porn
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Ok, I don't care what anyone thinks period!!! What are we discussing here....porn? This is absolutely ludicrous that the StressCenter.com is even allowing this stupid thread/post! Be done with it and stop bickering and creating even more anxiety for everyone. There is different chat rooms for this or just call a friend, let's talk about how we can help eachother not post threads on porn. Chief
Originally posted by Cam_Cam:
I have an issue with this post, for a few reasons one of them being it's very one sided and judgemental the second is it offends me for someone who works in that industry.
your making very generalize statements based on one experience does not define the whole entire industry.
It would be nice if people got more information before they decide to talk bad about something they really know nothing about.
Just because their life style is not your particular life style does not make it wrong nor immoral.
And your question of where does the money go well you will have to be around the people in the industry to actually know where it goes and me being offended by your statement here. I am not going to tell you what I do with the money I make from it.
and your statement about young girls who have thier lives ruined not always the case, yes there is some who falling into paths that can be unhealthy and unsafe but not everyone in the industry. and as for drugs and drinking and other things again not for everyone in the industry, but you would actually need to do more research and talk to people who are in it about what goes on.
and you can't speak for everyone in it, you certainly can not speak for me who has been working and making a living from the porn industry for 5 years.
OH MY now we are comparing twinkies and porn stars! Well, now that I look at what I typed I can see a relative an abstract kinda likeness-but I am very.very very, sure we could live w'out either one! That said, I can assure you I know Dr. Dobson's teachings on gay people and porn. I have to say tho-he is using God's pulpit-it isn't his and also I can fer sure promise you James Dobson doesn't have a violent bone in his body unless he maybe had to like to protect his family same as almost anyone. That man has saved more people in his life time from the kind of life you are talking about than we probably will ever know. Thank God for Billy Graham too.
I don't know if you are a dancer-or a video star-but-I do know this: I don't agree with you nor Christian on this one babe. You could post from now til eternity and not take me. I personally have watched how men treat these women more than I ever cared to but public places are for everyone I guess. I have almost-thank God my H stopped me-but almost on sev occassions started to step in and cold **** a man or 2. But, I was told the women liked it and yr after yr I would see them come back around to the diff places we went for swap-meets-uh this is swap meets for motorcycle parts not sex partners and there's usally sev hundred parties going on around these swap meets-flea markets etc.and there they were these women letting these men ruin them.
Sick Sick Sick
Can you not find another job? Cam Cam.
I am going to STOP here. I just came from a really red-neck gathering at my Mothers' house for Easter.I ain't got the energy to do this! I do have another post about porn that I wanted to leave this a.m. before I took the trip to Hotel California?-you can check out anytime but you may never leave Hotel? Family-my brain chemicals got a work out today-Hey Cam Cam I have 3 grown 1%ers redneck brothers.........oh, I ain't wastin no more of my energy on this. But I still have one more story.
And if I see that anybody who I saw post this a.m.about what Porn really is change their posts......over this.....just don't let that little man who is trying to disturb us-you know who I mean-some think he is red with horns-but I have heard he will be really pretty to look at.
We have a common denominator here. I will shut-up now.
My Prayers are for every member of this board that I know of.
Romans is my fav book in the Bible-it teaches us about life in the Spirit. Check it out sometime!
Deb^J^
We are More than Conquerors to HIM that Loved us. Romans 8:37
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Chief, The discussion was originally about how porn was affecting a marriage. Jessica asked us how we felt about it if we were in her shoes what we would do. We posted just that-and then all this confrontation started-about our posts on the subject. Jessica asked us for help. Go back and read her post-maybe you can help her. I don't know if anyone did-help her-but we all tried. Jessica asked and some of us answered and then the ______hit the fan about what we all said we would feel like.Originally posted by Chief Crazy Horse:
Ok, I don't care what anyone thinks period!!! What are we discussing here....porn? This is absolutely ludicrous that the StressCenter.com is even allowing this stupid thread/post! Be done with it and stop bickering and creating even more anxiety for everyone. There is different chat rooms for this or just call a friend, let's talk about how we can help eachother not post threads on porn. Chief
So, to answer you-we were doing what we are supposed to do. Were we not supposed to try and help her? Now as for the other posts-I have been gone from home all day-just got back-thought I would check to see how everybody was before falling face 1st into bed. I have had kids climbing all over me today-and while it was GREAT-I am a noodle right now.
I stand by what I said.
How's your day?
Peace, Deb^j^
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deb,
i like what you write and it tickles me that no one understands unless they have been in your shoes..and, you made a comment of having bed head..well my wife has the same condition and i know the pain she is in..i hope you sleep good tonight or did sleep good lol..i can understand how you got wore out with kids climbing all over you all day. take care and have a good week and if you ever close to n.c. come see us and set on the front porch and wave at cars as they pass by lol...be blessed .
don
i like what you write and it tickles me that no one understands unless they have been in your shoes..and, you made a comment of having bed head..well my wife has the same condition and i know the pain she is in..i hope you sleep good tonight or did sleep good lol..i can understand how you got wore out with kids climbing all over you all day. take care and have a good week and if you ever close to n.c. come see us and set on the front porch and wave at cars as they pass by lol...be blessed .
don
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You know what - I think a lot of people on both sides of this issue are missing the point here!
Jessica posted the original comment and she said that she HATED it but her husband liked it. That truly makes it not so much a PORN issue, but a respect in marriage issue.
If you and your spouse and both good with watching it - whatever. That is your business. If you want to work in that industry - whatever - do it. I can't control you nor would I attempt to. I posted my personal experience with porn - which was negative (as a child being exposed to it) and a few things that I personally have learned along the way as a result.
Jessica, however does not like this and her husband's use/viewing it shows that he doesn't respect her feelings or opinions...if it hurts her, maybe - just maybe - he should ask her why? She should have a conversation with him about it? They could come to a mutual understanding?
This thread really should not have turned into a political or religious dialogue on porn, but rather the issue of what to do when spouses don't see eye to eye.
She never said, but even working in the porn industry (or just being in a relationship - it really is irrelevant), I think you could agree - that it does not feel good to be coereced into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. SUPPOSE...just suppose, that her husband wants her to perform according to something he's watching that really makes her feel used, cheap, abused, whatever...that is a serious hurtful issue that needs to be addressed. It's not truly a matter of whether porn in a marriage is good or acceptable or whatever - it's a respect issue.
I mean - good grief- she could have said, "How do you feel about basketball? I hate it because my husband watches it all the time and ignores me." It would still be a respect and conversation issue.
And that is just speculation, because - all she said was that she hated it. But "hate" is a pretty strong emotion...she must be having some problem with it on some level.
Just my two cents...
Dawn
Jessica posted the original comment and she said that she HATED it but her husband liked it. That truly makes it not so much a PORN issue, but a respect in marriage issue.
If you and your spouse and both good with watching it - whatever. That is your business. If you want to work in that industry - whatever - do it. I can't control you nor would I attempt to. I posted my personal experience with porn - which was negative (as a child being exposed to it) and a few things that I personally have learned along the way as a result.
Jessica, however does not like this and her husband's use/viewing it shows that he doesn't respect her feelings or opinions...if it hurts her, maybe - just maybe - he should ask her why? She should have a conversation with him about it? They could come to a mutual understanding?
This thread really should not have turned into a political or religious dialogue on porn, but rather the issue of what to do when spouses don't see eye to eye.
She never said, but even working in the porn industry (or just being in a relationship - it really is irrelevant), I think you could agree - that it does not feel good to be coereced into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. SUPPOSE...just suppose, that her husband wants her to perform according to something he's watching that really makes her feel used, cheap, abused, whatever...that is a serious hurtful issue that needs to be addressed. It's not truly a matter of whether porn in a marriage is good or acceptable or whatever - it's a respect issue.
I mean - good grief- she could have said, "How do you feel about basketball? I hate it because my husband watches it all the time and ignores me." It would still be a respect and conversation issue.
And that is just speculation, because - all she said was that she hated it. But "hate" is a pretty strong emotion...she must be having some problem with it on some level.
Just my two cents...
Dawn
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Dawn:
To be honest, my problem with Jessica's post is that she's not respecting her husband's right to look at porn, if he wants. To me, that's not a fair expectation of one's spouse/partner, whatever. I guess the basketball analogy works, somewhat. For example, my boyfriend does, indeed, watch basketball and I loathe it. So I respect his watching it and go into the other room when it's on. I don't tell him I feel disrespected if he watches it, anyway.
How would you feel if if your husband/partner, etc. said he didn't want you engaging in something you enjoy, even when it has no effect on you? Somewhere in a lot of these posts is the idea that porn is always bad, always going to screw up marriages, and that one spouse has the right to tell the other spouse not to watch or read it.
I'm on session four of the program now where Lucinda talks about "shoulding" on yourself and others. To me, expecting our spouses to refrain from things they enjoy, just because we think it's icky, is just another should. On the other hand, if our partners want us to try something new sexually, I think for the most part, we should be open to at least trying it. (Unless of course, it's illegal or painful, etc.)
I do agree that they need to have a conversation and find common ground where both partners feel respected. But, just speaking for myself, if the conversation starts with "you shouldn't do this because I don't like it," it's not going to be a very open discussion.
To be honest, my problem with Jessica's post is that she's not respecting her husband's right to look at porn, if he wants. To me, that's not a fair expectation of one's spouse/partner, whatever. I guess the basketball analogy works, somewhat. For example, my boyfriend does, indeed, watch basketball and I loathe it. So I respect his watching it and go into the other room when it's on. I don't tell him I feel disrespected if he watches it, anyway.
How would you feel if if your husband/partner, etc. said he didn't want you engaging in something you enjoy, even when it has no effect on you? Somewhere in a lot of these posts is the idea that porn is always bad, always going to screw up marriages, and that one spouse has the right to tell the other spouse not to watch or read it.
I'm on session four of the program now where Lucinda talks about "shoulding" on yourself and others. To me, expecting our spouses to refrain from things they enjoy, just because we think it's icky, is just another should. On the other hand, if our partners want us to try something new sexually, I think for the most part, we should be open to at least trying it. (Unless of course, it's illegal or painful, etc.)
I do agree that they need to have a conversation and find common ground where both partners feel respected. But, just speaking for myself, if the conversation starts with "you shouldn't do this because I don't like it," it's not going to be a very open discussion.
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Christian: Big diff in basketball and porn! I have a cousin who is gay-since I can remember-I also have a neighbor who I am very close to whose daughter is gay/les. I have in the past worked yrs in the food service buss and had some gay friends.I look at all people as being human-but now if they start comparing basketball and porn I will ROTFLMBO. I doubt tho that any of them would-I know my neighbor's daughter loves basketball-but I think I will just ask her about comparing porn to basketball! I also know a les couple who took the turkey baster route loaded with a friend's genes and had a baby girl who is a yr older than my son-we traded some baby clothes.I would never dismiss any of them as human beings who if I could help them with anything/ barring sex I would. I never dismiss a human being from my life for their opinion on this sub. why-utoh-there's that bad word again can't you guys read Jessica's original post-she AKSED us for posts on HOW we would deal with HER problem and that is what we gave her. period.
Peace, Love, Dove,
Deb ^J^
Peace, Love, Dove,
Deb ^J^
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Christian,
I am not disagreeing with you - we really don't know much from her post at all - and she hasn't been back on here to respond either. I think she was making a blanket statement, and she really didn't say much either way about his rights to watch porn.
Obviously there is a disagreement in this marriage. Did she tell him she didn't like it? Does he even know that? I don't know. I'm not trying to side with her or her husband (but in all truthfulness, I do have a slightly jaded opinion based solely on my personal experience - which I do understand has nothing to do with HERS!
). I guess my point is that we don't know that his watching porn "has no effect" on her, as you stated. And then again...we don't know that it does other than the fact that she said she hates it.
Basketball aside (:) - my husband watches it all the time and I do the same thing you do!)...if my husband was watching porn and ignoring me...or getting off on it and not with me...whatever...I would be upset. I would, however, ask myself and him if there was anything I was doing (or not doing, I guess) that made him want to do that...and express my dislike for it and reasons why. CONVERSATION is needed. Which is why I said it's not really about the porn, but about the respect and the marital communication.
I am all for trying new things...but many women are ultra sensitive to being compared to what their husband/partner is viewing away from them. Jessica is in this forum after all...she, I'm guessing has some anxiety/depression issues...this may just complicate it for her.
I agree with you completely about your last statement - any conversation that begins, includes, or ends with me (or anyone!) telling someone else how they need to live their lives is controlling and pointless. I think she should address how it makes her feel (HOWEVER it is that she feels!!!) though - with her husband. If he wants to change for her - that is the ONLY way it can happen. Conversely, she may learn something about him that makes her want to change something in her life.
That being said - there are plenty of people, men and women alike, who do have addictive personalities and problems when it comes to this topic. I think it would be irresponsible of us to negate that fact or rule it out entirely. Then again...we really don't know much of anything about this situation in particular, do we?
Best,
Dawn
I am not disagreeing with you - we really don't know much from her post at all - and she hasn't been back on here to respond either. I think she was making a blanket statement, and she really didn't say much either way about his rights to watch porn.
Obviously there is a disagreement in this marriage. Did she tell him she didn't like it? Does he even know that? I don't know. I'm not trying to side with her or her husband (but in all truthfulness, I do have a slightly jaded opinion based solely on my personal experience - which I do understand has nothing to do with HERS!
). I guess my point is that we don't know that his watching porn "has no effect" on her, as you stated. And then again...we don't know that it does other than the fact that she said she hates it.Basketball aside (:) - my husband watches it all the time and I do the same thing you do!)...if my husband was watching porn and ignoring me...or getting off on it and not with me...whatever...I would be upset. I would, however, ask myself and him if there was anything I was doing (or not doing, I guess) that made him want to do that...and express my dislike for it and reasons why. CONVERSATION is needed. Which is why I said it's not really about the porn, but about the respect and the marital communication.
I am all for trying new things...but many women are ultra sensitive to being compared to what their husband/partner is viewing away from them. Jessica is in this forum after all...she, I'm guessing has some anxiety/depression issues...this may just complicate it for her.
I agree with you completely about your last statement - any conversation that begins, includes, or ends with me (or anyone!) telling someone else how they need to live their lives is controlling and pointless. I think she should address how it makes her feel (HOWEVER it is that she feels!!!) though - with her husband. If he wants to change for her - that is the ONLY way it can happen. Conversely, she may learn something about him that makes her want to change something in her life.
That being said - there are plenty of people, men and women alike, who do have addictive personalities and problems when it comes to this topic. I think it would be irresponsible of us to negate that fact or rule it out entirely. Then again...we really don't know much of anything about this situation in particular, do we?
Best,
Dawn