journey to recovery fr anxiety disorder is realizing LIFE IS ABOUT CHANGE - LIFE IS ABOUT OUR CONTINUAL GROWTH/EVOLUTION/CHANGING - so this event simply means YOU ARE GROWING AS A PERSON - AS A HUMAN. Be proud of yourself that you were able to recognize it - admit it - say it to yourself & heck, out loud here on the forum - you are again, on your way - you are living your life. </span>
All the best,
Lenore
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Guest
Wow are you me? That was me to a tee...and sometimes I still get into a "gossip chain" although I try really hard to curb that. I found that I was always talking about the people that I liked and liked me....and I like you was lucky....I realized what I was doing before any of them caught on enough to not like me anymore. I remember thinking what the heck will I talk about? Ill just stand around and be all quiet. But I learned that quiet isnt so bad. And when theres a good conversation I jump in....otherwise I just kinda of listen.
I found myself doing the very same thing you are doing with parties and such...my life got to be so overwhelming (not necessarily in a terribly bad way just so much to do) that one more thing even a fun thing was upsetting and Id be all why did so and so have to invite us to the bbq...I mean my gosh we never have a day to ourselves. Hmmmmmm then I realized its not her fault for inviting its ours for over booking and we should be gratefull we have freinds that want to be with us.
Now I put me and my family first and I potiletly decline invites if we are too busy and I enjoy my freinds without talking about the others and if Im in a bad mood thats when I just dont go out and socialize. I send the kids out and stay to myself.
I waited all winter for the nice weather to come and these last weeks have been wonderfull but I hear you its exhausting....we are coming in late and going to bed late and with school still in session its been a little bit harder on everyone....but thats just because its new and exciting and it will all balance out in time.
Dont beat yourself up.....the past is the past and you can make good positive changes from this point on. Your gonna feel so much better and your freindships will be so much better.
Dodger
I found myself doing the very same thing you are doing with parties and such...my life got to be so overwhelming (not necessarily in a terribly bad way just so much to do) that one more thing even a fun thing was upsetting and Id be all why did so and so have to invite us to the bbq...I mean my gosh we never have a day to ourselves. Hmmmmmm then I realized its not her fault for inviting its ours for over booking and we should be gratefull we have freinds that want to be with us.
Now I put me and my family first and I potiletly decline invites if we are too busy and I enjoy my freinds without talking about the others and if Im in a bad mood thats when I just dont go out and socialize. I send the kids out and stay to myself.
I waited all winter for the nice weather to come and these last weeks have been wonderfull but I hear you its exhausting....we are coming in late and going to bed late and with school still in session its been a little bit harder on everyone....but thats just because its new and exciting and it will all balance out in time.
Dont beat yourself up.....the past is the past and you can make good positive changes from this point on. Your gonna feel so much better and your freindships will be so much better.
Dodger
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Guest
Wow - I can totally relate too! I think it is a HUGE step, though, when we recognize and realize the problem! That is a great big part of the battle to overcome our negativity. Kudos to you for seeing and acknowledging this problem!!!
Sometimes, at least in my case, I think we do the gossip/negative talk thing about others because we feel the need to get someone else "on our side"...like we want a friend or at least someone to agree with us...it gives us a weird (albeit FALSE) sense of power or confidence. A big thing for me was realizing that I didn't NEED these things like I thought (or actually, didn't even consciously think, but I sure acted that way!!) I did. When I started having confidence in myself I found that I was less negative toward others and could actually be a better friend...or, you know what? In some cases, realized that I didn't need to be "friends" with someone. Taking off those smudged "negativity sunglasses" was a real eye opener!
You are in the right track for sure! GOod for you!
Blessings,
Dawn
Sometimes, at least in my case, I think we do the gossip/negative talk thing about others because we feel the need to get someone else "on our side"...like we want a friend or at least someone to agree with us...it gives us a weird (albeit FALSE) sense of power or confidence. A big thing for me was realizing that I didn't NEED these things like I thought (or actually, didn't even consciously think, but I sure acted that way!!) I did. When I started having confidence in myself I found that I was less negative toward others and could actually be a better friend...or, you know what? In some cases, realized that I didn't need to be "friends" with someone. Taking off those smudged "negativity sunglasses" was a real eye opener!
You are in the right track for sure! GOod for you!
Blessings,
Dawn