Assertiveness & Parents

[Sandilyn]

I grew up as a child of an alcholic who is now recovered. But when I'm with my Father I revert into the mode of people pleasing and trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict.

The last few years I've assisted my Father with his health problems, Dr. visits, medicines and hospital stays. Recently he has disobeyed Dr. orders and lied to Dr. in order to manipulate situation into his favor.

The last few months I've been feeling resentful because he wants me involved with his care on his terms but I do not agree with his choices and decisions on all matters. He is still able to run his affairs--but has some diminished ability and is trying to hold on to his freedoms.

I'm having a problem being assertive with him because there is no other close indviduals in his life--and I do want to help him out of love. However, lately I've been assertive and have disagreed with him but I am afraid to push the conflict too far--becasue he is very stubborn and can be unreasonable. At the same time I feel guilt about stepping back and allowing him to run his life without me because I see how much he needs me.

It is becoming very difficult though because I feel like he expects me to help him, takes me for granted on certain matters and tries to manipulate me to do what he wants--and I feel like a 7 year old child again. Any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of parent and personality. I don't feel like nor do I want to cut off ties--but conversation is not working......

[Guest]

You are changing by becoming more assertive and improving yourself. Your father remains stubborn and unreasonable . You love your father and don't want him to cause further harm to himself, but, he does not improve himself enough to take care of himself. He continues to activate your guilt response to get you to facilitate his unchanged habits. He doesn't want to help you by being more responsible for his health.
Look for a philanthropic hospice service that would provide transportation to clients similar to your father. Department of Transportation ,Senior services, Public Transportation Department may all be funded by philanthropies for these services to the public.. Your church or his church may have a service? Look for help to help you help him.