Dear scared and confused,
I personally believe there is something to the idea of scary thoughts/ocd being a distraction from other things in our lives we just can't deal with. Maybe through working through your feelings about your marriage and affair and building your self worth again you will start to obsess less over this. All fears are irrational...all of them...its just hard to recognize when you are caught in the spin cycle.
HIV anxiety????
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StevenFarrisOhio
- Posts: 148
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:02 pm
Friend,
I had a blood transfusion years back - For many years I manifested my thoughts on what/if the blood was tained with HIV? Do yourself a favor - Get yourself tested and remove the fear. You do not get AIDS from doorknobs, shaking hands, etc... Look at all the doctors that deal with HIV patients and do not catch the illness.
I had a blood transfusion years back - For many years I manifested my thoughts on what/if the blood was tained with HIV? Do yourself a favor - Get yourself tested and remove the fear. You do not get AIDS from doorknobs, shaking hands, etc... Look at all the doctors that deal with HIV patients and do not catch the illness.
Steven Farris
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scared&confused
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2008 6:10 pm
Believe me, I have been tested every 3 months for the past year. I know, realistically that I really haven't had any exposures but I'm so afraid of needles being put in chairs or thrown on the ground or now even put in shoe boxes at Wal-Mart. I know this too is irrational (i guess) but I have a hard time telling myself that there wasn't a needle in the box when I can't explain that "twinge" of pain I felt in my finger when I grabbed the shoe. There's no puncture hole nor did it bleed but I have been obsessing over this all night. Does anyone know of a way to break the ruminations? Please help me!
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gadocdforme
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2008 10:20 am
One of my first "what if" worries was being exposed to blood and getting HIV. I can relate to how you feel, the fear of germs , touching, having to check etc. I worked in the medical care field, and will return some day. So this was a hard worry for me. No matter what people told me I would convince myself otherwise, but it has been 15 years since that worry, and nothing that I thought would come out of it ever did. I no longer worry about HIV or germs, However, my what ifs moved onto to some other what if worries. I am working on that now, medication and therapy. I did not want you to feel all alone in this particular worry, and I'm sure there are many others out there too. I wish so much I could remove this anguish for you. It does sound like some obscessing issues, but please see someone/Dr. who can help you. Once I finally saw someone, it got a lot easier for me.
I have always had worries about germs and diseases. I think that once you get tested then you shouldn't worry about having it. I know that worrying about it only makes your OCD worse. I went to the Health Department and got tested because I was having to conquer my fear of needles. I got through that and then about three years later I had to get life insurance and they had to take blood and that made me feel better because this time I was getting tested for diabetes and other things that I had been worried about. I think that it would help you to get an exam done and then you could conquer your fear and you could also get the answers that you need. I now no longer worry about any of it. I don't know if you believe in God and if you are saved but with the Lord as my personal Lord and Savior I know that he will keep me safe from all of the dangers in this world. I hope that this helps.
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Candiandricky
- Posts: 30
- Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:06 pm
Dear Scared and Confused,
Oh my gosh!!! I read your post and suddenly thought back to my past... You are just like the way that I used to be.
I lived the life of a HIV patient for over a year. I had the symptoms and all. I drove everyone around me nuts with it because we did not know that I had a problem. I had test after test and even after the negatives would come I was still scared. I used to call the CDC for AIDS hotline and I swear they knew my voice when i called.
I finally got over that fear when I met my husband and finally trusted him, and let my guard down. You can email me and we can chat if you would like because I just feel as though I know exactly where you are coming from because I have been there...
Hope to hear from you soon,
Candi
southernraised25@yahoo.com
Oh my gosh!!! I read your post and suddenly thought back to my past... You are just like the way that I used to be.
I lived the life of a HIV patient for over a year. I had the symptoms and all. I drove everyone around me nuts with it because we did not know that I had a problem. I had test after test and even after the negatives would come I was still scared. I used to call the CDC for AIDS hotline and I swear they knew my voice when i called.
I finally got over that fear when I met my husband and finally trusted him, and let my guard down. You can email me and we can chat if you would like because I just feel as though I know exactly where you are coming from because I have been there...
Hope to hear from you soon,
Candi
southernraised25@yahoo.com
Fear of HIV used to be one of my most horrible fears. Even after I gave birth to my son, I would worry that I had given him AIDS because I opted not to get tested when I was pregnant with him because I was so emotional. I was not a promiscuous person, and I only had one partner before my husband, and I tested negative before I got married.
Now, years have passed. I've been in therapy, and my son has severe autism. It's horrible, but one thing that I have learned is that I have to deal with what is real. I still have trouble, but it's hard not to look back at the time that I worried about HIV, and realize that I wasted it worrying about irrational possibilities. I do think that I had an escalated anxiety after my son's birth because there was something wrong which I do not believe is your case, but it was not what I thought it was so it was still a waste of precious time.
I do still struggle with anxiety so please don't think I am making fun of you. My main issues are that I don't drive, have trouble being alone, and depersonalization has been my main symptom but has subsided tremendously lately, so my anxiety may have just shifted, but at the same time, I really have conquered a lot with OCD so maybe some of the following tips may help you. Here are some things that are my opinion from therapy and my own personal insight.
1. OCD is never about OCD. For example, someone with a strong work ethic may not like their job. They would feel guilty to admit that because of their strong work ethic so instead they develop a habit of having to go back to the house and check to see if they left on an appliance over and over to avoid having to go to work. To them, focusing on the OCD is easier then facing the truth about their job situation. I don't know why I had my fear of HIV, but it looks like I felt guilty for having sex with anyone before I married a preacher's son so I couldn't see how God was going to let me off scott free because I saw God as an angry punishing God. In addition, I think with the anxiety with my son that it was easier for me to focus on the AIDS and something irrational then to focus on the truth that something was wrong with his development, and even if I would have focused on his development no one would have payed me any attention back then anyway. OCD can be a distraction for major and minor things that we don't want to face, and it does feel hellish. That's why cognitive therapy does work when we realize that we do have the skills to face the truth. I was also a child abuse survivor, and I'm sure I developed all of the fears to survive and to distract me from the abuse. I had to gradually learn that it was O.K. to be happy. After my son's diagnosis, eating food that I loved that I would normally throw away because I thought the food had botulism was a major step for me. I had a good therapist who showed me that many childhood survivors develop OCD because it had it's purpose as a child. Later in life when you're away from the abuse, you don't need the OCD anymore so what once helped you begins to hurt you.
2. Here are some other realizations. This is something that has helped me, and it may be because I had to face the truth or that I shifted to another form of anxiety, but I'll just try to see it as a success. If touching a pair of shoes or coming into contact with germs was going to kill you then we would all be dead. How do so many people live their daily lives if it was necessary for us to be so careful? It's just not true, and the news media and even the medical field oversensationalize these issues constantly. There was a time when I was seriously afraid that if I went out in public I would get meningitis. During that time, I was tremendously clean, etc. Guess What? My son and I got more sick during that time than ever because the stress of living that way and thinking that everything is going to kill you lowers your immune system. People who are isolated and don't go out in public are the ones who get sick the most. People who have a larger social circle are the happiest and healthiest no matter what germs they come into contact with.
I don't know what you're personal life is like, but I do it's a possibility that there is something in your life that you are avoiding with OCD. Also, you are lying to yourself right now when you think that you are going to get AIDS by touching a pair of shoes. If you can look at it that way, maybe that will help. If you were going to get AIDS from shoes, then we would all have HIV and that's just not true. Also, please remember that when you look up medical information, that there are a lot of people with OCD in the medical profession who often exaggerate the risk themselves. Their OCD makes them good at their job, but it can also spread unnecessary fear. I've just seen that too many times.
I hope something in here helps. I just think that when you realize why you are distracting yourself with OCD that that helps tremendously, but I know that I am not an expert. I had that fear, and it was horrible so I feel for anyone who goes through that.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
Now, years have passed. I've been in therapy, and my son has severe autism. It's horrible, but one thing that I have learned is that I have to deal with what is real. I still have trouble, but it's hard not to look back at the time that I worried about HIV, and realize that I wasted it worrying about irrational possibilities. I do think that I had an escalated anxiety after my son's birth because there was something wrong which I do not believe is your case, but it was not what I thought it was so it was still a waste of precious time.
I do still struggle with anxiety so please don't think I am making fun of you. My main issues are that I don't drive, have trouble being alone, and depersonalization has been my main symptom but has subsided tremendously lately, so my anxiety may have just shifted, but at the same time, I really have conquered a lot with OCD so maybe some of the following tips may help you. Here are some things that are my opinion from therapy and my own personal insight.
1. OCD is never about OCD. For example, someone with a strong work ethic may not like their job. They would feel guilty to admit that because of their strong work ethic so instead they develop a habit of having to go back to the house and check to see if they left on an appliance over and over to avoid having to go to work. To them, focusing on the OCD is easier then facing the truth about their job situation. I don't know why I had my fear of HIV, but it looks like I felt guilty for having sex with anyone before I married a preacher's son so I couldn't see how God was going to let me off scott free because I saw God as an angry punishing God. In addition, I think with the anxiety with my son that it was easier for me to focus on the AIDS and something irrational then to focus on the truth that something was wrong with his development, and even if I would have focused on his development no one would have payed me any attention back then anyway. OCD can be a distraction for major and minor things that we don't want to face, and it does feel hellish. That's why cognitive therapy does work when we realize that we do have the skills to face the truth. I was also a child abuse survivor, and I'm sure I developed all of the fears to survive and to distract me from the abuse. I had to gradually learn that it was O.K. to be happy. After my son's diagnosis, eating food that I loved that I would normally throw away because I thought the food had botulism was a major step for me. I had a good therapist who showed me that many childhood survivors develop OCD because it had it's purpose as a child. Later in life when you're away from the abuse, you don't need the OCD anymore so what once helped you begins to hurt you.
2. Here are some other realizations. This is something that has helped me, and it may be because I had to face the truth or that I shifted to another form of anxiety, but I'll just try to see it as a success. If touching a pair of shoes or coming into contact with germs was going to kill you then we would all be dead. How do so many people live their daily lives if it was necessary for us to be so careful? It's just not true, and the news media and even the medical field oversensationalize these issues constantly. There was a time when I was seriously afraid that if I went out in public I would get meningitis. During that time, I was tremendously clean, etc. Guess What? My son and I got more sick during that time than ever because the stress of living that way and thinking that everything is going to kill you lowers your immune system. People who are isolated and don't go out in public are the ones who get sick the most. People who have a larger social circle are the happiest and healthiest no matter what germs they come into contact with.
I don't know what you're personal life is like, but I do it's a possibility that there is something in your life that you are avoiding with OCD. Also, you are lying to yourself right now when you think that you are going to get AIDS by touching a pair of shoes. If you can look at it that way, maybe that will help. If you were going to get AIDS from shoes, then we would all have HIV and that's just not true. Also, please remember that when you look up medical information, that there are a lot of people with OCD in the medical profession who often exaggerate the risk themselves. Their OCD makes them good at their job, but it can also spread unnecessary fear. I've just seen that too many times.
I hope something in here helps. I just think that when you realize why you are distracting yourself with OCD that that helps tremendously, but I know that I am not an expert. I had that fear, and it was horrible so I feel for anyone who goes through that.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
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Mr. Positive
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2004 2:00 am
This is actually very common. I've had this obsession at least three separate times in my life. Actually the second post in the thread hit the nail on the head. You could easily jump to a different obsession next month or even year. Anxiety is really defined as a fear of our own minds. So it's no wonder that we latch onto horrific thoughts such as having hiv or hurting others, ourselves, something terrible we read or heard, etc. Control the anxiety at it's core and you'll control the obsessions. Unfortunately, people all to often want to separate anxiety disorder from obsessions but in reality they are a byproduct of the anxiety. This is mentioned numerous times on the tapes. I find people make this excuse and then get stuck on tape five believing they are not getting the correct treatment. However, I can tell you from experience and the multitude of examples on the tapes/cds that recovery from anxiety disorder is what needs to happen for the obsessions to be subsided.
As far as this case, I actually have done academic studies on hiv and the likelihood you would have contracted hiv from one partner is so miniscule that it's beyond even worrying about. You need to deal with the anxiety disorder so you can recover from these irrational fears.
As far as this case, I actually have done academic studies on hiv and the likelihood you would have contracted hiv from one partner is so miniscule that it's beyond even worrying about. You need to deal with the anxiety disorder so you can recover from these irrational fears.
Last edited by Mr. Positive on Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Hi everyone. I can't tell you how glad I am that I found this because I have been going through the exact same thing. I have been making myself insane. It is ALL I can think about. I never had this fear of HIV until a few months ago. I have since then convinced myself that just about everybody I know is HIV+ and I've somehow gotten it from all of them.
It started when I made out with some guy that I really don't know that well. We didn't do anything more than that, but I made myself believe that he had blood in his mouth and it got in mine. Then, I was out one night when I cut my finger on something. I didn't cover it up or anything. I started freaking out the day after because I was SO SURE that I somehow got somebody else's blood in my cut. After that, I gave one of my friends a goodbye peck on the lips. I got my lipgloss on him, so I wiped it off with my finger. Ever since then I've been thinking that he had could've had blood on his lips and I touched it. I am also freaked out by public bathrooms. Or even the bathrooms at my friend's house. I flush the toilet atleast two times before I use it, just to make sure there is nothing in it that could possibly get on me.
I had a fever and a bad cough one day. My friend was sick and coughing all over me before that, so I just assumed I got it from her. I also got a rash on my stomach a while after that. I wasn't really sure of what it was, but I figured it was just the lotion I was using or something. I then started searching for HIV symptoms online. A fever? Check. A cough? Check. Rash? Check. To me, that was all the proof I needed. I was convinced (and still am) that I had HIV.
This is all a bit embarrassing to me because I've never admitted this to anybody else. I found this forum, and I just felt the need to get all of this off my chest in hopes that you'd all understand and could maybe talk to me a little bit. Honestly, I don't even have fun when I go out anymore because I am constantly thinking about this. I search online frantically trying to find out about symptoms and then convincing myself I have all of them. Part of me wants to get tested just so I can get rid of all of this anxiety. But then another part of me doesn't want to because then that makes this all real and not just some irrational fear I have created in my mind. And I know if I were to get tested and it was negative, I would find another situation within minutes and convince myself the same things over and over again. I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry this was so long! Thanks to anybody that actually reads this.
It started when I made out with some guy that I really don't know that well. We didn't do anything more than that, but I made myself believe that he had blood in his mouth and it got in mine. Then, I was out one night when I cut my finger on something. I didn't cover it up or anything. I started freaking out the day after because I was SO SURE that I somehow got somebody else's blood in my cut. After that, I gave one of my friends a goodbye peck on the lips. I got my lipgloss on him, so I wiped it off with my finger. Ever since then I've been thinking that he had could've had blood on his lips and I touched it. I am also freaked out by public bathrooms. Or even the bathrooms at my friend's house. I flush the toilet atleast two times before I use it, just to make sure there is nothing in it that could possibly get on me.
I had a fever and a bad cough one day. My friend was sick and coughing all over me before that, so I just assumed I got it from her. I also got a rash on my stomach a while after that. I wasn't really sure of what it was, but I figured it was just the lotion I was using or something. I then started searching for HIV symptoms online. A fever? Check. A cough? Check. Rash? Check. To me, that was all the proof I needed. I was convinced (and still am) that I had HIV.
This is all a bit embarrassing to me because I've never admitted this to anybody else. I found this forum, and I just felt the need to get all of this off my chest in hopes that you'd all understand and could maybe talk to me a little bit. Honestly, I don't even have fun when I go out anymore because I am constantly thinking about this. I search online frantically trying to find out about symptoms and then convincing myself I have all of them. Part of me wants to get tested just so I can get rid of all of this anxiety. But then another part of me doesn't want to because then that makes this all real and not just some irrational fear I have created in my mind. And I know if I were to get tested and it was negative, I would find another situation within minutes and convince myself the same things over and over again. I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry this was so long! Thanks to anybody that actually reads this.