suicide thoughts?the will to live

Wretched mind · Post by **Wretched mind** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 4:43 pm

this is hard to talk about but since everyonelse on here has problems i want to get it off my shoulder...atleast something off my shoulder it seems the weight of the world is won't lift.I know i have to find the will to live to find a reason a purpose...i woke up this morning feeling better...but then im hanging around a group of people and im the introvert ill joke a little just to relax if only for the moment...then i feel like life isint worth living.from 6 years old to 10 years old i was abused by my own sister whos a few years older then me...a broken home. my fathers a drug addict who i cant count on cuz i hardly see him.ive been beaten up bullied...i could go on but everyoneelse has problems to im no whiner.the point is noone cares,but since people on here are in the same boat,i dont know what to do about these feelings.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 4:58 pm

I don't have much in the way of answers, but I can relate. I can wake up fine and before the end of the day, the thoughts can suddenly come on. I over ate this week, gaining some weight and I feel disgusted with myself. I will start badgering myself with thoughts that I'm ugly, undesireable, unworthy and it just gets worse. Then all of a sudden, it'll be- I don't want to be here anymore. I have the same problems as you in groups- a bit of social phobia that has gotten worse b/c I believe I don't fit in, am not good enough, and they don't understand me. People sometimes don't seem to care, and that hurts. It helps for me to refocus my thoughts when they come my way. I might pray or use a mantra until it goes away. I spend a lot of time here to occupy my mind and responding to others helps me feel better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 07, 2008 4:17 pm

i just signed up to be a member because i saw this post. i understand those feelings like you want to be someone else, like you just want it to be "over" because over is the only solution you can see. The main thing that helps me with those thoughts is using positive self-talk every time I feel a negative thought coming on. I repeat a mantra to myself, just like bevhembree mentioned. in the program lucinda tells us to do it even if you don't believe it and then soon you will. i really struggle with being with people one on one, so even starting in the morning when i'm still relaxed, i tell myself, "i'm fine just the way i am, just the way God made me". this helps me relax when i talk to people because i'm constantly saying it to myself during a conversation. then no matter what happens i know i'm fine. it doesn't matter what other people think. it sounds like you're having some social anxiety so i would highly recommend a mantra and stick with it. say it to yourself ALL the time, more than you think. I just repeat mine over and over and over again. You have to replace those thoughts and your feelings will follow suit. It's the key! Good luck, your in my prayers.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:15 am

I care.

I don't know you, I realize that, but it breaks my heart to read your words. Not that I have the answers, although I wish that I did. I've been to the place where I wished someone would hit my car and kill me because I just coulnd't do it myself. (I never thought about what the driver of the other car would have to deal with through - that is how our disease [depression/anxiety] works and pollutes our minds).

If you truly feel suicidal you should seek out some professional intervention. Call someone. Soon. If these are just insistant, nagging thoughts that run through your head, you still may need to talk to a professional, but please remember - you are not only the sum of the things that happened to you...or the destructive things that you do to yourself today. You are on this planet for a purpose...there is something that you were put here to do that ONLY you can do...and if you take yourself out of the equation before it gets done - it just won't get done.

I don't say that to add any stress to your life, although I know that it can especially when we can't figure out what the reason for our existance is! However, your life is a process and a journey...you are not supposed to have a blueprint laid out for you to know every answer - and sometimes (ok - often!

) that is frustrating for humans!

If you are working through this program...please continue through. Seek outside help as needed. Don't limit yourself by the vision that you have of yourself right now - you are much more than that...and you are worth far more than the darkness that you are seeing at the moment.

We put a lot of "shoulds" on ourselves and others (and they in turn put them on us!) and set up ridiculously high expectations that we fail to live up to and then we allow ourselves to be called failures or faulty as a result. These things are LIES. Don't believe them.

No matter what happened in the past or what you don't like in the present (or the dark and limited vision you have for the future) you were created for a purpose...and it is a good one. You are worthy. You are worth it. You are valuable. You are precious. You are loved.

Dawn

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:34 am

hi
as i read this a thought came in my mind.WHEN THINGS GO BAD I CAN'T FIX IT BUT HE CAN..i know that others will hurt us and abuse us and yet we find the strength to go on. and you have not whined but you let us know that your world seems to fall apart and i know SOMEONE that can fix it..know that you are loved by others and we are here for you. if you ever get a chance please read my profile..its proof of WHAT GOD CAN DO.some think they can do it themselves but it takes a higher power from somewhere.what ever you decide to use to fix it and make it better. then i wish you the very best of luck.let me know how you are doing and i will listen to anything you say and if i can help you as i know others will say as well..let me know. thanks and GOD BLESS..
DON
IF I CAN DO IT THEN YOU CAN TOO..

epa · Post by **epa** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 3:11 pm

Hey there man, read some of your post about suicide. I very sorry about the things that happened to you. Isnt it something how what we go through as a child shapes us so much. You are to be commended for even wanting to take steps to better yourself emotionally. How are you are manageing today?

J King

Mr. Toby · Post by **Mr. Toby** » Tue Apr 22, 2008 4:08 pm

I care! I am sorry for the tough stuff you had to deal with growing up, I hope you can find comfort knowing you have people you can talk to here and who will not judge or look down on you for simply being you. You are not alone and you are worthy, I think we all question what are purpose is on this planet, some people know why they are here right from the start and some may have their answers sooner than others, some continue to search and that makes each of us unique and grow into the individuals we are. So I pray that you will not give up, continue to grow and find peace. We don't know each other but I am a great listner and a good friend so anytime you need to take some of that weight off of your shoulder let me know!