When the thoughts are not fake!

Candiandricky · Post by **Candiandricky** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:42 am

Ok, so when your thoughts are stuff that can really happen and it is not far fetched how do you counter act that with a positive because it seems so fake...

Ex: I am pregnant and thinking that my baby might be born early or with a mental problem or something is something that GOD forbid could happen, and I try to tell myself that it is fine and that he is fine and I just can't stop thinking about it..

What do you do????

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:22 am

Hi! I believe I am dealing with something similar. It is very possible that what you are having anxiety about is not fake thoughts drudged up in your ming. I believe the only way to ease that gut wrenching pain is to get professional confirmation from your doctor through testing of the ambiotic fluid. (sorry if that's spelled incorrectly). I relate to your fear in that I think my husband is a closet homosexual, and we have been married for 40 years. I can't afford to live on my own and he continues to lie and sneak around.. He screams at me that I am crazy and better get my mind fixed. Anxiety is torture. I have captures three specific items with DNA in them that would either prove him guilty or not. If I send them for forensic DNA testing, he will just walk out and leave me in poverty. What do you think?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:37 am

Well, I heard a lot of negative stuff in those statements. You can do this on your own, and you don't need your husband if he treats you like that. Do what you think is the best for you, and don't let anyone tell you different..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:09 am

I think that everything that happens in life, even the bad stuff, happens for a reason. Sometimes it helps us to learn compassion for another person that may come into your life. Perhaps your knowledge and experience shared with them will be enough to save their life. I know that having gone through post partum depression myself, I now can see and recognize it in young moms and I can say to them... Hey! This is what you may be dealing with... get help!
Anyway, life's experiences can make us stronger and can help us to help others. That's my thoughts.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:24 am

Hi Ricky
Just a thought to counter act your neg thoughts hon. Maybe you could get some facts on birth defects such as what is the percentage how likely would it be that you would even fall into that catagorie. Arm youself with some basic facts, so that you can enjoy your pregnancy oh honey it is such a blessing to have a beautiful new baby coming and by the way congrat's. I am sure that everything will be ok but try to tell youself I will love this baby no matter what wow how exciting to see my brand new baby and keep yourself busy with positive things for the baby as well. Names, decorating the room my little God daughter was born at 7 months and is now a healty happy 9 year old with tons of energy sweetie and such a blessing to us all. So I hope this helps a bit if you need to talk pm me anytime and again what an awesome time in your live sweetie try to enjoy it and remember that is your beautiful baby no matter how things turn out and God never gives us more than we can handle.
God bless and congrat's
Mimi

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:25 am

STOP right there -
ANXIETY is exactly that - worrying about what if's...almost all anxiety is about things that could really happen. The problem is worrying about what negative things could happen takes away your present moment. You have to let go of all the what if's - because a million terrible things COULD happen but you don't need to put that stress on your brain going through every scenario. Focus on the present moment, LET GO OF THE WHAT-IF'S????

Do something nice for someone you love, or just be extra friendly to someone you meet at the grocery store or coffee shop. It'll help you feel part of a community...and get your mind off of yourself.

Good luck

Heather

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:00 am

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that i had the same problem about my baby having issues when he was born. I drove myself nuts for months and we had him a week ago today and he is perfect! I am kinda pissed at myself that i let myself get sooo caught up in my negative "what ifing" that i didn't allow myself to enjoy the last few months of pregnancy. Now (unfortunately), i am worried i am going to get postpartum. I did with my daughter, but now i am on lexapro so hopefully it will help. I have a bit of ocd with just thoughts, does anyone know if lexapro will help? Take care and quit worrying if you can...i know its hard!!!

Also, what everyone else said is true.. doing something nice for someone makes you feel better about yourself. My mom always yells at me (i'm 35 yrs old mind you) that i need to start being a little more "self less" and think about other people more than myself. It's true!!

Good luck with everything!!
'Teasha

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:11 am

Thanks to everyone who responded. I will try to volunteer or something.

Candi

cfe · Post by **cfe** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:46 am

This is a topic that I was just thinking about today. It's one thing to stop worry about "imaginary" things, but another for real life events. I'm not pregnant, but I have a husband that has a medical condition of fainting. He usually faints when he's sick but one time he did when he wasn't. We were supposed to go on vacation last week - I worried for weeks and hoped nothing would happen and it did. He got sick right before our trip and did have a fainting episode. We had to cancel our trip.
It was so traumatic to me, because the thing I worried about really did come true.
How do you handle real bad stuff???

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:03 pm

Look back at your life...
You are stronger for everything you have been through. You have never experienced anything so far that you can't deal with. Life may be difficult at times, but you made it this far. How did you cope in the past? Friends? Family? Throwing yourself into work? Exercise? Baking? Try to allow yourself time to grieve for the situation but don't stay there forever.

There is a big difference in worrying about bad things and dealing with bad things once they arrive. It becomes "real" only once it has happened, not in the months of worry before. Certainly if you spend a lot of time worrying about things, eventually one of those things is bound to become "real". The more you worry, the higher your odds are of something becoming real. However, it is a waste of your energy to worry about all the potential "real" problems.
Try to focus on all the amazing things in your daily life - like good food, exercise, social time - maximize your friendships by confiding in friends and allowing others to help you.

Don't spend the calm days when nothing is ACTUALLY happening worrying about the what ifs.
Enjoy the time you have with your husband every day - if bad things happen you will be capable of dealing with them.

Love and light

Heather