Maeggie,
I forgot to ask you, are you on any medication for your disorder?
Kathleenjh
EXTREME Anxiety/panic/depression
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Guest
I probably shouldn't even respond to this but I am going to say one thing--doubt usually means don't. If you have doubts about a relationship chances are it isn't the one for you. These doubts only grow and fester into something more. Sounds like you need to sit down and really think about what it is you want. Make a list of what you love about him, what you respect about him, and what you tolerate out of him. This is a real eye opener. The longest list is usally the telltale sign. I don't mean to add confusion here but staying with someone because it's safe isn't really a good reason to stay. Good luck with your decision.
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Guest
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE FOR YOUR RESPONSES- I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart!
<span class="ev_code_RED">Kathleen:</span> Thank you so much for sharing your story and helping me understand your circumstances. I do know how difficult it can be to be with someone who you KNOW you have no future with but stay anyways, I certainly did in my last relationship- he was moody and insecure, I was also, we fed off eachother, we would argue and it would escalate to the point of abuse towards one another. I also know even to this day when we correspond, he would not be the one I could be with today, I have grown, he hasnt. My current man would do anything to help keep us strong, I suggested we do the program together and he agreed happily, saying he knows there are things he needs to learn- I think we can grow together and I DO see a wonderful future with him however, like us all our thoughts play major games on us- I do wonder if my man loves me to just be in love also, when we went through a brief separation he did have someone else immediately, someone who always chased him but at the time he stated he was using her for work purposes, he never wanted her and nothing between them happened, I also saw someone else during this period. It made us both relize what we have. I think for us both too (as very independent people- we have ALWAYS split every bill, always done our own things, traveled, holidays etc.) it take time for us to grow together, I know today we are much more a couple then before. You write very well, and explain your story truthfully, to that I am so grateful. You have no idea how much you have helped me! I am on meds- currently effexor. I have tried Celexa, Zoloft & cipralex. Thus far the zoloft kept me the steadiest but it made me nauseated, effexor is ok, major weight loss and still depressed but upping the dosage soon. Are you or have you been on meds? AGAIN, your story truly helped me see somethings, I forgot what a toxic relationship I was in before and how much room to grow I have now. How is your current man different?
<span class="ev_code_BLUE">KRISTEN</span>: WOW girl your post is powerful! for the exact reasons you spoke about is why I have not left, I think I know deep down that we have built this little life, we have room to grow and I know I havent given it a complete shot (with being enveloped in this anxiety ocd and depression!) but I do truly appreciate your vote of confidence, sometimes that one person who says, hey, Im there, Im good with it, THINK ABOUT IT makes all the difference. It is hard on here to just say 'yeah leave' or 'no dont' b.c. everyone is different, every situation is different.. but your post was very genuine. I truly believe that I must look at my actions, (I tend to be the 'abuser' if any) and figure out how to work with him, I am always saying "we just dont work" but can I answer saying, I am making an effort to understand him to? GOOD POINT SISTER! I hope you are proud of your maturity and security with him, dont forget, "behind every great man is a great women" - - THANKS A MILLION KRISTEN!
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">JUGRAY</span>why shouldnt you respond? lol.. Thanks for the insight, I do think you have valid points. I am a fan of writing! BUT how do you decifer what is honest doubt or just ocd?
<span class="ev_code_BLUE">THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE!</span>
<span class="ev_code_RED">Kathleen:</span> Thank you so much for sharing your story and helping me understand your circumstances. I do know how difficult it can be to be with someone who you KNOW you have no future with but stay anyways, I certainly did in my last relationship- he was moody and insecure, I was also, we fed off eachother, we would argue and it would escalate to the point of abuse towards one another. I also know even to this day when we correspond, he would not be the one I could be with today, I have grown, he hasnt. My current man would do anything to help keep us strong, I suggested we do the program together and he agreed happily, saying he knows there are things he needs to learn- I think we can grow together and I DO see a wonderful future with him however, like us all our thoughts play major games on us- I do wonder if my man loves me to just be in love also, when we went through a brief separation he did have someone else immediately, someone who always chased him but at the time he stated he was using her for work purposes, he never wanted her and nothing between them happened, I also saw someone else during this period. It made us both relize what we have. I think for us both too (as very independent people- we have ALWAYS split every bill, always done our own things, traveled, holidays etc.) it take time for us to grow together, I know today we are much more a couple then before. You write very well, and explain your story truthfully, to that I am so grateful. You have no idea how much you have helped me! I am on meds- currently effexor. I have tried Celexa, Zoloft & cipralex. Thus far the zoloft kept me the steadiest but it made me nauseated, effexor is ok, major weight loss and still depressed but upping the dosage soon. Are you or have you been on meds? AGAIN, your story truly helped me see somethings, I forgot what a toxic relationship I was in before and how much room to grow I have now. How is your current man different?
<span class="ev_code_BLUE">KRISTEN</span>: WOW girl your post is powerful! for the exact reasons you spoke about is why I have not left, I think I know deep down that we have built this little life, we have room to grow and I know I havent given it a complete shot (with being enveloped in this anxiety ocd and depression!) but I do truly appreciate your vote of confidence, sometimes that one person who says, hey, Im there, Im good with it, THINK ABOUT IT makes all the difference. It is hard on here to just say 'yeah leave' or 'no dont' b.c. everyone is different, every situation is different.. but your post was very genuine. I truly believe that I must look at my actions, (I tend to be the 'abuser' if any) and figure out how to work with him, I am always saying "we just dont work" but can I answer saying, I am making an effort to understand him to? GOOD POINT SISTER! I hope you are proud of your maturity and security with him, dont forget, "behind every great man is a great women" - - THANKS A MILLION KRISTEN!
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">JUGRAY</span>why shouldnt you respond? lol.. Thanks for the insight, I do think you have valid points. I am a fan of writing! BUT how do you decifer what is honest doubt or just ocd?
<span class="ev_code_BLUE">THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE!</span>
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Guest
Mae,
I said that because I was referring to myself. I stayed in a relationship that wasn't working for way too long. It's strange you know it's over before it's actually over, but you pretty much spend your time trying to convince yourself that it's not. So I did that for about a year, and stayed with my "safe" person, not realizing until I started this program, that he was the cause of a lot of my anxiety. Now I'm almost finished with the program, and I've read some good books on co-dependency, and I realize that I was masking the real problem, my fear of being alone. You asked about how I knew if it was doubt or just OCD. That's very hard. You have to base it on evidence. The ocd with me comes from false information. Things I just make up to obsess about. But when I sit down and actually write real events and real conversations down, and then I ask myself do I feel better or worse having been through this situation with this person, it usually becomes obvious. Clear as mud right? Best of luck with your decision, why is the personal stuff so hard? Wish someone would just assign me a partner to go through life with LOL!
I said that because I was referring to myself. I stayed in a relationship that wasn't working for way too long. It's strange you know it's over before it's actually over, but you pretty much spend your time trying to convince yourself that it's not. So I did that for about a year, and stayed with my "safe" person, not realizing until I started this program, that he was the cause of a lot of my anxiety. Now I'm almost finished with the program, and I've read some good books on co-dependency, and I realize that I was masking the real problem, my fear of being alone. You asked about how I knew if it was doubt or just OCD. That's very hard. You have to base it on evidence. The ocd with me comes from false information. Things I just make up to obsess about. But when I sit down and actually write real events and real conversations down, and then I ask myself do I feel better or worse having been through this situation with this person, it usually becomes obvious. Clear as mud right? Best of luck with your decision, why is the personal stuff so hard? Wish someone would just assign me a partner to go through life with LOL!
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CarolynEd.Dir.
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 8:31 pm
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Guest
Maeggie,
Yes, I am currently on Paxil. I am weaning myself from it as we speak. I started 15 years ago on 20ml and have cut down to 5ml. I do know that it numbed me out on a lot of things, good and bad. I wondered if the lack of physical attraction is how you really feel or if you are experiencing a numbness. I know that when I was on the higher does of paxil not even Gerard Butler (the Phantom on Phantom of the Opera) did it for me so I knew the medicine was doing something to my drive so to speak. You have a lot of issues on your plate and I have no doubt you will figure it out on your own and in your own time. Pray and let it go the answer will come. When the student is ready the teacher will appear (old chinese proverb).
Best to you Maeggie,
Kathleen
Yes, I am currently on Paxil. I am weaning myself from it as we speak. I started 15 years ago on 20ml and have cut down to 5ml. I do know that it numbed me out on a lot of things, good and bad. I wondered if the lack of physical attraction is how you really feel or if you are experiencing a numbness. I know that when I was on the higher does of paxil not even Gerard Butler (the Phantom on Phantom of the Opera) did it for me so I knew the medicine was doing something to my drive so to speak. You have a lot of issues on your plate and I have no doubt you will figure it out on your own and in your own time. Pray and let it go the answer will come. When the student is ready the teacher will appear (old chinese proverb).
Best to you Maeggie,
Kathleen
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Guest
Maeggie --
You have everything you need inside you to make the right decision and to manuever through this speed bump. Take some quiet time to yourself and journal about what you really want. THe answers will come because they are inside you, right along with the strength and courage you may not realize you have.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and I know that you can do anything you put your mind to.
Much Love!
Lilsis
You have everything you need inside you to make the right decision and to manuever through this speed bump. Take some quiet time to yourself and journal about what you really want. THe answers will come because they are inside you, right along with the strength and courage you may not realize you have.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and I know that you can do anything you put your mind to.
Much Love!
Lilsis
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Guest
Maeggie,
yes i am currently weaning off paxil and it is a slow process. It confuses me as to what numbness is meds. and what is me. My relationship now with my husband is very relaxed and i have no desire to change him like i did the others. I like who he is when no one is looking. I tended to date guys that were one way with the public and totally different at home. I can be myself and we get along really really good. I respect him and love him. I love starting my day with him over a cup of coffee and i love our pillow talk at night. Sorry it took so lone to respond my 28 yefar old daughter had surgery on her wrist today and i have her 2 girls 6 and 1 1/2. I've been hopping all day long.
yes i am currently weaning off paxil and it is a slow process. It confuses me as to what numbness is meds. and what is me. My relationship now with my husband is very relaxed and i have no desire to change him like i did the others. I like who he is when no one is looking. I tended to date guys that were one way with the public and totally different at home. I can be myself and we get along really really good. I respect him and love him. I love starting my day with him over a cup of coffee and i love our pillow talk at night. Sorry it took so lone to respond my 28 yefar old daughter had surgery on her wrist today and i have her 2 girls 6 and 1 1/2. I've been hopping all day long.
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Guest
HI Kathleen: thanks so much for your posts. You have made many many valid points. This has been a very huge growing experience for me. I have been able to come from confusion into stress and worry, into panic and back out to being ok and sure of my decision. Isnt that something? I cant believe how lost I felt and how two days later I am much more secure in my decision. I think these 'doubt' thoughts are another set of thoughts we must be conscience to push back also. I relized that I am exactly where I want to be for now. I am able to discover myself, grow, learn and make some money along the way (which is a GREAT bonus!!)-- so nonetheless with all of this wonderful advice and sharing of experiences I was able to make a decision I am good with 
I wonder about the meds too- I had a higher then normal drive before and now non-existent, meds are the only that changed however, I switched my meds to taking them in the morning and I am noticing a large difference already, especially in the sex department, last night I was ALMOST frisky! lol.. AND your point about enjoying a cup of coffee and pillow talk is a great point, the little things in life right? I also enjoy those little things with him- THANKS A MILLION KATH FOR ALL YOUR HELP AND SHARING!!
Lil Sis: ohhh yess.. you are right, Beverly said one thing to me that made all the difference, she said, strip all of your negative thoughts away, put them at the feet of god and then ask, what do I feel? its amazing how those little buggers (negative thoughts) creep in and make you doubt everything! Thanks for the good advice!
I wonder about the meds too- I had a higher then normal drive before and now non-existent, meds are the only that changed however, I switched my meds to taking them in the morning and I am noticing a large difference already, especially in the sex department, last night I was ALMOST frisky! lol.. AND your point about enjoying a cup of coffee and pillow talk is a great point, the little things in life right? I also enjoy those little things with him- THANKS A MILLION KATH FOR ALL YOUR HELP AND SHARING!!Lil Sis: ohhh yess.. you are right, Beverly said one thing to me that made all the difference, she said, strip all of your negative thoughts away, put them at the feet of god and then ask, what do I feel? its amazing how those little buggers (negative thoughts) creep in and make you doubt everything! Thanks for the good advice!
Maeggie,
You sound very strong in your letter. Hurray for you! Self doubt can leave us so confused. You should be very proud of yourself, you wisely looked at this at all angles and then made an informed decision. Sounds like a strong move to me. I quess you could say that is exactly what is missing in our panicy/anxiety states, we rush to a 'sky is falling' attitude and neglect go hold it in the light. Sounds like you are working the program.
Simple pleasures are the best!! Best to you.
Kathleen
You sound very strong in your letter. Hurray for you! Self doubt can leave us so confused. You should be very proud of yourself, you wisely looked at this at all angles and then made an informed decision. Sounds like a strong move to me.
I quess you could say that is exactly what is missing in our panicy/anxiety states, we rush to a 'sky is falling' attitude and neglect go hold it in the light. Sounds like you are working the program.Simple pleasures are the best!! Best to you.
Kathleen