sibling rivalry

tforty185 · Post by **tforty185** » Sun Mar 02, 2008 5:16 pm

I have two kids. A boy (8) and a girl (3 1/2). Everything is somewhat fine when they are apart, but when they are together, they are terrible! It spikes up my anxiety real fast to where I just don't want to deal with it. I am depressed right now, so it makes me feel like I can't handle it. Anyways, the little girl torments my boy all the time, needs to be first in everything, and they bicker and bicker. Playing around a lot, which is fine, but I'd like some peace and quiet sometimes. This depression is all I am worried about. Anyways, I just wanted to vent. Thanks.

Annie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 10:16 am

Have you read 123 Magic - Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 written by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D? I read this and now have more peace in my home by applying the techniques. I really wish I had read it 10 years ago.
I hope you are having a better day.
Please take care.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:45 am

Hi tforty.

First of all, your little girl is 3 years old, she should go first in everything. She's a baby.

I had 2 daughters 3 years apart (although they are grown up now). I used to have storytime with them to calm them down. We would read some of the hundreds of books that I bought for them. At story time they were "close friends" even if they had just finished arguing about something. After we've finished reading, it would be a very long time until they started making a lot of noise again.

A lot of times it's just that children need something to do.

DeeDee.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:22 am

Hi, I have 3 young children... 10, 7 1/2 and almost 7. My 7 1/2 year is adopted. We have a lot of picking and fighting from all 3 of them wanting to be first and my lap. Or who is going to sit next me at dinner, or on the bed while we watch TV. And now after our 2 yr long divorce... and the stress and hurt from that which we all feel. it has been a long winter in Missouri. I so looking forward to spring and summer.

Yes, when my children fight or get upset because they cannot have their way it does increase my aniexty and I worry a lot about being a good mama, and worry about how my depression effects them. I stress over dinner time.. I can cook the best foods and they will not eat... they pick at each other the dinner table over dumbs things.

My biggest stess levels is getting out of the house for school or church.. it seems we can be doing great then one them calls the other a name it starts the ball rolling... I get very frustrated, because I do not like chaos or loud out of order commotion. I like calm, quite and peace.

Sherrie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:13 am

I agree that the 1-2-3 Magic book is a great place to start! (The author also sells video tapes, but they were not worth the money because it was exactly the same as the book). It really works!

Emma Rose · Post by **Emma Rose** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:29 am

I have three children, 16, 11, 8. I know all children argue, and nit pick each other. I honestly dont think the 123 magic will work for them. They r very competitive with one another, I do all I can to reasure them they r each loved the same but differently. I let each know how special they all are as a whole. I adore my children, they are first in my eyes. There are days when I wished I never had them but it isnt because of them its because I feel like all I am doing is hurting them. I know what I am doing as a mom is right, but the anxiety and agoraphobia is restricting the kids as well as me. It is hard to release them and let them out of my sight without the panic creeping in. My kids and I play together alot, I do very little without them, when I have to go somewhere and they cant I have a sick feeling of guilt. There are some people in this world who dont deserve to have children, and I cry alot thinking that I am one.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:30 pm

Pohgum - I have the same poblem when I leave my kids. I always feel guilty and think what if something happens to me or them. I am with them all the time, but then the fighting gets to me and I think I need to get away and when I do I can't have fun because I have so much anxiety over it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:21 pm

I have two boys, 6 and 3, who are great when I have them one at a time, but when they are together, as they are everyday after kindergarten is over, the bickering and competition for my attention really ratchets up the stress. I can relate to not feeling like a good motehr a fearing that my depression and anxiety are hurting them. The 123 Magic book has been recommended. I'm glad to hear it's helped some of you. Thanks!