Speaking Up For Yourself

Inside Man · Post by **Inside Man** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 12:31 pm

Hello Everyone,
I'm on Session 7. In the past when I had to speak up for myself I've done it and there have been times when I should have and didn't. It's like you get dumbfounded and can't come up with the right words and later you can think of exactly what you want to say, but your moment has passed. Anybody else have this happen to them? I can get along with just about anybody except my wife's older brother. He thinks he's smarter and better than me,I guess. In the past he would make remarks to me and I wouldn't say anything because my wife would say 'Oh he's just picking' and I kinda wanted to keep the peace. But that's the past and this is now. He doesn't smart off at me now but if he did I would put him in his place, wife there or not. I've come to realize that I don't have to be liked by him. I don't hate him I just don't like him and that's okay. If he doesn't like me which is apparent, that's okay too. I'm married to his sister and that's all that matters to me. I love her and that's all that counts.
Any comments?

Thanks,
Inside Man

Sybil · Post by **Sybil** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 1:10 pm

(I am also on Session 7)
I really like your post because of how you are being assertive without being angry/hateful with your brother-in-law.
I also think of "just the right thing to say" too late/later and feel "put on the spot" when I'm in the situation. Maybe people sense I'm some kind of "whipping post target," because I too like to "keep the peace" -sometimes at all costs, which then sometimes includes my dignity!
My problem is also that I get angry and resentful with people later when I am not assertive, but now I realize that I am not mad at them, but at myself, for not being assertive! Thanks for starting this post.

KRISTEN · Post by **KRISTEN** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 5:16 pm

I guess you can call me Simon Cowell

I say what I want and hold nothing back,don`t like it sorry. Dont ever let anybody talk down to you or act like they are better than you cause thier not. Stand your ground always,you`ll be glad you did.

Inside Man · Post by **Inside Man** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 2:12 pm

Hello Sybil,
I hope you are learning to be more assertive. As for me I am these days. I feel more comfortable and confident. Just practice, practice, practice.

All my best,
Inside Man

Inside Man · Post by **Inside Man** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 2:18 pm

Hello Kristin,
Quote: Don't ever let anybody talk down to you or act like they are better than you because they are not.

I totally agree. Thank you for your advice. I like Chris Daughtry too!

All my best,
Inside Man

Tishia · Post by **Tishia** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:26 am

This is a HUGE struggle for me. I let people walk all over me and have no idea how to stop. I am only on lesson 2 at the moment. I can't stand how I am. My Daddy raised me to stick up for myself but I am so scared that I will make someone mad or hurt their feelings or worse yet not like me anymore.

Guess I am just a wimp.

P.S. I LOVE american idol LOL

Inside Man · Post by **Inside Man** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:04 pm

Hello Tishia,
This is a process. It will take some time and hard work but you can get there. Believe me if I can, you can too. You need to stick up for yourself. If you make someone mad, and you probably will, they'll get over it and if you hurt their feelings, you can apologize if you feel you need to. But if someone doesn't like you anymore because you are assertive and standing up for yourself, then that's too bad because standing up for yourself is worth it. So you can feel good about yourself. Lucinda says in the program that some people will like you and some people won't no matter what you do. You can't please everybody. You say you let people walk all over you and have no idea how to stop it. Well you can do that by standing up for yourself assertively. You are not a wimp. You just need to be more assertive and stand up for yourself. Now think about that. If you don't, who will?

All my best,
Inside Man

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:39 am

some people will like you and some people won't no matter what you do. You can't please everybody.

This is so true. We don't have to be perfect.

Who's perfect? Nobody. Does anyone respond perfectly all of the time? No.

I think you're on the right track Inside Man!

Just remember, that even though your brother-in-law is rude--you don't have to be. Sometimes the best thing to do is to change the subject, take a deep breath and/or say nothing at all.

Your brother-in-law may never like you. But he has to respect (at least deep down on the inside

) you when you are calm/assertive.

Inside Man · Post by **Inside Man** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 4:10 pm

Hello MC Grace,
I feel like I'm on the right track too. I can say what is on my mind and I don't have to be rude. I've learned that. And if my brother-in-law never likes me, that's okay. I like me enough for the both of us. LOL I have learned a lot about being calm and assertive and I'm still learning. You are never too old to learn. Take care.

All my best,
Inside Man

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:42 pm

awesome. i like your sense of humor! here's to lifelong learning!