New and can't sleep

[cari82]

Ok so i've never done this before and i'm all new to this. Well not the anxiety but knowing that others feel the same why and i'm not going insane.
Tonight i had another "episode" or rather what i have learned are anxiety attacks. I haven't recevied my program pack yet, it should be here in a day or so. But in the mean time i have been receiving the mini series. My husband has been so graious with helping me, but still i have the feelings of being not important. So the little things that he does, like tonight i read him the mini series i got today, and he couldn't even remember what i had read. But he's supposed to be helping me get throught this.
This all stems from coming from a broken home that never healed, from me thinking i had to fix it even from the age of 8--i'm 25 now--i'm a perfectionist, and all that great stuff. I never thought it was a problem, i took it as part of me. I thought i had to be perfect and i had to fix the world.
I just recently got married like 9 months ago. I recently graduated from college and have a new lab job. So my stress level has soared to new heights. And all the pain from my past which i just put under the rug to hide is coming out in waves.
My biggest fear is that nothing will help and this is how i will be for the rest of my life. I will end up dying from this anxiety attack with the fight/flight response cause it happens all the time. I have been crying everyday for the past two months. I used to be able to keep all this in and deal. I still had my moments but no one knew. I know it's not healthy but recently it seems to be impossible.
I just want advice, comfort, is it just me? Am i doomed?
I'm so scared.
-Cari

[Guest]

Hi Cari,
Please have hope. Listen to the people on-line who have been able to change. It's frustrating if it doesn't happen as fast as you want it to.
I've had changes I never dreamed of and I'm only through week 4.
Read the humor section of the forum. If you can laugh it will give you some relief and also help you see more of yourself in others.

[Guest]

Originally posted by cari82:
My husband has been so graious with helping me, but still i have the feelings of being not important. So the little things that he does, like tonight i read him the mini series i got today, and he couldn't even remember what i had read. But he's supposed to be helping me get throught this.

Just try to not be so critical. He is doing the best he can and at least he is trying to understand were you are coming from. It must be difficult on him too. I was with a girl for five years who had all kinds of family issues. She used to take it out on me often, this was neither beneficial to me or her. So just try to relax and give him the benefit of the doubt.

NO ONE IS PERFECT... so forget about perfectionism. Clearly he is caring, loving, and understanding. To be honest, from a guys perspective, women really shouldn't expect men to pay attention all the time. We are still just little boys at heart with the a one-track-mind (i.e whether that is watching our game, reading a book, fixing our cars, etc.) It isn't that we don't care about everything in your life, it is just that we are easily distracted by other thoughts, stimuli, and emotions. Try explaining things to him while you are both eating. Food puts most people in a good and attentive mood.

Originally posted by cari82:
This all stems from coming from a broken home that never healed, from me thinking i had to fix it even from the age of 8--i'm 25 now--i'm a perfectionist, and all that great stuff. I never thought it was a problem, i took it as part of me. I thought i had to be perfect and i had to fix the world.

Look at all you have accomplished after all of the above:

Originally posted by cari82:
I just recently got married like 9 months ago.

Originally posted by cari82:
I recently graduated from college

Originally posted by cari82:
and have a new lab job.

This is remarkable. You are part of a very small percentage of people in this world. You should consider yourself very lucky, furtunate, successful, confident, and strong! At the risk of sounding repetitive, look at all you have accomplished!

Originally posted by cari82:
So my stress level has soared to new heights. And all the pain from my past which i just put under the rug to hide is coming out in waves.
My biggest fear is that nothing will help and this is how i will be for the rest of my life.

Based on everything you've said. I doubt that you will be in this pain the rest of your life. You have already showed yourself to be resilent and capable of overcoming any and all challenges that life throws at you. This challenge is no different. Harness all of that strength and motivation and use it to defeat your anxiety. You need to search for yourself again, while at the same time, facing your past and fears. When you get through this you will be amazed at the transformation your life has taken.

Originally posted by cari82:
I will end up dying from this anxiety attack with the fight/flight response cause it happens all the time.

This is an extremely rare outcome. You need to face your fear of death, read up more on the fight/flight response, and learn to deal with panic when it strikes.

Originally posted by cari82:
I have been crying everyday for the past two months. I used to be able to keep all this in and deal. I still had my moments but no one knew. I know it's not healthy but recently it seems to be impossible.
I just want advice, comfort, is it just me? Am i doomed?
I'm so scared.
-Cari

Well firstly, it is clearly not just you. There are millions, literally millions, of people who deal with this daily. In fact, more people suffer from anxiety than diabetes and asthma combined!

Secondly, relax, harness all those wonderful characteristics of yourself and use them to defeat this.

Lastly, this is just another test, another stage in your life, and when you complete it you will be an even stronger person than you were before.

Good Luck and Don't ever fear that you are alone in this!

- Beat