Growing up I was always "shy" and even into my adulthood (really it was anxiety). I have grown alot and understand my anxiety better, but still am reserved and have few friends. I'm not sure why. I am social, but I guess I never share too much of myself with others. I always seem to get friends who like me because they tell me all their problems!
Trying to recover from my anxiety, I want to be more carefree (I actually feel that way inside) and connect with others - do any of you have this problem and how did you overcome? Thanks!
Anxiety and making friends
-
rose_thorn98
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 6:26 pm
I don't so much have that specific problem, but trust me I have others that are just as debilitating. My solution has been to use alcohol (which by the way i am in NO WAY suggesting you do) - that has only aded to my problems. So do you have the "Attacking Anxiety & Depression" program? I just got it and am looking forward to working through it, especially after hearing how much it's helped others!
~The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King, Jr~
Martin Luther King, Jr~
-
Guest
I too have trouble making new friends. I always feel as if I am socially awkward and people just don't get me. I meet a lot of nice people at work and stuff, but I just never follow through with being their friend. A lot of my problem is self confidence and self esteem. The people I meet have such different lifestyles than me, I am always worry I won't fit in or will disappoint them, so I just don't bother trying.
I haven't overcome my issues yet, but my councelor is planning on working on it. She is going to do some cognitive and behavior modification stuff, so hopefully it works.
I haven't overcome my issues yet, but my councelor is planning on working on it. She is going to do some cognitive and behavior modification stuff, so hopefully it works.
-
Guest
I think it has a lot to do with self esteem. I work at a school where I am a teachers assistant. I have such terrible feelings about not going to college and I choose a job where all around me are College grads! What was I thinking!!! That only adds to my issues. I constantly feel less than everyone I am around. I feel like everyone thinks I am uneducated. So, I end up feeling nervous everyday. I can't even have a conversation without feeling less than the person I am speaking with. Even when I am not at work and I am at a social gathering, I shy away from talking because I know the "so Cheryl what do you do" thing is going to come up in the conversation. And all the anxiety starts raging! I have a couple dear friends who are teachers and they don't judge me, but I feel that is not the norm. When I first went through the program I learned tools that made me more confident and I felt stronger. After a while I lossed theose tools in my mind. That is the beauty of the progrm you can do it again and again as needed. I also know I have strong worth just because I am a child of God, but again I forget that way to often in times of anxiety filled situations, for me that is anything social! Talking in a group, forget about it! I think sometimes I stammer over my words and don't make any sense! I wonder if people see me the way I feel they see me!
My goal is to restart the program and remind myself of the tools. I also need to give this all to God and ask Him to show me the truth, so that I can see me the way HE sees me.
I hurt when I read a post like this because I can feel for everyone that feels this way.
We have been set free. We are free to love, to worship, and to trust with no fear of rejection or being hurt! The key for us all is to believe that with all our heart and STAND on that!
God Bless you!
Ivy
My goal is to restart the program and remind myself of the tools. I also need to give this all to God and ask Him to show me the truth, so that I can see me the way HE sees me.
I hurt when I read a post like this because I can feel for everyone that feels this way.
We have been set free. We are free to love, to worship, and to trust with no fear of rejection or being hurt! The key for us all is to believe that with all our heart and STAND on that!
God Bless you!
Ivy
Hi Stephyannette,
I feel similar to you. I was teased by kids growing up (in particular, girls) and have a hard time making friends with them, which sucks because I'm a teacher and there's mostly only women around me!
But I feel too they don't get me - I like music (diverse), sports and comedy. I meet some nice people at work, but either I lose interest or get anxious about keeping up the relationship (like you, worried about fitting in). Keep me posted on how you do. I've followed Lucinda's advice, but have recently started thinking about a counselor. I know I want more out of life! Thanks
I feel similar to you. I was teased by kids growing up (in particular, girls) and have a hard time making friends with them, which sucks because I'm a teacher and there's mostly only women around me!
But I feel too they don't get me - I like music (diverse), sports and comedy. I meet some nice people at work, but either I lose interest or get anxious about keeping up the relationship (like you, worried about fitting in). Keep me posted on how you do. I've followed Lucinda's advice, but have recently started thinking about a counselor. I know I want more out of life! Thanks
-
Guest
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ivyheart <><:
I think it has a lot to do with self esteem. I work at a school where I am a teachers assistant. I have such terrible feelings about not going to college and I choose a job where all around me are College grads! What was I thinking!!! That only adds to my issues. I constantly feel less than everyone I am around. I feel like everyone thinks I am uneducated. So, I end up feeling nervous everyday. I can't even have a conversation without feeling less than the person I am speaking with. Even when I am not at work and I am at a social gathering, I shy away from talking because I know the "so Cheryl what do you do" thing is going to come up in the conversation. And all the anxiety starts raging! I have a couple dear friends who are teachers and they don't judge me, but I feel that is not the norm. When I first went through the program I learned tools that made me more confident and I felt stronger. After a while I lossed theose tools in my mind. That is the beauty of the progrm you can do it again and again as needed. I also know I have strong worth just because I am a child of God, but again I forget that way to often in times of anxiety filled situations, for me that is anything social! Talking in a group, forget about it! I think sometimes I stammer over my words and don't make any sense! I wonder if people see me the way I feel they see me!
My goal is to restart the program and remind myself of the tools. I also need to give this all to God and ask Him to show me the truth, so that I can see me the way HE sees me.
I hurt when I read a post like this because I can feel for everyone that feels this way.
We have been set free. We are free to love, to worship, and to trust with no fear of rejection or being hurt! The key for us all is to believe that with all our heart and STAND on that!
God Bless you!
Ivy
Ivy,
I agree - when you fall off the wagon, it's always good to go back to the program to remember how it felt when we first started. Having some confidence is freedom!
Good luck
I think it has a lot to do with self esteem. I work at a school where I am a teachers assistant. I have such terrible feelings about not going to college and I choose a job where all around me are College grads! What was I thinking!!! That only adds to my issues. I constantly feel less than everyone I am around. I feel like everyone thinks I am uneducated. So, I end up feeling nervous everyday. I can't even have a conversation without feeling less than the person I am speaking with. Even when I am not at work and I am at a social gathering, I shy away from talking because I know the "so Cheryl what do you do" thing is going to come up in the conversation. And all the anxiety starts raging! I have a couple dear friends who are teachers and they don't judge me, but I feel that is not the norm. When I first went through the program I learned tools that made me more confident and I felt stronger. After a while I lossed theose tools in my mind. That is the beauty of the progrm you can do it again and again as needed. I also know I have strong worth just because I am a child of God, but again I forget that way to often in times of anxiety filled situations, for me that is anything social! Talking in a group, forget about it! I think sometimes I stammer over my words and don't make any sense! I wonder if people see me the way I feel they see me!
My goal is to restart the program and remind myself of the tools. I also need to give this all to God and ask Him to show me the truth, so that I can see me the way HE sees me.
I hurt when I read a post like this because I can feel for everyone that feels this way.
We have been set free. We are free to love, to worship, and to trust with no fear of rejection or being hurt! The key for us all is to believe that with all our heart and STAND on that!
God Bless you!
Ivy
Ivy,
I agree - when you fall off the wagon, it's always good to go back to the program to remember how it felt when we first started. Having some confidence is freedom!
Good luck
-
purplerose
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:10 pm
Originally posted by Forty and anxious:
Hi Stephyannette,
I feel similar to you. I was teased by kids growing up (in particular, girls) and have a hard time making friends with them, which sucks because I'm a teacher and there's mostly only women around me!
But I feel too they don't get me - I like music (diverse), sports and comedy. I meet some nice people at work, but either I lose interest or get anxious about keeping up the relationship (like you, worried about fitting in). Keep me posted on how you do. I've followed Lucinda's advice, but have recently started thinking about a counselor. I know I want more out of life! Thanks
I was also teased throughout my childhood which I think also contributes largely to my shyness and social problems. I guess lots of negative things from the past can really effect a person for the rest of their lives in some ways. I too have a hard time befriending people of the opposite sex. I can't even have a male doctor, lol. I don't know why, I just feel super awkward.
Counceling can be very beneficial, especially if you find a really good councelor. I enjoy going to my counceling sessions. It might help you out with self esteem issues and other stuff that may be bothering you.
I feel the same way most of you guys do.. but I think like stephyannette said I think I also lack self confidence and self esteem.. I know this program will work I have faith in it. I started it in october but felt better and quit after lesson 4... now I started again (lesson 3 now) and can't wait to see the positives outcomes.. I too have a conselor but I think maybe I will change since I can only see her like twice a month I think I need more than that at first...
Hopefull this all works out and we make tons of friends.. people on here are really good friends also!
Hopefull this all works out and we make tons of friends..
people on here are really good friends also!-
Guest
Hi Jess,Originally posted by Jess2005:
I feel the same way most of you guys do.. but I think like stephyannette said I think I also lack self confidence and self esteem.. I know this program will work I have faith in it. I started it in october but felt better and quit after lesson 4... now I started again (lesson 3 now) and can't wait to see the positives outcomes.. I too have a conselor but I think maybe I will change since I can only see her like twice a month I think I need more than that at first...
Hopefull this all works out and we make tons of friends..
Yes - they always say make friends that have common interests as you - and we all have anxiety in common! LOL
Seems like lack of confidence is a big part of it all. I know for me too I get so tired and out of it from being anxious all the time that I just want to be by myself and not put the energy into a friendship. This has cost me several friendships unfortunately.
-
Guest
Yes we have lot's in common! That's what is so amazing with these forums you don't feel alone in the world(I sometimes do) but just log on here and have support. I have trouble because what I thought were best friends don't really seem to understand anxiety and when I have trouble getting out there they don't say it but they become frustrated and just this week one of my friend has told something I told her in private to her husband which I am really sad and hurt because I don't usually open up a lot to people just in my journal... which made my anxiety thru the roof this week but I decided to be my own best friend and learning we can have friends on these post that are far away but really do care for our well being.