Update

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 5:37 am

Hi all. I appreciate your messages and am a step up on the ladder today. I think the Lamitcal was making me crazy- or crazier. I just was worse on it than off. I was terribly anxious then deeply depressed. EVERYTHING was wrong- you know how that feels? My husband lost it on me and we had world war three. He took every insecurity and worry and brought it to life, even saying that he'd take the baby to daycare everyday to keep her from me out of spite. She's the one thing that keeps me in reality and grounded everyday. I went down to feeling suicidal and he left with the baby. This is funny. I called a suicide prevention hotline, and the girl just sat there. Boy, you know you're a loser when....
He came back and apologized. I'm hving trouble forgiving and forgetting. I told him I didn't want to be married to him. If ya'll only knew how much he's put up with for me, that's so unfair of me, but everything he said is replaying in my mind like a bad record.
When I went up on the Lamictal yesterday, the headache was unbearable and I was out of my mind. So he stopped pushing me to give it a shot. We talked and yada, yada, yada. We're trying a new medicine. My mom is on her way down so I don't have to be scared and alone until this passes. And I believe it will pass.
Oh wait, cancel the new med. The nurse just called and said we'd hold off on trying anything until the other gets out of my system. Great- leave me floundering. We suggested a different drug based on less side effects and he said no to that when it's time to try something. That means he'll put me on something with weight gain, and I have like one outfit I can wear. Huummm- I guess I'll be burning the washing machine up. I already gained 25 lbs in one month- uuuhhhh.
Well, dern, It's one day at a time and we'll face whatever comes along. Thanks again for the thoughts and prayers. It can only get better. right?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 5:56 am

I'm glad to hear your Mom is coming to be with you. Sometimes it helps just to have someone sit with you until a crisis passes. Sorry to hear the hotline lady was of no help. Maybe she was going thru her own crisis at the time?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 7:23 am

Hi Beverly

Thanks so much for the post, I know I was wondering about you, you were and still are in my thoughts. I agree with Mary sometimes you just need your Mom.. please take care of yourself.. and remember, no marriage is easy, if they were then I would be out a job.. forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.. live and let god- thanks again for the post sista! best wishes always

KEEP IN TOUCH!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 7:41 am

Hello..I am new here, but not new to panic disorder..I have suffered from panic for 30 years. At one time, in my 20's I was totally housebound..that sucked! It has been a struggle, but you can improve your quality of life, as I have done it. I still have ups and downs, but I will never be housebound again. I decided one day that I was going to go to college, I had to drive 50 miles one-way to get there..I told myself I was going to do it and if I had a panic attack the damned thing better kill me because I was going to school! What was strange was that I really meant it! I truly was ready to improve or die! Amazingly I did ok, sure, once in awhile while driving there I would get a bit panicky..thats when I would look for an exit to get off the freeway and call someone..usually by the time I got to the exit I could talk myself into going to the next exit and eventually I would get there..the more I did it the better I got.
I just want to say..it can be done, but I think you have to get angry, and make up your mind to get well at all cost! When I say well, i am not implying that we are all sick..this just happens to be our lot in life for whatever the reason. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! Panic holds you hostage..because you fear it..when it no longer can scare you..it can't control you..it is like the bully on the playground..stand up to it! It will be scary..but the more you do it the better you get at it. What other alternative is there?

For me now the biggest problem is depression, I'm not sure if its panic related or situtional..my boyfriend committed suicide 11 years ago and just now I am having panic again. The depression has gotten so bad that I didnt work, lost my home and my car was repo'd....talk about a bunch of crap!

I also have spent sometime around my mother..she absolutely drives me insane and I believe for whatever the reason, she triggers alot of bad vibes in me, she is and always has been very critical, mean spirited, and controlling..she is always in a crisis..a burned-out light bulb is a major melt down to her..anyway..good luck to all of you

Dodger · Post by **Dodger** » Thu May 01, 2008 6:03 pm

Mary, You are right. I'll never know what the lady on the hotline was dealing with herself. I just know she was a volunteer trying to help out. I shouldn't have been so judgemental.